Can’t leave Big Ten football alone the game needs me. Notorious B.I.G. once said that he raps about the ghetto because that’s what he knows. And…”if I worked at McDonald’s, I’d be rapping about Big Macs and fries.”
You write and talk what you know and live. And I know Big Ten football. We’re still a ways away from Big Ten football media days. Well, less than two weeks now. The preseason is indeed here, time for some WAY TOO Early Big Ten football power rankings
So loved. So hated. Their hubris is the source/cause of their polarization. Sometimes they can get away with believing the rules don’t apply to them. Sometimes they c”I’m a let ya finish, but the tattoo scandal was the greatest college football scandal of all time!” sometimes they can not.
They’re the kingpins. Top of the food chain of Big Ten football.
And for both Ye and Urban Meyer, “a life of crime is the life of mine.” Think of all the college football players arrested when he was in charge at the University of Florida. That’s coming to Ohio State too; if it hasn’t already. When it comes to recruiting, Urban definitely has “hugs for my thugs.”
2.) Michigan Wolverines = Eminem
Detroit based franchise with glory days that are mostly behind them. But they seem to be getting relevant again. Even though everyone seems to think they’re possibly overrated.
In Big Ten football, it’s always the big 2 of Ohio State and Michigan, then a big drop off to everyone else.
3.) Nebraska Cornhuskers = Common
The world’s best vegetarian MC synergized with a team named after corn? I might be stretching on this one. At least the quote applies to Bo Pelini.
4.) Northwestern Wildcats = Lupe Fiasco
Chicago based outfit, with solid fundamentals but they’ll never achieve large sold-out stadium status. The thinking man’s choice- which also unfortunately keeps them from making it bigger.
5.) Michigan State Spartans = D12
There’s talent, substance and grittiness here; also a massive chip on their shoulder. Mostly because they’ll always be compared to you-know-who. It doesn’t help that the person/team is so close to them. And since 90% of what State girls talk about is getting wasted (at least the ones I knew, and the grads here in Chi), the song choice is…
“High off chronic Gin and tonic demonic Body smelt like vomit”
6. Wisconsin Badgers = Jay Z
Just when you think they’re done…they keep coming back. And they remind you of their immaculate record. Look at all they’ve done! And it reminds me you, they’ll do it again.
7.) Penn State Nittany Lions =R. Kelly
Always known for disgusting sexual perversion first. Jerry Sandusky. Joe Paterno. Ick.
8) Purdue Boilermakers = Paperboy
Had some good times in the 90s, but haven’t really been talked about very highly about since. They can beat weak teams, cupcakes at least.
“But let me speak for the weak, I mean the rookies, My time is held up, extremely for cookies”
9.) Iowa Hawkeyes = Coolio
Everyone can appreciate them when they’re on their game. Had a lot of legal troubles in 2010. Stemming from controlled substances.
“1-2-3-4 it’s like A-B-C if hip-hop didn’t pay I’d rap for free”
10.) Indiana Hoosiers = Bluff Daddy, Chris Rock’s parody of Puff Daddy, in his 1997 send-up of Bad Boy Entertainment: “Champagne.”
Utterly laughable. Not to be taken seriously
“I drink Champagne in my car. higgy higgy haw higgy higgy haw…I drink champagne when I hustle, I drink champagne with Nipsy Russell, I drink champage in the hood, I drink champagne with Tiger Woods. It’s all good y’all Tiger Woods y’all.”
11.) Minnesota Golden Gophers = LMFAO
Very little substance and talent. Almost all success is only due to flukiness, kitsch, and general silliness.
12.) Illinois Fighting Illini = Dr. Dre
You forget they exist most years, but when they have a big year, they really have a BIG YEAR. The Dr. has The Chronic (1993) and Chronic 2001 (released in 1999). This decade, the Illini made the BCS in ’01 and ’07, and just one winning season outside of those years . I feel terrible rating Dr. Dre so low, but that’s just the way it is.
Paul M. Banks is the owner of The Sports Bank.net. (“Quasi-endorsed” by Philadelphia Eagles Coach Chip Kelly) He’s also an author who contributes regularly to MSN, Fox Sports , Chicago Now, Walter Football.com and Yardbarker
Banks has appeared on the History Channel, as well as ESPN and CBS radio all over the world. The NFL, NBA expert does a weekly spot for 95.7 The Fan. President Barack Obama follows him on Twitter (@PaulMBanks), like him on Facebook