Disturbed, Demented Iowa Fan Analyzes Northwestern



On Thursday, I will continue my series of Brutally Honest Big Ten college football Game Previews, this week focusing on the Northwestern Wildcats versus the Iowa Hawkeyes. but Before doing so, I’d like for you to take a look at what is the most disturbed and frightfully detailed vivisection of Northwestern football that I have ever seen. (Well, the piece did they last season with featuring Pat Fitzgerald and a baked potato is more appropriately described by that sense, but I can’t seem to find that link anymore)

It comes from a post written this past summer by SB Nation’s Hawkeyes blog “Black Heart, Gold Pants.”

Now you may wonder why a fan of such a solid program like Iowa would take the time to dismantle our Cats? This excerpt explains:

since The Beginning Of History in 1995 (which is crazy because I totally remember the ’80s and they were bitchin’) Northwestern’s held a 9-5 advantage, including wins in four of the last five encounters (and three straight in Kinnick).

Yes, that’s right NU has OWNED Herky the Hawkeye lately, and Iowans don’t much like Chicago’s Big Ten team because of it. And he’s right again about how NU really started playing football in 1995. I was born in 1978, lived in Chicago pretty much all my life, and I recall nothing of relevance in Ryan Field before ’95.

Yes the Cats stared playing football in 1882 but from 1976-1994, NU went a catastrophically bad 42-130-4.

No, that’s not a typo. And things began again anew for NU in ’95. I’m guessing the Hawkeye fans my age or older strongly associated the train wreck of 18 years with the words “Northwestern football,” and that’s the purple and white schema remaining in their brains today.

No wonder they’re so bitter about the Wildcats beating them so often lately. But acrimony aside, they have a lot of valid points in this piece and they know their enemy pretty well. And although much Of this seems bizarre and twisted, it’s also completely hilarious, entertaining, very well thought out and extremely well researched in certain parts.

There’s quite a few reasons this blog has won awards and many of them are on display in this “article.”

Like the shot at NU’s alleged elitism:

A year ago, Andrew Brewer (57-925-9) and Zeke Markshausen (91-858-3) led the way, but both guys are off doing copious amounts of blow in their new Porsches out of eligibility, so new faces will need to step up and fill their void.  First in line?  That would be Drake Dunsmore (47-523-3) and Sidney Stewart (47-420-2), last year’s third and fourth most productive receivers.  (And, frankly, the fact that jNW has receivers named Drake and Sidney seems utterly right; it’s a wonder they haven’t lobbied the NCAA to make monocles, ascots, waistcoats, and spats a permanent part of their uniforms; instead they’ll have to make do with these retro unis.)

I don’t understand the baked potato reference but please check out part two when you get the chance. I also have no clue what “jNW” is supposed to mean.

Look, at some point the Herky voodoo doll that Gary Barnett made and passed down to Pat Fitzgerald is going to run out of juice.  At some point the fact that Iowa has better players is going to matter.  At some point jNW isn’t going to have all (or almost all) of the bounces go precisely their way.  At some point Norm Parker will add some wrinkles to the defense that will stymie the jNW offense.  At some point Iowa’s matchup advantages will be decisive.

Paul M. Banks is CEO of The Sports Bank.net , a Midwest webzine. He’s also a regular contributor to the Tribune’s Chicago Now network, Walter Football.com, Yardbarker Network, and Fox Sports.com

You can follow him on Twitter @thesportsbank

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