One of the occupational hazards of regularly attending NHL, NBA and other Major League venues is having to hear the dozen or so annoying song snippets that have become standard fare.
Pretty much all of them are awful, and the list ahead contains the worst of the worst. These five will make you want to stab your ears in with scissors. Also check out the 10 most annoyingly overplayed stadium songs as this link.
1. โEverybody clap your hands! clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clapโ
This soundbite comes from the infamous โCha Cha Slide,โ a dance created by Chicagoโs DJ Casper, (aka Mr. C). If youโve ever been to a wedding, skating rink or โdance clubโ for the older set, then youโve heard the Cha Cha Slide. It SICKENS me that my hometown produced this scourge. A thousand apologies.
Worst of all, this song is a line dance with called instructions, and line dancing is quasi-Fascist.
Why are you going to let a song tell you what to do? Once you get a bunch of people all following orders, and moving together in unison, youโre just one step away from getting them to commit genocide.
2. โDay-ooooooooo. Dayyyyyyyyy-oooooโ
So maybe the 80s movie โBeetlejuiceโ was able to generate a funny, cutesy scene out of this oldie hit, but that doesnโt mean we need to hear it every half-inning that the home team bats.
The sound effect from the Banana Boat song needs to be sunk, because you destroy the value of a song when you reduce the music down to nothing beyond childish, primitive noises.
And again HOW DOES THIS HELP YOUR TEAM?
3. Addams Family Theme song
‘do de do do, snap snap.’
I have no idea why this is supposed to help your team run their half-court set more efficiently. And honestly, why are you trying to tell us when we should be enthusiastic or not in the first place? That has to be earned- we sporting fans are not trained clapping seals.
I think we can figure out when to get excited. MC Hammer’s Addams Groove is way better anyway.
4. โDEeeeee-Troit. Bas-ket-ball!!!โ
Iโm shocked that a franchise with 3 world championships would have a moronic sounding commandant, instructing his flock to get over-excited about simply re-gaining possession of the ball.
5. The mid 90s Orlando Magic PA guy
Every time there was a Dennis Scott three-pointer, weโd hear โ333333333-DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDโฆfrom Shaqโฆ.shaqโฆshaqโฆshaqโฆ.shaq.โ Lord help us all when Anfernee Hardaway scored: โPENNYYYYYYYYYYY.โ
Or when the home team came out of a timeout with the mind-numbing โHERE COME THE MAGIC!!!!!!!!โ
DISHONORABLE mention:
โWOO-WHO, YEE-WHO! WOO-WHO, YEE-WHOโ from Gwen Stefaniโs โSweet Escape,โ which is a shame as the rest of the song is pretty good, do-de-do-de-de-do CHARGE (Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble made this one even more irritating!
Damn you Hannah-Barbara!!!
Also, The Jetsons didn’t have a theme song, it was just a lazy collection of random noises, including ‘Chopsticks’ of all things), Ga ga rah rah rah blah blah ooh rah rah,
and of course, the opening claps from Rose Royce โCar Wash.โ
Paul M. Banks is the Founding Editor ofย The Sports Bank.ย Heโs also theย author of โTransatlantic Passage: How the English Premier League Redefined Soccer in America,โ andย โNo, I Canโt Get You Free Tickets: Lessons Learned From a Life in the Sports Media Industry.โ
He currently contributes toย Ravens Wire, part of the USA Today SMGโs NFL Wire Networkย and theย Internet Baseball Writers Association of America.ย His past bylines include the New York Daily News, Sports Illustrated,ย Chicago Tribune and the Washington Times.ย You can follow himย on Linked In and Twitter.
