Remember in high school, when your cheerleaders would keep doing their routines and chants despite your school being down by 40 points with three minutes to go? Well, the professional leagues have their own IRRITATING chants, sayings, and other assorted gibberish.
Except these are a million times more IRRITATING!!!!! Because they’re even more OVERPLAYED than the nonsensical jabbering of cheerleaders. Most of these sounds originate from oldies that are anything but goodie. Currently, the PA systems at NHL, NBA and Major League venues use of dozens of these, and pretty much all of them are awful. The list ahead contains items that will make you want to stab your ears in with a scissors.
1. “Everybody clap your hands! clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap”
This soundbite comes from the infamous “Cha Cha Slide,” a dance created by Chicago’s DJ Casper, (aka Mr. C). If you’ve ever been to a wedding, skating rink or “dance club” populated by lame 40 something white people, you’ve heard the Cha Cha Slide. It SICKENS me that my hometown produced this scourge. A thousand apologies. Worst of all this song is a line dance with called instructions, a la the Electric Slide. And line dancing is quasi-Fascist! Why are you going to let a song tell you what to do? Once you get a bunch of people all moving together in unison, you’re one step from getting them to commit genocide. Come to think of it, the Cha Cha Slide is worse than genocide.
2. “Day-ooooooooo. Dayyyyyyyyy-ooooo”
So maybe the 80s movie “Beetlejuice” was able to generate a funny, cutesy scene out of this oldies hit, but that doesn’t mean we need to hear it every half-inning the home team bats. The sound effect from the Banana Boat song needs to be sunk, because you destroy the value of a song when you reduce the music down to nothing beyond childish, primitive noises. And again HOW DOES THIS HELP YOUR TEAM?
3. Addams Family Theme song
I have no idea why this is supposed to help your team hit, or make the home squad run their half-court set more efficiently. So why retain this crapola?? And why are you trying to tell us when we should be enthusiastic or not in the first place? I think we can figure that out.
4. “DEeeeee-Troit. Bas-ket-ball!!!”
I’m shocked that a franchise with 3 world championships would have a moron instructing them to get over-excited about simply gaining possession of the ball.
5. The mid 90s Orlando Magic PA guy
Every time there was a Dennis Scott three-pointer, we’d hear “333333333-DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD…from Shaq….shaq…shaq…shaq….shaq.” Lord help us all when Anfernee Hardaway scored: “PENNYYYYYYYYYYY.” Or when the home team came out of a timeout “HERE COME THE MAGIC!!!!!!!!”
DISHONORABLE mention: “WOO-WHO, YEE-WHO! WOO-WHO, YEE-WHO” from Gwen Stefani’s “Sweet Escape,” do-de-do-de-de-do CHARGE (damn Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble made this one even more intolerable! Damn you Hannah-Barbara!!!) Opening claps from Rose Royce disco song “Car Wash.”
Paul M. Banks is CEO of The Sports Bank.net, an official Google News site generating millions of unique visitors. He’s also a regular contributor to Chicago Now, Walter Football.com, Yardbarker, MSN, and Fox Sports
A Fulbright scholar and MBA, Banks has appeared on live radio all over the world; and he’s a member of the Football Writers Association of America, U.S. Basketball Writers Association, and Society of Professional Journalists. The President of the United States follows him on Twitter (@Paul_M_BanksTSB) You should too.
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