The Wolves Got Kahned

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“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn’t exist”

By Peter Christian

That is a line from one of my favorite movies of all time and has recently been running through in my head over and over. Not because I have an inkling to watch “The Usual Suspects” but because a man that I believe to be more divinely stupid and evil than anyone -other than Bernie Madoff or Spencer Pratt- struck again. David Kahn just picked up his limp and revealed himself to be the true Keyser Soze. The final straw has been broken.

Any faith I had left in the Timberwolves front office in taking steps towards turning their current puddle of piss situation around went away with the relatively minor signing by Philadelphia of Timberwolves free agent Rodney Carney. On its own, the official departure of Carney would have meant nothing to me (OK that’s not true, I really liked Carney last year and thought he could have been a good wing option for a team really thin in that area), but it was just another piece of evidence that David Kahn (Timberwolves VP of Basketball Ops since the end of May) is completely void of logic, basketball knowledge and any semblance of a plan whatsoever. Every Wolves headline has been proof that Kahn is a first class buffoon that has no business making a decision of which brand of toothpaste to buy, let alone being the sole man in charge of rebuilding the joke of a basketball team that the Minnesota Timberwolves have become.

It started with the way he handled the booting of Kevin McHale, continued with the trade of Randy Foye and Mike Miller for a stock pile of bad contracts and the 5th pick in the draft. At face value that trade could have been a winner. Instead Kahn sullied the situation by drafting the best point guard who’s already proved he can play with the best of the NBA by then following up and taking another top billed point guard. Instead of being in a position to have some youthful talent at two positions, Kahn loaded up at the same position and pissed off the prospect with a higher ceiling so much that he didn’t even come to the team.

Then there was the coach hired to run an offense that he hasn’t ever coached, the trade of three fan favorites for a player that filled a weakness and also gave the team another expiring contract and then the re-trade of that player for another expiring contract but at a position that helps the team about as much as I need an eyeball on the arch of my left foot. 86343355JP006_DRAFTPORTRAITS

In short, Kahn has turned a 24 win team that struggled to fill seats last year into a team that will be lucky to win 20 games and can’t even sell $5 seats. The Timberwolves owner Glen Taylor should be ready to go Mt. St. Helens on Kahn’s ass as he is prepping the team to lose more money than it has ever lost since Taylor bought the team in 1994. He should also be pissed as hell that Kahn turned two very valuable assets into a prospect that wants no part of the team. And David Kahn took on three turds with bad contracts to boot. Yet somehow has remained mum. I know if it was my money that Kahn was pissing away I’d be beating him with a rubber hose and throwing rocks at his teeth right now.
Worse than everything is Kahn’s arrogant attitude. In every interview he has given since being hired on May 22nd 2009 (when we started listening to the tale that Verbal Kint/Keyser Soze started spinning) Kahn has spoken to the interviewer as if they were a 4 year old child with a learning disability. If Kahn spoke to me like that, I would pull his eyeballs out through his earholes. I know I’m no NBA GM, but I know at least 2 dozen people who are able to hold their own in a conversation about basketball better than Kahn can.

Kahn may have fooled Glen Taylor and a select few of the media here in Minnesota, but not me. I know that his last name is simply just a phonetically spelled pronunciation of what he is trying to do to the Timberwolves. He messed up the Ricky Rubio situation so badly that it will be at least 2 years until he plays for the Wolves, but probably more (if at all) and if he is planning on just using his rights as an asset for another trade (if he does that it will screw up the franchise even more). Because it will be at the lowest point of Rubio’s value.

Kahn’s plan to build a winning basketball team has about as much chance to succeed as Gary Coleman in an Olympic High Jump event. He apparently never grasped the concept of “Buy Low, Sell High” and we should probably thank our lucky stars that he isn’t a manager of a hedge fund, a mutual fund advisor or a financial planner. In less than four months he has killed the Timberwolves chances at improving from last year. Remember, at one point Minnesota was one of the hottest teams in basketball before Al Jefferson got hurt. Kahn has completely demoralized any fan base that was left after the last couple seasons of suck with a completely illogical theory of “Buy High, Sell Low.”

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I don’t know what kind of screw job the Timberwolves/Glen Taylor put on Kahn in his former life, but he is returning the favor with gusto now. Keyser Soze would be proud.

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Comments

  1. haha i’m only laughing at the analogies, not the situation. I’m not a wolves fan but would have loved to watch that young team with Rubio at the helm. The wolves should have hired simmons. Is there any hope of Kahn being fired?

  2. Simmons as a GM? I don’t care how much you like his commentary, I’ll pass on that until I see him spend time as a scout and a front office member before I give him the keys to an NBA franchise.

    I don’t get why Kahn is blamed for the Rubio thing? There was a deal in place to bring him over and Rubio backed out? Why is that on Kahn’s shoulders? I’m not losing sleep too over a trade that sent Craig Smith, Bassy & Maddog… maybe they were well-liked by fans but they’ll be easily forgotten if the team can win more games.

    They’re not going to be good this year but he’s cleared cap, holds potentially three first rounders again this year and also brought in Ramon Sessions officially today. The one move I didn’t like was sending Q-Rich for Mark Blount, who will never see a Wolves uniform on himself again anyway.

    I don’t think the author has given Kahn any type of chance to succeed in his job. And while McHale might have been outed the wrong way, it was MCHALE, the guy who should have been fired at least three or four years ago after everything post 2004 WCF went wrong.

    Rambis was a top assistant and has brought in some other guys with good NBA experience. I think it will be an interesting year but all along the goal was 2010. That’s still the focus and Kahn hasn’t lost track of that.

  3. Wow Pete tell us how you really feel about David Kahn…this was freakin hilarious

  4. Maybe Rubio will come to the Bulls…after he’s finishing watching MJ’s speech at the hall of fame right now, he’ll get inspired

  5. Peter Christian says

    Here is why Kahn can be blamed for Rubio… he never gave the kid a reason to come play for Minnesota. He effed up by drafting Flynn (who I love, but if you draft Rubio, you don’t need both) and made himself look like a god damn idiot by saying the team wanted to play them both. How exactly do you play two pure PG when one is 6’4″ and the other is 6′ even? That would be a nightmare defensively.

    At the end of the day Kahn is best suited to be a numbers guy and NOT a basketball guy. He has no clue what it takes to put together a successful team and it has shown in his moves thus far. He is playing both the “Saving Money” card at the same time as he is playing the “Gathering Assets” card. You can’t honestly believe that you can do both and be a successful team. Pick one, go with it.

    Then comes the value issue. If Kahn is supposedly gathering assets, tell me how exactly he plans to get value for those assets? Rubio now cannot play until 2011 and if you read Chris Sheridan and know Dan Fegan it is far more logical to believe he won’t until 2012. Who is going to give anything of value to get any player that they won’t see for 3 years? Add in that the team gave up its two most valuable assets to get that pick and that is a bad trade. He traded Q-Rich at his lowest possible value. He still hasn’t addressed the fact that the team is going to start the year without a proven 2-guard.

    The guy does NOT know basketball. Go back and listen to any interview he has given since he was hired and I dare you to tell me that he really gets it. I dare you. He is not qualified to hold the position and is proving it every single day.

  6. Peter Christian says

    Also, if Rubio “backed out” why did Kahn say he was never certain there was a deal? This guy is a double talker. Rubio never agreed to the deal and Kahn only said he backed out to cover his own ass, then he realized he was pushing Rubio under the bus to save his own ass and went into spin mode and for some god forsaken reason the MN media and fans have bought in.

    LISTEN TO ME: This guy is an effing con-man… he conned Taylor to get the job and now he is conning each and every person that is OK with how he is running the show. He took an already blossoming team and torpedoed them to get at least 5 games worse and for what? To trade Rubio for a quarter of his true value? To maybe get an extra draft pick in a draft that he won’t be prepared for?

    Until I get a true explanation for the REAL reason they took Flynn after Rubio I am sailing with the fact that Kahn doesn’t know shit.

  7. Pete, you’re a great guy.. we’re just going to have to agree to disagree. It would be a great Deposit.

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