We don’t do Big Ten football power rankings here because well, every single website in the entire world does that. What we do instead is the “one thing we learned about each team” this week. Yes, there are people who do this bit as well, but their version is more “PR friendly.”
Put it this way, it’s the same routine, but those people do a rendition that’s like the music of Will Smith/The Fresh Prince and D.J. Jazzy Jeff. We’re more like N.W.A./Dr. Dre/Ice Cube/Eazy-E. We’re warning you now- explicit lyrics to come.
1. Penn State
Maybe Christian Hackenberg should take a massive insurance policy on his NFL Draft stock. I’m genuinely worried about the safety and well-being of the kid. The mighty defensive line of mid-major Temple sacked him 10 TIMES! #Sackenberg
https://twitter.com/PaulMBanks/status/640319897436848128
So Hackenberg was sacked more groceries at Target, what else did we learn about Big Ten football?
2. Illinois
I know the P.J. Fleck bandwagon is standing room only right now (and I have my reservations about that) but let’s see what Cubitism can be first. #Cubitism could be an actual thing here. Yes, Kent State is garbage, but I still think Bill Cubit over Tim Beckman gets you a two win bump. Overall though, the national reputation of the Illini Head Coaching gig is better than you think it is.
https://twitter.com/PaulMBanks/status/640261376586420224
At least this is good for a laugh. #Illini pic.twitter.com/gpZYDPfHyt
— Dave Wischnowsky (@wischlist) September 5, 2015
3. Ohio State
Braxton Miller playing wide receiver appears on your screen like playing EA Sports John Madden Football, and utilizing Randall Cunningham or Barry Sanders, in comparison to everyone else on your television. Also, this Virginia Tech fan won the night; even though OSU won the game.
Goodnight, Blacksburg. pic.twitter.com/SyqawqrQsT
— McNeil (@Reflog_18) September 8, 2015
4. Michigan
The mainstream national media’s Harboner resulted in a let-down, but again that’s a great Utah team, and Harbaugh needs time to get his system in place. His quarterback options are not….they’re not…..they’re just….ok, they’re bad.
5. Northwestern
NU has two “preseason” games in their pre-conference (Eastern Illinois, Ball State) and two premier non-conference games (Stanford, @ Duke). They needed to get at least one of the two big ones, and they accomplished that Saturday. The 16-6 score doesn’t tell the whole story of how impressive Northwestern looked. Stanford’s greatest strength is their OL, and the Wildcats DL really took it to ’em.
On the other side of the ball, NU’s O-line was one of the biggest question marks heading into this season, and they looked great in paving the way for the running game. It was a very solid effort all around.
https://twitter.com/PaulMBanks/status/640235651582042112
6. Rutgers
I’m sorry it took this long to get to the Scarlet Knights. Obviously, you heard about what happened off the field this week. Five players were suspended, and then dismissed from the program. What did they do? You can read about it at this link. I’ll reserve commentary here, because the facts are so outrageous enough in themselves.
7. Purdue
My favorite play of the week, from a Big Ten football team, by far. Behold Purdue QB Austin Appleby
https://twitter.com/SBNationCFB/status/640615690358145024
But in the end though, these Purdue alum comrades summed it up for me.
My alma mater is like a puppy. You love it, you just wish it would constantly stop shitting on the rug. #Purdue
— Matt Lindner (@mattlindner) September 6, 2015
Same old Purdue. Be the better team most of the game only to blow it at the end. New year. Same result.
— Hammer and Rails (@HammerAndRails) September 6, 2015
8. Michigan State
Thanks Sparty for increasing the career stock of P.J. Fleck. MSU was looking ahead to Oregon, plain and simple. Here’s a detailed look at how although Fleck has his merits, he’s become vastly overrated quite quickly by the national pundits. Still when “Western Michigan” was top ten trending nationally, all night long, it means
a.) the Spartans were on social media in full force during this game
b.) P.J. Fleck is the new flavor of the month or
c.) both of the above
9. Indiana
Is it alright if we just skip them this week? Okay? Good. Next:
10. Wisconsin
Don’t you just love Frank Kaminsky? We certainly do. Unfortunately, it all went downhill after this. Although, to be fair, Alabama is as tough an opening assignment as it gets. We actually didn’t see how solid the Badgers truly are because the Crimson Tide are indeed CFB royalty.
ITS PEANUT BUTTER STAVE TIME! #TEAMSTAVEISBACK
— Frank Kaminsky III (@FSKPart3) September 6, 2015
11. Maryland
Hey, they’ve got a guy who’s really good at punt returning!!! Whatever, wake me up when Melo Trimble and Diamond Stone are ready to team up and throw down on the hard wood.
12. Nebraska
Straight up Westerkamped; no other word to describe it.
13. Minnesota
I probably underrated these guys. The race for second in the Big Ten West is very wide open, and the Gophers (as well as both NUs) will be in the mix for that. It’s the biggest question mark of the Big Ten football hierarchy.
14. Iowa
Of all the Big Ten football teams, this is still the one for which I have the weakest feelings. Saturday taught us nothing about them being good, bad, mediocre or anything else in between. Iowa State comes calling soon so that will edify us a bit.
Paul M. Banks owns, operates and writes The Sports Bank.net, which is part of the FOX Sports Engage Network. Banks, a former writer for the Washington Times, currently contributes to the Chicago Tribune RedEye edition. He also appears regularly on numerous talk radio stations all across the country. Catch him Tuesdays on KOZN 1620 the Zone.
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