Some non-Tebow Gators will get drafted in 1st round

gator dazzlers

By Paul M. Banks

If you have any connection at all to the state of the Florida and/or college football, you might have heard a thing or two about an ultra-pious, overly emotional Florida Gators QB named St. Tim Tebow. And if you’ve followed any pre-NFL Draft coverage (stories on the combine, pro days, Senior Bowl etc.) at all in these months leading up to it, you’ve probably heard St. Tim’s name a few times. After all his name has been published about 1,000 times more than your typical (projected) 5th-6th round draft pick. However, part of what made St. Tebow such a legendary college football player was all the overwhelming NFL ready talent surrounding him. And if the mainstream sports media didn’t devote 99.999% of their Gators coverage to the merits and virtues of Tebow, you might know a little more about these names I’m about to mention.

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Florida’s Urban Meyer Resigns Due to Heart Muscle Defect

By Alex Simon and Paul M. Banks

First Billy Donovan, now Urban Meyer has unexpectedly stepped down. However, Meyer is not leaving the University of Florida for another job. And his reasons for leaving are far more serious than money offered by the Orlando Magic. Tonight he stunned the college football world with his announcement that he is stepping down as coach due to a non-life threatening heart muscle defect. Meyer resigns while residing at the pinnacle of the college football world, with the Gators going 56-and-10 with two national championships during his five seasons at the Swamp.

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Ron Zook Attacked by Florida Gator Thugs

By Paul M. Banks

You would think that when a coach is leading a program that is the pre-eminent power in all of college football, said coach would possess a sense of humility and sportsmanship. You would think that when you’re coaching the reigning national champions, with a quarterback deemed sacrosanct and above criticism by the national media, you would be content, satisfied and have better things to do that fire insults at the leader of a mediocre college football program.

However, Florida Gators head man Urban Meyer is obviously none of these things- but he did become a strong candidate for my 2010 douchebracket when he went out of his way to viciously slander Illinois head football coach Ron Zook, his predecessor at the University of Florida.

I’ll let’s Adam Rittenberg break it down

“Meyer’s response came after The Orlando Sentinel’s Jeremy Fowler asked him how he treats fighting between players after an alleged incident at Miami that left Hurricanes defensive end Adewale Ojomo with a broken jaw.urban_meyer_poster2

The question had no mention of Zook or the previous regime, but Meyer, who never mentioned Zook by name, launched into this attack.

“When we first got here five years ago they had freshmen in a separate locker room and it was a bunch of tin lockers over there and they weren’t allowed to walk [into the regular locker room],” Meyer told reporters Friday. “Think about this for a minute: this is a big-time college football program and we had some fights because they treat their freshman like they were non-people.

“‘Don’t walk through here, we’ll kick your tail, we’ll shave your eyebrows.’ It took us awhile to break that great culture we had here. That was tremendous. You don’t win many games, but you beat up freshman and shave eyebrows. Absolutely unbelievable.”

Oh, wait, there’s more.

“It’s called a team, not some silly nonsense. That was five years ago, let’s go beat up freshmen. Let’s get our brains kicked in against our rival, but let’s go beat up a freshman.”

The first rule of show-business (and college football is obviously show-business, why else would the NCAA sellout control of their postseason to corporate sponsors) you never use your bit to attack the guy who does bigger numbers than you. That’s why MSNBC’s Keith Olberman devotes so much of his show to trashing Bill O’Reilly, his ratings are lower than O’Reilly’s. (But to be fair the combined IQ of O’Reilly’s collective audience is likely less than a random sampling of 100 Olberman viewers) It’s why I never attacked that Miller Park douchenozzle, but he slammed me. His web traffic is light years behind mine. So why did Meyer go out of his way to slam Zook, who is five years removed from the The Swamp? “Have you no decency, sir?”

Seriously, the Zooker may have his faults, but at least he knows how to take the high road, when the massive tool that is Urban Meyer probably couldn’t even find it with a Garmin.

Again quoting Rittenberg’s piece, this is what Zook had to say

“I was surprised to see that, once again, five years later, we’re blamed for something else at Florida. But by now I guess I shouldn’t be. This one was most disappointing because it implies we didn’t look out for our players. From someone who wasn’t there at the time. I can assure you I’ve never, ever been accused of that. I thought I was too much of a players’ coach.”

Just in case you don’t hate Florida (the over-hyped, over-exposed like North Carolina in basketball program of college football) enough yet, Meyer is doing his best to give you some rationale.