Chicago Bears players as Thanksgiving Dinner items


Chicago Bears

The Chicago Bears head to Detroit for a late Thanksgiving morning tilt against the Lions. For the sake of all involved (fans, players, coaching staff), the game should end before most eat their turkey, stuffing and other traditional Turkey Day dishes. No need to ruin the appetites of those choosing to watch the fools’ gold that is the Chicago Bears.

In an attempt to have a light-hearted look at a bad Bears team, why not compare players to some of the food that will be served on Thanksgiving? This will be fun; or a complete dumpster fire, which is how most forecasted the Bears’ season back in August. Remember, there was no in between.

Jay Cutler – Ham: Good if you can stomach it, but one of the meat items that most people tend not to care about; Jay Cutler doesn’t care about your reaction and most don’t care about ham this week, due to the turkey.

Ham can be fatty, and Jay isn’t exactly looking like the leanest of athletic meats. Cutler may be the poster child for being an elite athlete without looking like one.

jay-cutler-terry-bradshaw marc trestman

Marc Trestman – Turkey: This one is too easy. The Chicago Bears have regressed in Trestman’s second season and the man leading the team is doing his best to annoy and confuse media members and fans with his odd sayings and superlatives.

If the Bears beat the Lions Sunday, the dry musings of Marc Trestman could be that much closer to being locked in for another season in Chicago.

Brandon Marshall – Stuffing: Overrated, a mixed back of ingredients makes up the dish I would love to see ex-communicated from the Thanksgiving dinner table. People love the dish for some unknown reason, but once you learn more about the concoction, it is easy to pass over for better dishes.

Brandon Marshall kyle long

Lance Briggs – Candied Yams: Briggs has regressed over the last two seasons and he looks to have packed on a few pounds. Candied yams go good with marshmallows, and since Briggs looks like one…

Shea McClellin – Alcohol: The 1st-round bust can’t stay on his feet for more than two plays at a time. If he was drunk he would finally have an excuse for his poor play.

Matt Forte – Pumpkin Pie: Essential to a successful meal, pumpkin pie is the go-to dessert to close out a day of eating. Not only is Forte an effective runner, but his ability to catch the football is whipped cream on top of an already good thing.

Forte has been the lone bright spot on an inept offense. He has salvaged his fair share of drives, and games, this season for the Chicago Bears.

Happy Thanksgiving, and please avoid eating during the Bears game. You’ll just make a mess for somebody else to clean.

Jeff is a production assistant @120Sports and contributor to hockey, football, and baseball for The Sports Bank. Follow him on Twitter @skcih_ffej.


  1. It’s entirely possible that if this team wasn’t forced to eat the schemes, game plans, and play calls of it’s TWO turkeys; Trestman and Tucker, that the rest of the meal might be more satisfying.

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