Chicago Bears players as Thanksgiving Dinner items

Chicago Bears

The Chicago Bears head to Detroit for a late Thanksgiving morning tilt against the Lions. For the sake of all involved (fans, players, coaching staff), the game should end before most eat their turkey, stuffing and other traditional Turkey Day dishes. No need to ruin the appetites of those choosing to watch the fools’ gold that is the Chicago Bears.

In an attempt to have a light-hearted look at a bad Bears team, why not compare players to some of the food that will be served on Thanksgiving? This will be fun; or a complete dumpster fire, which is how most forecasted the Bears’ season back in August. Remember, there was no in between.

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Brandon Marshall: Professional Victim

Brandon Marshall

Brandon Marshall has done so much to rehab his image and rehab as a human being. Today erased all of that.

Marshall decided to speak on the current state of the NFL and talk about a few issues concerning him. A recent piece on ESPN’s “E:60” and Gloria Allred’s Wednesday press conference empowered the Chicago Bears wide receiver to speak Thursday afternoon.

That decision was a mistake.

What could have been a perfect moment to use his rehabilitation into a functioning member of the NFL after poor life choices turned into a session of victim-blaming and ranting. Marshall was openly bashing ESPN even though he does a weekly radio show on their Chicago affiliate, WMVP-AM 1000. [Read more…]

Chicago Bears Predictions: Week 3

Steelers-Bears

Things “Joestradamus” has in common with the Chicago Bears: we’re both 2-0.

According to my prediction this week, we should both have no problems making it 3-0.

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Chicago Bears Predictions: Week One

Chicago Bears Predictions

It’s that time of year again, folks; time for “Joestradamus” to bust out the crystal ball and make Chicago Bears predictions for 2013.

Remind me to have my legal people to look into getting “Joestradamus” trademarked, I think I’m onto something here.

Last year in my prediction series, I correctly called the first eight Chicago Bears predictions en route to a 7-1 start. Things got a bit sketchy in the third quarter when I called for three more victories while the Bears were only able to eek out one.

Let’s also not mention that I never predicted the final four games of the season…

But fear not! I’ve been inspired by the news of J’Marcus Webb signing with the Vikings to find my prime predicting form from the first half of last season.

Without further ado, I give you my first installment of my annual foray into clairvoyance.

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What is the Chicago Bears Biggest Need?

Needs

It seems like such a simple question, but no one can provide a definitive answer.

In free agency, the Bears did quite a bit in terms of addressing some of their most glaring needs. The offensive tackle, tight end, and linebacker positions were all upgraded.

But with the NFL Draft less than a week away, predictions are still all over the board for who the Bears may take with the 20th selection.

In my opinion, this is a two-horse race: offensive lineman, or linebacker. Apparently, most draft experts don’t agree with me.

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Chicago Bears Hindsight Draft

Jerry Angelo Hindsight

Imagine, if you will, Troy Polamalu returning a fumble he forced himself for a touchdown; Aaron Rodgers lofting up 50-yard bombs with pinpoint accuracy; and Maurice Jones-Drew dissecting a defense with his explosive speed.

Now, imagine all of those things happening… with those players wearing Bears jerseys. Call it crazy if you’d like, but the draft records show that former GM Jerry Angelo had the power to make all of this possible. In hindsight. [Read more…]

Chicago Bears Full Draft Predictions

Goodell

The calendar has finally flipped to April. Phil Emery and the Chicago Bears are putting the finishing touches on their draft plans and are preparing their war rooms for the three-day extravaganza known as the NFL Draft.

Most sports media outlets have been churning out mock drafts for the past few months. These mock drafts, however, usually only cover the first round. The most daring sports analysts may even sneak out into the deep end and take a stab at predicting the second round.

Knowing that predicting the draft is just about as easy as picking a perfect NCAA Tournament Bracket, its understandable why fewer still try to predict all seven rounds. But, in the face of my own better judgment, I will attempt to do exactly that.

Here are my predictions at all seven rounds worth of Chicago Bears draft picks, including two predictions that are nearly guaranteed to be correct. [Read more…]

Chicago Bears 2013 potential offseason moves

Phil_Emery

It’s never too soon to think about how the Bears can improve for next season. I have some suggestions for GM Phil Emery.

I think with 2 key moves in the offseason, the Bears can find themselves on the right side of lopsided final scores like we saw in Jacksonville, only against much better opponents than the Jaguars.

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What’s the 2nd biggest problem the Chicago Bears have?

Bears O Line

It’s no secret at this point. The most glaring need that the Chicago Bears need to address this offseason is their offensive line.

You can copy and paste the 2 sentences above into a description of the Bears heading into last offseason. And in 2010… And in 2009…

You get my point.

Unfortunately for Jay Cutler, he had to get dragged to the turf 148 times over the past 4 seasons for anybody with the appropriate power to notice.

I have full confidence in GM Phil Emery that he will shore up the offensive line in some fashion in the coming months. It may be through the draft, it may be through free agency. Hell, it may be through both seeing how many holes there are to plug up front.

But if there’s one thing Emery has shown to the fans since he’s been here, it’s that if there is a need, it will be addressed promptly and properly.

Wide receiver problems? Let’s steal Brandon Marshall from the Dolphins. Need an offensive minded head coach? Let’s bring in upwards of a dozen guys, mostly noted offensive geniuses, and have a replacement picked within 3 weeks of the season ending. Welcome to Chicago, Marc Trestman.

The man gets the job done, especially when it comes to fixing a top priority.

With news breaking early Wednesday morning that the Bears have chosen Trestman, expect other coaching voids to be filled in a domino effect. We’ve already seen former Cowboys Special Teams Coordinator named to the same position for the Bears, who recently lost Dave Toub to the Kansas City Chiefs. Early indications have Rod Marinelli remaining as the Defensive Coordinator, and Saints interim coach Aaron Kromer has been tabbed as the Offensive Coordinator.

When the dust settles, expect Emery to work very closely with Trestman and his staff to start constructing a plan to enhance the offensive line.

But hidden beneath the obvious needs, what other areas on the roster does the front office need to improve this offseason?

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Meet the Candidates for the Chicago Bears Head Coach Position

Phil Emery

Breaking up is hard to do. After a 10-6 season that will leave the Chicago Bears watching the NFL Playoffs from their couches, the team cut their ties with head coach Lovie Smith after 9 seasons.

Many players have already voiced their displeasure with GM Phil Emery’s decision to fire Smith. Devin Hester is even threatening retirement now that Lovie will no longer be calling the shots.

But as Emery stated in his press conference this past Tuesday, a lack of offensive consistency and playoff appearances are what did Lovie in. The Bears only managed 3 postseason berths, a 3-3 postseason record, and ranked in the top half of the NFL in yards per game just once (15th in 2006) in the past 9 seasons.

That track record would’ve done anyone in, not just Lovie. Despite being a defensive genius and a true “leader of men”, Emery knows that it’s in the best interest of the team to find a coach who will bring the offensive production to the same level that the defense has been producing at for decades.

Finally, someone understands.

The Bears will now be testing the free agent coaching waters for the first time since 2004. There are 7 names that have already emerged as candidates for the job, most of them being offensive coordinators.

While it’s nice to imagine all of the big name coaches on the market in blue and orange, I’m going to stick to the 7 men who have been granted permission to interview for the job.

My apologies to anyone hoping to hear Nick Saban or Andy Reid.

Emery has a lot of deciphering to do in the coming weeks, but he hopes to have picked his replacement before the East-West Shrine Game (college football’s “all star game”) on January 19th.

Without further ado, let’s meet the contestants.

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Are the Chicago Bears better off losing this Sunday?

If the Bears fall to Detroit in Week 17, will it be better for the team in the long run?

If the Bears fall to Detroit in Week 17, will it be better for the team in the long run?

It’s that time of year again Bears fans. No, I’m not talking about making New Year’s preparations and looking forward to a nice long bye week heading into the playoffs. It’s time to look back on what was once a promising season, and hurriedly scramble together a scenario that has the Bears backing into the playoffs as the 2nd Wild Card team.

This year, the equation isn’t all that difficult: take care of business against Detroit at Ford Field, and then hope for a little help from “our friends” from Green Bay as they take on the Vikings.

But in the grand scheme of things, would it actually be better for the Bears to lose this Sunday and miss the playoffs all together?

I can hear all the diehards yelling at me through their computer screens. But hear me out.

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Bears Chris Conte rips fans in Tweet; channels George W. Bush

chris-conte

Remember after 9/11 when then President George W. Bush proclaimed “you’re either with us, or with the terrorists” to the entire world? Well the NFL version of that came today after the Green Bay Packers beat the Chicago Bears and put the Bears in serious jeopardy of making the playoffs. Bears safety Chris Conte turned on his own fans by tweeting the following:

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