The Chicago Cubs have been brilliantly marketed. You can thank current Chicago Blackhawks President John McDonough for that.
Obviously, it takes a village of marketing experts (yes, intentional Hillary Clinton reference there, as she sometimes pretends to be a Cubs fan, when she’s not pretending to be a Yankees fan) to successfully sell “Margaritaville” here, but McDonough is the main man who made that happen.
It’s no small feat- making a decrepit, decaying ballpark in a cold weather climate hosting a 106-years-and-counting title drought the venue for 81 pseudo Jimmy Buffett concerts every “summer.” However, since McDonough left, the Cubs marketing department has been off their game somewhat. The 2014 Cubs are clearly grasping at straws now.
So we present to you now, in no particular order of significance, the top 2014 Cubs bread and circuses. Fark is a news aggregator website I check multiple times a day. Because like their slogan says, “it’s not news, it’s Fark.” And the 2014 Cubs have specialized in Fark. Because Fark is easy to manufacture and produce, and it’s extremely easy (and fun) for us in the media to report.
It’s also a way for the Cubs to continue to get positive PR; while they’re on pace to lose 100+ again. Because hey, if you’re talking about these “things,” you’re not talking about how bad the team on the field is playing.
Click the headline in bold for more detail on each 2014 Cubs produced shiny object intended to avert your gaze. Why? #BecauseItsTheCubs
They claim this acquisition is not a publicity stunt, and since he’s not supposed to have any role with the parent club in any way, maybe that’s true. However, I just don’t see it. It just doesn’t make sense.
This wasn’t news. It was actually Benjamin Moore paying the 2014 Cubs a lot of money to do obvious product placement. Benjamin Moore was also rather aggressive in getting media members to literally watch paint dry as part of their job duties that day.
“BENJAMIN MOORE! BENJAMIN MOORE PAINTS” Hey, where’s my $$$$$? I just did your Darren Rovell style shill disguised as news shilling for you! I want my cut damnit!
3. A bobblehead giveaway of an opponent, celebrating something an opponent accomplished against them
Gotta love the 2014 Cubs. This is rather unprecedented. Why?
Again, #BecauseItsTheCubs
4. Singing Happy Birthday to a building. “It’s the Party of the Century!”
How much additional mileage can they get out of Wrigley Field 100? Every time I see those “party of the century” billboards I think of Al Czervik from “Caddyshack.” See below: (coincidentally, this is EXACTLY the same tactic that Cubbie shills in the local media have used to help promote over-priced, horrible sight line bleacher tickets for over a generation. Name a Chicago lifestyle magazine, and I guarantee you’ll find at least one instance of them “reporting” about how so many couples initially met in the bleachers)
5. LOOK!!! New Uniforms!!!!! To be used in only a couple of games
The Cubs are smart enough to realize that new uniforms are considered news stories now. I know, it’s completely ridiculous and stupid that journalism today actually consists of posting some photos of jerseys; which are worn just once or twice at that even. But that’s the world we’re in; it’s what sports media consumers want.
OMG! Look at the shoes Kobe is going to wear in the Christmas Day game!!!! You can’t blame the 2014 Cubs for exploiting the taste and intelligence of the American public.
6. A Yankee actually sat this in chair!!! You MUST buy it!
Please make it stop! Cubs are selling folding chair Masahiro Tanaka sat in. Bidding is at $260. https://t.co/YIi9Y3ny9A via @HardballTalk
— David Kaplan (@thekapman) May 30, 2014
7. The dumpster birthday cake
The Cubs official party line is that they found it deplorable how the museum threw the cake away. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I think that’s debatable. This was, sadly, topic 1 whenever the Cubs were brought up during the month of April.
Paul M. Banks owns The Sports Bank.net, an affiliate of Fox Sports. He’s also a frequent guest on national talk radio. Banks, a former contributor to NBC Chicago and the Washington Times, has been featured in numerous outlets including NFL.com, Forbes and the History Channel. President Barack Obama follows him on Twitter (@paulmbanks)