Yet another sad chapter in the Michigan football saga

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By H. Jose Bosch

Dear Michigan football fans,

This is not the way I want to end things, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you in person.

I’m leaving.

Yes, I know the season isn’t done yet but I feel like it’s time for me to go. I think Saturday’s loss proves that this has all just been a charade. I mean, when we walk down the street together, people are laughing behind our backs. We can’t go out for a nice quiet evening without someone else questioning our relationship. It’s clear that this just isn’t going to work out.

But I want you to know that it’s not you, it’s me. I know people say that all the time, but I really do mean it. Our relationship began under false pretenses. You were looking for something more long term and I clearly couldn’t provide that for you. That doesn’t mean what we had wasn’t real. It just means we weren’t being realistic when we thought it was going to last.

Did you see the defense give up nearly 400 yards of offense on the ground? Could you stand to watch those half-hearted attempts at tackles? Do you understand that a freshman quarterback just can’t lead a team as effectively as a more experienced quarterback?

I know what you’re probably saying to yourself. You’re probably angry that I’ve even led you on this far. That’s fair. But please don’t be too angry with me. When I saw how happy you were at the beginning of the season, I couldn’t help but stick around. It was easy for me to ignore all the problems after a 4-0 start. But now that the team is 5-4, the team’s issues are too big to ignore.

I’m afraid to say you’re on your own the rest of the season. That doesn’t mean we still can’t be friends. But I think it’s best that we spend some time apart.

Never forget me Michigan football fans. Who knows, maybe we’ll meet again in the future.

With love,

Hope

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Comments

  1. paulmbanks says

    well played! indeed everything you said is true. now perhaps Michigan football will go drown their sorrows in an orgy of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and john cusack movies, while hope looks to have a rebound fling with someone new. It certainly won’t be Illinois though. that’s a broken wing

  2. Your knowledge of romcom archetypes is fascinating.

    And I totally respect you for it.

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