Statement released on alleged Mindy McCready Roger Clemens affair


You’ve all heard about the alleged Mindy McCready – Roger Clemens extramarital affair, which McCready claims began when she was 15 and he was 28, but didn’t turn sexual until she was of age. Clemens has denied the relationship but prepared a written statement for reporters which he handed to the journos today.

Clemens, now a special instructor with the Houston Astros, handed reporters a written statement Monday at the team’s spring training camp in Kissimmee, Fla. It says he’d heard “she was trying to get peace and direction in her life.” The steroid disgraced pitcher said McCready and her manager/agent were “extremely nice” the “few times” he saw her.

Mindy McCready, who hit the top of the country charts before personal problems sidetracked her career, died Sunday in Arkansas in an apparent suicide. She was 37. The Cleburne County Sheriff’s Office said in a news release that McCready was found dead at a residence in Heber Springs; she suffered what appears to be a single, self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

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Roger Clemens indy league start to get national tv coverage


           So much has been written already since word came out Monday that Roger Clemens would take the mound for the first time in five years Saturday night in an Atlantic League game to fill another file in the National Baseball Hall of Fame where the 50-year-old phenom may one day have his own plaque depending on how writers vote on his ultra-debated use—or non use—of forbidden substances.

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Roger Clemens signs with Independent League team, Sugar Land Skeeters


Roger Clemens is attempting a comeback, and he’s doing it via the independent leagues.

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Roger Clemens not guilty verdict gets Taiwanese animation treatment


Roger Clemens aka “The Rocket” has escaped federal perjury charges after a jury acquitted the New York Yankees pitching great of the six criminal counts against him. The charges stem from 2008 testimony to Congress in which he denied using steroids, or performance-enhancing drugs.

Clemens had been charged with one count of obstruction of Congress, three counts of making a false statement and two counts of perjury. Much of the federal case against Clemens hinged on testimony from Brian McNamee, Clemens’ former trainer. But doubts about whether or not Roger Clemens doped remain in the minds of many baseball fans, for whom there will always be an asterisk by Clemens’ name.

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Possible NBA Labor Negotiators


Ever since the Casey Anthony trial has concluded, I have been trying to get my legal fix elsewhere. Obviously, I am following the NFL negotiations, and the Roger Clemens debacle resulted in a mistrial. Since I have read all of the John Grisham thrillers, I am of sound legal mind and I am an expert on all things regarding the law. Therefore, I will provide some possible candidates on negotiators for the upcoming NBA discussions.

With these people, the league could expedite the process and avoid last minute posturing around Halloween.

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Tigers Justin Verlander: A Month For the Record Books

As you are firing up your barbeque and checking out the fireworks, contemplate these numbers: six and zero with an earned run average of under one.

That is what the Detroit Tigers Justin Verlander has accomplished during the month of June. The word “unbelievable” gets thrown around quite a bit in today’s world, but it works in this case. Verlander and C.C. Sabathia of the Yankees are the only two pitchers in the major leagues to compile eleven victories so far this season. In addition, Verlander does have the league lead with one hundred thirty strikeouts. This is simply just further evidence of his dominance thus far.

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It’s Time to Reinstate Pete Rose into Baseball

Pete Rose has recently expressed his desire to reenter the Major League baseball scene-possibly as a manager. This inkling is not new to the man who has been shunned by the game for years since he gambled on games. The former player and manager should be forgiven and allowed to return. Commissioner Bud Selig has been spending his time trying to increase the number of playoff games so he can ensure that the Yankees and Red Sox continue to make the postseason. He has been really hypocritical in his response to the various infractions that arise in baseball.

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DBag Bracket Banks Regional Champion

By Paul M. Banks

Welcome to the d-bag bracket, a tournament deciding the most insufferable douchebags in all of sports. Please feel free to vote early and vote often for your choice in the Final Four.

Regional Champion: Non-Academically affiliated Notre Dame Fans.

It’s not every year the city of Chicago cancels a long-running parade. And when that rare event coincided with the inaugural year of the douchebracket- ND fans got their ticket punched to the Final 4. The large group of drunk morons engaging in stupid and illegal behavior at the Southside Irish parade (and you know many of them were repping the Golden Dome despite having no actual legitimate connection to the school) clinched it. The one ND alum currently in my social circle, Jim the CF on my rec. league softball team, is a pretty cool guy and a couple weeks ago he read the site and felt compelled to tell me how much he can’t stand these people. It’s similar to how I feel about the central Illinois townies and thuggish ruggish uneducated Chicagoans who think they know as much about/love the Illini as much as I do.

This regional’s #3 seed are the most egregious offenders within a special kind of douchebag classification- white trash idiots aligning themselves with front-runner schools (despite the fact the Fighting Irish haven’t won anything important in either sport for 20+ years) because….1.) Maybe their brother or cousin or somebody attended the school and they’ve been wasted in South Bend a couple times 2.) They’re Irish-American and they ignore this fact pointed out by commenter “Zoo” in round one:

“#3 should take this bracket hands down. Just because you’re Irish shouldn’t make you a Notre Dame fan…Why are they the Fighting Irish anyway? Notre Dame is French.”

I’m guessing these people have never been to the cathedral on Paris’ river Seine! So how did they rout #13 University of Michigan fans in the elite 8 game and squeeze past #2 Roger Clemens in the sweet 16?

It was a very tall order considering that Clemens is a guy who:

1.) Lived a big lie long after everyone stopped believing it

2.) Cheated on his wife with a teenager.

3.) Threw his wife under the bus to try and save his own ass

4.) Had no concept of “team” and made his own selfish rules and double standards during the last few years of his career

5.) Threw a bat at Mike Piazza in a fit of World Series roid rage

6.) I’ll stop here because this could go on for a thousand words, point being that this was a classic douchebracket battle.

The Regional final game against UM fans is reminiscent of when the two football teams each year on the third Saturday in September. When that stadium is filled each autumn, it is to me………well, remember when hard-line Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said he “wanted Israel wiped off the map”?

All these bandwagon unaffiliated Fighting Irish fans are more evil and dangerous than the Taliban because their existence

-Validates the hypocritical holier-than-thou attitude the school has at every level; from the gelatinous Charlie Weiss to the horribly unprofessional press relations department.

-Creates the inflated consumer demand equilibrium that yielded a special college football television contract no other team has and this stupid notion they should be regularly covered by the Chicago sports media. South Bend is in a different state and time zone from the second city. They are NOT and never have been our home team!

Douchebracket Banks Regional Semifinals

Welcome to the d-bag bracket, a tournament deciding the most insufferable douchebags in all of sports. Please feel free to comment as much as possible  because your feedback will help determine who advances to the Final Four.

By Paul M. Banks

Regional Semi Final #2 Roger Clemens vs. #3 Notre Dame fans with no connection to the school

I think this game could be a national semifinal, not just a regional semifinal as many bracketologists across the country have picked these guys to be their national champions. It’s a lying cheater who threw his wife and close friends under the bus versus people who (for no valid reason) support a team that everyone hates, a team that doesn’t even have the luxury of being hated because they’re good.

How non-academically affiliated Notre Dame fans got here:
this was undoubtedly the stronger portion of the bracket. The #6 People who think Chris Berman is funny destroyed #11 ESPN’s Tim Tebow coverage but fell to ND fans by just one point after leading for 59 minutes of the game. ND had a tough first round opponent in Tyler Hansbrough, who gets more irritating every time he pumps his effete, short T-Rex like arms in celebration, but Psycho T. the man with the worst nickname in all of sports was no match for this group on St. Patrick’s Day when these douchebags are all out in full force. And remember, Chicago has two parades and essentially celebrates the Irish drinking holiday on three separate days each year.

But NOT anymore! After 31 years the city of Chicago suspended the South side Irish parade due to the drunken tomfoolery and rowdiness of inebriated by 10 am hooligans. 54 people were arrested! More than the night Chicago people turned over cars to “celebrate” the Bulls title. You know those morons were probably wearing shamrock beeds, those plastic green hats called…I don’t know those dorky hats that homoerotic dancing men wear and diddley-boppers on their heads. What else were these likely non-high school educated people wearing? Probably plenty of Notre Dame merchandise. And good riddance to the South Side Irish parade. I grew up about 20 minutes from where it takes place, lived in the Chicago area most of my life, and been to it a grand total of one time. And one time too many!

How Roger Clemens got here: by being Roger Clemens and routing Illini fans complaining about the refs in round one. That was the most lopsided game in the tourney so far. Supporters of a fellow juicehead, Barry Bonds, met Clemens in the second round after the seven seed cruised past Peyton Manning’s incessant commercials. These 10 over 7 mild upsets can sometimes be easy to predict. Clemens cheated on his wife with a washed-up drug addicted country singer when she was barely legal meaning he deserved a victory over a group of people who (like followers of Intelligent Design) are too stupid or pig-headed to believe in simple science. But Bonds today is too much of a pariah to see his acolytes advance further in this bracket.

Regional Semi Final  #8 Pro Chief Illiniwek Zealots vs. #13 University of Michigan Fans

A lot of office pools had broken brackets in this side of the regional. While seedings held in the lower part of the bracket, chaos ruled in the upper portion. But consider that II got hate mail from Chief Illiniwek fans just this past week, and a Michigan fan (who didn’t attend the school by the way) actually de-friended me on Facebook for talking trash after Illini won their meeting in the Big Ten tournament. Seriously, you (and you know who you are) started the smack talk but can’t handle the response- LAME! These two groups of irritating Big Ten backers found their way into the Sweet Sixteen.

How the Pro-Chief people got here: First they survived a 6 overtime thriller with the anti-Chief zealots because I had trouble deciding which group was truly the bigger collection of losers besmirching the reputation of my alma mater. In round two I realized that “The General” hasn’t been that relevant as a coach in ages and some of his work on ESPN isn’t half bad. And since he hasn’t choked anyone, attacked any kids simply because they greeted him or laid his convoluted and regressive world views on us lately, he was ripe for a shocking upset in round two. He was also likely tired from his round one slugfest with the drunken and baseball illiterate subset of Cubs fans. That contest came down to a buzzer beater that’s still under review.

How U of M fans got here:
The #4 seed Over-commercialization of Sportscenter was a sleeper pick in many tournament pick’em games, so this might have been the upset of the tourney so far. But Sportscenter still at least has some stats and charts wedged in there with all the self-promotion, cross promotion and segments starring Rick Reilly that appeal to the brain-dead. Once again #12 upset #5 as the annoyance of Chase Daniel is much more fresh in my mind than that of the Back-stabbing Judas, Eric Gordon. Besides Kelvin Sampson was the real enemy and douchebag of that situation and he’s seeded in Peter Christian’s regional. UM fans had no problem dismissing Chase Daniel’s douchitude as he will now descend into obscurity for the rest of his life.

Douchebracket Banks Regional

Welcome to the d-bag bracket, a tournament deciding the most insufferable douchebags in all of sports. Please feel free to comment as much as possible, because your feedback will help determine who advances to the Final Four.

This is the bracket compiled by site founder Paul M. Banks

1. Bobby Knight-
Where do you start with this asshole? My heart goes out to his players and his children. Pat Knight is both, so he must have the highest pain tolerance of any human being alive.

2. Roger Clemens-
Quite possibly the worst liar in all history, Clemens’ used artificially enhanced brute strength to dumb down and destroy the intellectual element of strategy and finesse essential to the art of pitching. Great role model for kids too!

3. Notre Dame fans w/ no connection to the school-
Imagine if your school had the power to recruit fans based on ethnicity and religion. Then whenever you attended a game/alumni event featuring your alma mater, you could be surrounded by ignorant front-runner bandwagon jumping douchebags.

4. Over-commercialization & self-promotion of Sportscenter-
Remember when you were 14 and you stayed home from school and watched the replay of SC over and over again in the morning? It was easy to do then because the show was actually about stats, highlights and numbers- not promoting a cultural product of Disney or a crappy domestic beer

5. Eric “Basketball Judas” Gordon-
Indiana’s pathetic season has helped drop his seed down, but he still stabbed Illination in the back, just so he could ally himself with the biggest scumbag of college basketball

6. People who think Chris Berman is funny-
Unless you’re 9 years old or a huge fan of 70s rock, how can you find this bloated bloviating Bristol blowhole amusing? Are Bachman-Turner-Overdrive jokes about Eagles fullbacks that important in your life?

7. Peyton Manning’s incessant commercials-
He really does have a face for radio. Some of his ads are well-written, but they lose all their humor after the 4th or 5th showing. After the 3,456th showing, someone needs to be shot.

8. Pro-Chief Illiniwek zealots-
In a world with a climate crisis, an employment crisis, economic crisis, a healthcare crisis, the U.S. stuck in two unwinnable wars and whole host of other pressing issues, your pet cause is gonna be…perceived oppression by the p.c. police against a frat boy dancing for 5 minutes at halftime? GET A LIFE!

9. Anti-Chief Illiniwek zealots-
It’s not like there’s a shortage of causes in the world. With all our problems, we need grassroots involvement to show our corporate and government (perhaps I’m being redundant there) leaders that the people want to see results in things that matter. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM!

10. People who think Barry Bonds didn’t use ‘roids-
There are tons of people who think Saddam was responsible for 9/11, there are people who think Bush, Cheney et al did not deliberately lie us into the Iraq war. Likewise there are millions of idiots who think Barry is being oppressed by a racist witch hunt. I’d don’t want to sound old and crotchety, but in my day we believed in simple facts. Basic truths are not optional to believe in.

11. ESPN’s Tim Tebow coverage-
That’s wonderful that he embraces his faith so openly; and goes on service missions that exhibit/fulfill his devotion. But you know what? I don’t give a shit! I don’t care what this overrated athlete does in his spare time away from the limelight- which will stop shinning on him after next football season. I can’t wait until he plays in a low level arena league, and there’s no more sycophantic coverage of this dbag.

12. Chase Daniel-
Would have been a bubble selection or NIT until the Alamo Bowl, when ESPN felt the need to show close-ups of the 5’9” QB’s family for the final 20 minutes! Outside of the Daniel family, WHO CARES!!?

13. U of Michigan grads, fans-
There’s a reason Wolverine fans are despised by fans of EVERY other school in the Big Ten. Yes, your school has some great graduate programs, but you didn’t go to medical school there! Yes, when the auto industry was rich and powerful, so was this school, but today Detroit is ready to entirely collapse, UM is a safety school for our nation’s smartest kids and you probably live in a Ypsilanti double-wide. And yes, your football team has a lot of proud moments- they all occurred decades before you were born.

14. Tyler Hansbrough-
Not even the best player on his team, let along the conference or the nation. But don’t tell that to Dickie V. and the Eastern Seaboard Programming Network.

15. Illini fans who incessantly bitch about bad calls- They’ll probably blame Dr. Chester Frazier’s injury on the refs too

16. Drunken, baseball illiterate Cub fans edges out Indiana ‘s circus clown warm-up pants in the play-in game.

I don’t hate the Cubs or their fans. I’m also totally fine with the fact that the local media slurps Cubbie Blue and gives much less attention to the White Sox. What I cannot tolerate though, are the LP Trixies and Trixymales that drink themselves retarded (ok, they’re more than halfway there sober), think Mark Grace is still on the team, and puke on the sidewalks in my neighborhood.

Bubble Burst

-The chick in the Progressive Insurance advertisements

-Former Iowa coaches (Bruce Pearl, Steve Alford etc.)

-The sight of Charlie Weiss

The Political Steroid Era

By Paul M. Banks

If there’s anything children of this age have had plenty of experience with, it’s cheating. When today’s youth seek role models, the National Pastime is certainly one place not to look. And our leaders in government aren’t much better.

With the recent admission of steroid guilt by Major League baseball superstar Alex Rodriguez, we now have an unholy trinity of the game’s best overall position player joining the era’s best hitter (Barry Bonds) and best pitcher (Roger Clemens), all being disgraced.

In terms of governance, here’s the special group I had ruling over me in 2008. On the Federal level: George W. Bush, state: Rod Blagojevich, congressional district: Rahm Emanuel (the dirt and grime on his record will be unveiled someday when they dissect the amazing rate of return he acquired on his investments), and the Chicago politics of the Daley machine on the city level.

The “Steroid Era” really took off in 1998 with the summer of Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa, but 2001 was probably the most unbelievably awful year possible as Bush, our worst ever president, took office, and Bonds ushered in a new low with his 73* homeruns.

George W. Bush=Barry Bonds
Gotta start at the top with the biggest most powerful players in each game, both of these trust fund babies were born with a lot of the blue chips they held during the heights of their careers. And the chip each one has on his shoulder is partially because each spoiled little boy has defined his actions in adulthood by trying to escape his father’s achievements. The fact that neither one has any actual grasp on the difference between right and wrong causes a treacherous trickle down crisis of confidence.

Eliot Spitzer=Alex Rodriguez

Both high profile New York figures were once rising stars and potential redeemers of the crooked game. Before his involvement with a high-priced prostitution ring became public, Spitzer was talked about as a future Presidential candidate. Before his past steroid use became public knowledge, A Roid was prospectively the man who would make the career home run record untainted again.

Rod Blagojevich=Jason Giambi
A significant player in the fixed game, but history will likely remember each of them as the guy whose cheating was the most painfully obvious of all.

Roland Burris=Jeremy Giambi
Neither really had any authentic power, and both will be remembered more for whom they were close to than what they actually did, if they’re remembered at all.

Donald Rumsfeld=Sammy Sosa
We never heard of either of these guys until the absolute peak of egregiously immoral corruption began. Rumsfeld was the architect of a war that yielded nothing good for anyone except a handful of defense contractors. Sosa was the co-captain of 1998’s “Summer of Steroid Love.” Both are great for ridiculously bad sound bites.
Rumsfeld: “stuff happens,” “there are known unknowns and known unknowns, known knowns” “you go to war with the army you have, not the war you want”
Sosa: “baseball been berry berry good to me.” “I’m a gladiator, it’s hard to stop me.”

Dick Cheney=Rafael Palmeiro Everything Palmeiro did in life will now be a distant afterthought to his emphatic statement, “I have never used steroids- EVER!” a year or so before he tested positive. Cheney likewise had no problem lying straight to your face even though the truth is right in front of you- “we’ll be greeted as liberators,” “the revenue we generate from the oil will pay for the war.” But his most bizarre lie was in the 2004 Vice Presidential debate, when he told John Edwards, “I’ve never seen you before,” despite video existing of him speaking with Edwards on more than one occasion. Sure, I can’t remember everyone I’ve met in my life, but I would hope that if I were Vice President, I could recall meeting the guy who was trying to take my job!

Tom Delay=Mark McGwire We haven’t heard much from either of these guys lately, but let’s not forget how much juice they once had, how much faith the American people once had in both of them…and how greatly they violated that trust!

Patrick Fitzgerald=George Mitchell Somebody needs to prosecute the biggest cheaters of the day. And their massive task requires more help.

2004 Bush voters=Bud Selig
We need a proper nickname for the steroid era of politics, and we also need to remind the enablers that they have a few drops of blood on their hands for the past decade.

Mainstream media=ESPN Maybe this is redundant, but in both cases…so much for the idea of “the 4th Estate” providing a check on power. During the home run chases and the run-up to war, both acted as public relations flaks for the people that should have been under scrutiny.

Condoleeza Rice=Roger Clemens
Neither of these individuals should take up high stakes poker because each one has an obvious and anxious tell that has been on display before Congress. Whenever Rice lied to congressional committees, you saw her face glaze over into a frozen and emotionless state. When Clemens was on Capitol Hill, you saw him nervously lick his lips every time he strayed from the truth.

Pre-invasion Anti-war left=Jose Canseco
It’s hard to find a governmental whistleblower to match Canseco, because so far our politicians haven’t been justly disgraced and punished for their crime. Those “nuts” and “hippies” on the left who shut down roadways all across the country as they protested the start of the Iraq war actually had it right all along. If only we had listened to the fringe. Remember the attacks on Canseco’s credibility? The “opportunistic book seller” had the goods on everyone back in ’05.