Ever since the Casey Anthony trial has concluded, I have been trying to get my legal fix elsewhere. Obviously, I am following the NFL negotiations, and the Roger Clemens debacle resulted in a mistrial. Since I have read all of the John Grisham thrillers, I am of sound legal mind and I am an expert on all things regarding the law. Therefore, I will provide some possible candidates on negotiators for the upcoming NBA discussions.
With these people, the league could expedite the process and avoid last minute posturing around Halloween.
John Calipari: This gentleman is perfect for the ownership pulpit. He has dodged allegations everywhere he has gone and moved up in the process. He is the CEO of what is the most powerful basketball program in the country. I would consider him an obvious candidate for the Timberwolves coaching vacancy, but why should he take a demotion? Calipari could sell sand in the desert and a Camry to a Ford dealer.
The Dalai Lama: Immense patience will be needed for the players’ side. Even if the owners open up their books, it will take incredible time and tenacity to pore over the details and sift out reality from the picture that they would like to paint. With the Dalai Lama’s continued valiance in his relations with the Chinese oppressors, the likes of Dr. Jerry Buss would be nothing to him. If the man formerly known as Ron Artest is involved at all in the process, the spiritual leader could also convince him that pummeling those positioned at the table would not be conducive to progress.
Charlie Sheen: Since he is the expert in “winning”, who would be better for either side to have in its corner? Maybe he could even bring the discussions on the road-creating a sideshow and keeping the league in the hearts and minds of those around the country. His Hollywood colleague, Mel Gibson, offered his infinite wisdom when Sheen was kicked off of the set and spiraling downward. He should join the discussions as well because he could shed light on how absurd the entire situation is. He also could be utilized to make threatening phone calls to the other side in a Tony Soprano fashion.
Lady Gaga: This lady is the foremost authority on making a splash with her wardrobe choices. Her meat dress is an affront to vegetarians and members of P.E.T.A. all over the world, but these antics do get her more followers on Twitter and sell more singles on ITunes. Since she is on the edge of glory, she could prove it by lending her expertise to uniform amendments. Soccer is the most popular sport in the world. Teams from Manchester United to the LA Galaxy utilize their jerseys for sponsorships. This should be implemented in the NBA. It’s an easy way to earn cash flow that requires no extra work. People would not only see the jerseys on the players at the games and on tv, but fans would still buy them.