From colorful to corporate: the Rob Gronkowski story


rob-gronkowski

Remember when Patriots Tight End Rob Gronkowksi first entered the league and he used to do things like Tweet a shirtless photo of himself stroking an oversized phallic symbol at Kate Upton?

And posted more shirtless photos of himself with a porn star wearing his jersey?

Yeah, Rob Gronkowski doesn’t do things like that anymore. He hasn’t done things like that for years. It’s what happens when the NFL “No Fun League” gets their handlers to reshape you.

Today, the Rob Gronkowski session at Super Bowl Media Day was the most boring thing imaginable.

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Brady, Belichick “Legacy” = this Super Bowl’s worst cliche


bill belichick

Tom Brady and Bill Belichick will team up to fill the void left by Peyton Manning last season. While last year we heard “Peyton Manning legacy,” “What will Peyton Manning’s legacy be?”

“How will this game affect Peyton Manning’s legacy?” ad nauseam at this a time year ago…take it away NBC’s Cris Collinsworth.

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Super Bowl could be Darrelle Revis’ last game with Patriots


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Super Bowl XLIX could be the last time that Darrelle Revis suits up for the New England Patriots. Indeed it’s for real- Revis Island could be relocating away from Cape Cold and Martha’s Vineyard. (and Nantucket, can’t leave them out).

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Five REALLY POINTLESS Super Bowl 49 Story Pitches


super-bowl-49

We still have a week until Super Bowl 49, and already the idea of “our product relates to the Super Bowl because of reason XYZ” (no, it doesn’t, sorry) has been beaten to death. TO DEATH!

The “harrowing bye week that no one enjoys” is now over. And indeed my inbox has made it feel like “the road to the Super Bowl is long and pointless.”

If you had trash like this e-mailed to you in bulk everyday for two weeks straight you might begin to feel the same.

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Why the New England Patriots are HATED (non obvious reasons)


belichick

To say people hate the New England Patriots because they cheat and all they receive as punishment for cheating is a slap-on-the-wrist…is an obvious answer. It’s not wrong, but it’s Captain Obvious.

To say that Bill Belichick and Tom Brady didn’t know about “Ballghazi” (I actually abhor that word. It’s just that I abhor “deflategate” or any shopworn cliche with the suffix “-gate” even worse than the word “ballghazi.”) is to insult our intelligence.

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Julian Edelman, NBC, more HORRIBLE Super Bowl story pitches


 

super-bowl-xlix julian-edelman

 

Not everything relates to the Super Bowl.  The entire publicity industry needs to realize this right truth; and right now. Of course they won’t.

Shame on you Julian Edelman, for lending your name to a product that hired such a bad publicity team.

Shame on you NBC, for taking the idea of “shameless self-promotion” and turning it into “we take pride in self-promotion” and “we take pride in taking pride in self-promotion.”

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Troy Aikman says Tom Brady was complicit in “Ballghazi”


troy aikman

For the record, Troy Aikman did not use the phrase “ballghazi,” and I actually abhor that word. It’s just that I abhor “deflategate” or anything with the suffix “-gate” attached even worse than the word “ballghazi.”

FOX Analyst Troy Aikman doubts any changes could have been made to the intentionally deflated balls without the approval of Patriots quarterback Tom Brady:

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Al Michaels on inevitable Super Bowl XLIV ZANIESS!


al-michaels

Al Michaels will call yet another NFL Championship as NBC has the rights to Super Bowl XLIX. First however,  “both teams must endure a harrowing bye week; that no one enjoys!” quoting a mid 1990s episode of The Simpsons.

The previous line in that show was “the road to the Super Bowl is long…and pointless….well, if you think about it.”

For the next two weeks it will feel like that as every possible relevant angle to the game will be dissected, vivisected, analyzed, over-analyzed and meta-analyzed.

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Josh McDaniels will stay with Patriots; reject 49ers, Falcons


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New England Patriots offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels is once again a hot commodity this coaching carousel. Yes, even despite the fact that he crashed and burned as Head Coach of the Denver Broncos. In 2015, he is the re-treadiest of all the NFL re-treads. Perhaps he’s learned a few new coaching life lessons, the hard way, during his Broncos regime?

McDaniels been linked to the open San Francisco 49ers and Atlanta Falcons gigs.

Still, I’m not buying it. Vic Fangio is the leading candidate with the Niners.  Here are a few more in the running. 

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Randy Moss ESPN 30 for 30 is one that you must watch


randy moss

In the words of Andre 3000 from Outkast: “glitter, glisten, floss, floss I catch a beat running like like Randy Moss.”

On the evening of Veterans Day, ESPN will premiere “Rand University,” directed by Marquis Daisy and narrated by Michael Kenneth Williams (The Wire). It explores the development of Randy Moss from literally out of nowhere.

Rand, West Virginia is about as nowhere as it gets and when you watch the first half of this ESPN 30 for 30, you’ll absorb that message.

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Tom Brady leads New England’s resurgence


Gisele Bundchen tom brady

The New England Patriots are a shining example of a team that suffered a “good” loss. New England’s historically embarrassing loss to Kansas City in week four has proven to be the wake-up slap the Patriots needed to turn their season around from a disappointing 2-2 start. Since that loss, New England has gone 5-0, winning all but one of those games by double-digits. [Read more…]

Tom Brady is bad now because his OL is terrible


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If you want to know why Tom Brady is bad now it’s not because he’s aged/declined rapidly. Yes, he is on the wrong side of 36. Yes, the window for Brady and Bill Belichick is closing, but let’s not make a full catastrophe out of it. I know, he just had his worst all around game in about 8 years, and by some measures his worst game ever.

Facing your new AFC Championship favorite Cincinnati Bengals next week isn’t just what the doctor ordered either. However, what’s wrong with Tom Brady is quite simple: lack of protection.

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