By H. Jose Bosch
The Sports Bank’s very own H. Jose Bosch has been given a once-in-a-lifetime exclusive interview with Rich Rodriguez’s pride. Long believed to have disappeared, Jose has managed to find it and get the interview everyone’s been wanting.
The transcription after the jump.
H. Jose Bosch: Well, Mr. Pride, I appreciate you speaking with me today but before we begin, why do I have to wear a blind fold?
Rich Rodriguez’s Pride: Because I’m in exile. I’ve been hurt too many times this year and I don’t want people to find me.
HJB: But you’re not even real. You’re a somewhat hastily made-up metaphor meant to represent an abstract concept.
RRP: Hey! You’re the one who set up the interview! I could leave if you’d like.
HJB: No, no, no, no. I’m so sorry. OK, let’s begin. A lot of people thought you wouldn’t be around for this season but for the year’s first four games you were clearly on the sidelines in Ann Arbor. What changed?
RRP: Well, when the team is winning, Rich is a lot more fun to be around. When I saw how well they played I figured I’d come back to hang out. The Notre Dame game is what sold me. I’d tell you how much fun Rich and I had afterwards but this is a family-friendly Web site.
HJB: Wow, sounds risqué. But it wasn’t all good in paradise, was it?
RRP: Well, no. The Indiana game was the first sign of trouble. Rich was happy about the win but still pretty grumpy that the Wolverines needed a fourth quarter comeback to win. He also wasn’t too thrilled with me complaining about knee pains after the game. That’s when I started to feel them. But it wasn’t until the Michigan State game when I finally hurt it
HJB: So after the game you, Rich Rodriguez’s pride, were hurt?
HJB: So when did you decide to leave?
RRP: It was the second half of the Illinois game. It got so bad that I didn’t even stay for the end of the game. I left. I thought about leaving a “Dear John” type of letter but I figured it would be better to just get the hell out of there before Rich got bad. We’d grown pretty distant anyway.
HJB: Did you hear about hope leaving Michigan fans not too long ago?
RRP: Yeah, I read about it. But let’s be honest, come spring time hope will be back again and by next fall hope will be in Ann Arbor for the opening game.
HJB: You really think hope is coming back?
RRP: It always does.
HJB: What about you, will you be back?
RRP: I know people are skeptical about my return but let me assure you that I will not go away easily. It’s my nature to hang around. I may not be in Ann Arbor for the first game but expect me to be on the sidelines when the Big Ten season starts.
RRP: That Forcier kid is the real deal. Trust me. He’s a little raw but with a year of experience under his belt he’ll only get better. And Rich will have yet another recruiting class full of his guys to fill the roster. I think a big key will be not to fire the defensive coordinator. Yeah, the secondary blows and so does everyone else but Brandon Graham.
But I think it’s more about the personnel and not the coach. Another change would be devastating for the program. So, I hope they don’t fire Robinson . I was friends with his pride, you know.
HJB: Really? Where is he?
RRP: Oh, I haven’t seen hi since Robinson was fired from Syracuse before the season ended. Poor guy. I don’t even think he’s been to Ann Arbor.
HJB: That’s sounds rough. Well, is there anything else you’d like to say?
RRP: Yeah. Give Rich time. He’s going to turn things around. I guarantee it. Next year we’ll be in a bowl game and in two years watch out BCS. And Tressel better enjoy this year’s game because it’ll be the last one he wins.
HJB: Wait. You’re his pride though, aren’t you supposed to say that?
RRP: Alright, this interview is over!