by Peter Christian
Yes, you read that headline correctly, the Call Outs are back! The triumphant return of my column could not have come at a better time. While the Call Outs were on vacation there were more than a few major injustices that will, luckily for them, go unmentioned. But the silence can go on no longer. The latest event of sports idiocy was even something we all saw coming, yet when it actually happened, we were even more as shocked and appalled than we anticipated we would be. Still there were 7 idiots who voted for someone OTHER than LeBron James as the 2009-10 NBA MVP. That leads off our list after the jump.
NBA MVP VOTERS
First, let me say to the 116 voters who have reasonable intelligence, good job. It wasn’t difficult to pick an MVP this season and you succeeded in selecting the easiest choice since Michael Jordan in 1988. However, to those 7 ass hats who, with their votes, proved they have about as much basketball knowledge as Mrs. Garrett from “The Facts of Life” by voting for someone other than LeBron James.
It doesn’t stop there. While I can at least listen to the 4 voters who gave Kevin Durant their first place votes (and then shoot down easily), the 3 voters who voted for Dwight Howard deserve to be stripped of their voting privileges forever while also issuing individual apologies to all logic bound NBA fans on the planet. Dwight Howard? Really? He averaged 18 and 13 per game. He’s the best pure center in the game but that’s not an MVP season. Not even close. If you or anyone were wondering what an MVP season by a center looks like I will point you in the direction of Shaq’s 1999-00 campaign in which he averaged 29.7 ppg, 13.6 rpg and 3 bpg. THAT is an MVP season (Shaq finished 2nd in the DPOY voting that year too, suck on that Howard backers). 18 and 13 is something you expect out of a center that is above average, not the best player in the league. Joakim Noah could put up 18 and 13 if he played Howard’s minutes and got Howard’s touches. Also, don’t go and put out the argument of how good his defense is. It’s asinine. If defense was a reason to vote for the MVP, Ben Wallace, Dikembe Mutombo and Bruce Bowen would have gotten plenty of first place MVP votes over the years. Those 3 defensive juggernauts combined for exactly one first place vote in their careers (Ben Wallace in 2002-03, when he was 10 times more valuable defensively than Howard). The point is this: you don’t give a first place vote for a guy who didn’t even reach his own potential. You give it to the guy that dominated everyone he played and led his team to the best record in the league with the most well rounded game. Period. End of story. If you vote for Dwight Howard this season as an MVP over LeBron, turn in your vote card blank and spend the offseason learning how to kick yourself in the face.
Philadelphia Police
Running onto the field of a Major League field is dumb. No doubt about it. However, it’s not really that big of a deal. The TV stations won’t broadcast the transgression, the person is caught in less than a minute, chastised and forgotten about before the game ends, usually. That is until a certain policeman at Citizen’s Bank Park in Philadelphia made the decision that running onto the field warranted the use of a Taser. Yes, a Taser. He decided it was necessary to shoot thousands of volts of electricity through the rule breaker’s body to bring his joyous jaunt through the outfield to a close.
Look, I’m no opponent to the use of Tasers in situations that a person needs to be subdued for the safety of a police officer or innocent people standing by, but using one to take down someone because the officer is lazy and out of shape? Come on. Then having the Philly police commissioner releasing a statement condoning the use of a Taser in that situation? Double come on. Maybe give the job of field security to an officer that’s a bit more fit and we aren’t having this conversation. There has to be a better solution to that situation. If the kid was running around throwing punches at his pursuers, sure, Tase the Hell out of him. However, if he’s just fast, elusive and has a lot more gas in his tank than the middle aged, out of shape guys trying to take him down, keep that Taser in it’s holster and use your brain to bring him down. It’s 10 vs. 1, do you really need to step it up and make it 10 plus a Taser vs. 1? Didn’t think so.
Wow, that was a ton of fun. I’m glad to be back and look forward to spewing some tirades at some idiots next week! Keep your eyes peeled for a new column I plan to unveil later this week and if you’re looking for something that I enjoyed, go pay $6.99 and download the Neon Trees album “Habits”. Seriously, do it.
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Hi Pete,
As usual, well done and well thought out. I agree totally on the Howard thing. Howard is good and by everything I have read about him, a great teammate. But he is no league MVP. The OKC bombing take is right on as well. However, I don’t think you can bang on the guy for pimping up the owner. Your take on the owner is right, but in this case Black is simply being a homer. Do you think the people in Baltimore gave a crap about Cleveland when Modell moved the Browns? As far as the tasering thing, it sucks for that one guy to be the example. However, perhaps this will make people think twice about running on to the field. My HS classmate was the guy who ran onto the Miller Park field and got his ass whipped by half of the Houston Astros. Not only did he get his head kicked in, it cost him also $10K. Although it seems like it’s all fun and games, the justice system doesn’t take too kindly to it.
-CL
I know I speak for everyone else here when I saw “man I really missed the callouts.”
Good to have them back
I’m completely ok with the Tasering. People are stupid and they most likely think about the 15 minutes of fame over the 10K fine, but when you throw the potential of a tasering in there, even the dumbest of drunks would probably say no. There’s no way to completely prevent people from running on the field (a dude went streaking during Ron Dayne’s record-breaking game and got pummeled because of it), but the best stadium security can do is make the consequences worse than the action. I bet they don’t have to use a taser again…this year at least.
YAY! Call Outs are back. The world is rejoicing. Sun on LOST has fulfilled Pete’s prophecy and all is right with the planet. Except for what Pete calls out week after week.
I actually think since the majority got it right and sometimes people vote for someone different just “to be different” for difference-sake, I think the NBA MVP situation isn’t something that is keeping me up overnight, but if it has been a travesty to you Pete, than by all means call it out.
The Taser in Philly though was great and definitely deserves to be mentioned. And then Jake’s point about Tasers being the modern day replacement for complete Police brutality beatdowns fits well into that fold. Since police can’t totally lay into people until they are bloody and bruised anymore, the TASER is the way to go. If you’re an idiot, fear the taser. But our cops won’t beat you up like they used to in 1982 for jumping on the field.
Well done Pete!