The Call Outs

by Peter Christian

Yes, you read that headline correctly, the Call Outs are back! The triumphant return of my column could not have come at a better time. While the Call Outs were on vacation there were more than a few major injustices that will, luckily for them, go unmentioned. But the silence can go on no longer. The latest event of sports idiocy was even something we all saw coming, yet when it actually happened, we were even more as shocked and appalled than we anticipated we would be. Still there were 7 idiots who voted for someone OTHER than LeBron James as the 2009-10 NBA MVP. That leads off our list after the jump.

NBA MVP VOTERS

First, let me say to the 116 voters who have reasonable intelligence, good job. It wasn’t difficult to pick an MVP this season and you succeeded in selecting the easiest choice since Michael Jordan in 1988. However, to those 7 ass hats who, with their votes, proved they have about as much basketball knowledge as Mrs.  Garrett from “The Facts of Life” by voting for someone other than LeBron James.

It doesn’t stop there. While I can at least listen to the 4 voters who gave Kevin Durant their first place votes (and then shoot down easily), the 3 voters who voted for Dwight Howard deserve to be stripped of their voting privileges forever while also issuing individual apologies to all logic bound NBA fans on the planet. Dwight Howard? Really? He averaged 18 and 13 per game. He’s the best pure center in the game but that’s not an MVP season. Not even close. If you or anyone were wondering what an MVP season by a center looks like I will point you in the direction of Shaq’s 1999-00 campaign in which he averaged 29.7 ppg, 13.6 rpg and 3 bpg. THAT is an MVP season (Shaq finished 2nd in the DPOY voting that year too, suck on that Howard backers). 18 and 13 is something you expect out of a center that is above average, not the best player in the league. Joakim Noah could put up 18 and 13 if he played Howard’s minutes and got Howard’s touches. Also, don’t go and put out the argument of how good his defense is. It’s asinine. If defense was a reason to vote for the MVP, Ben Wallace, Dikembe Mutombo and Bruce Bowen would have gotten plenty of first place MVP votes over the years. Those 3 defensive juggernauts combined for exactly one first place vote in their careers (Ben Wallace in 2002-03, when he was 10 times more valuable defensively than Howard). The point is this: you don’t give a first place vote for a guy who didn’t even reach his own potential. You give it to the guy that dominated everyone he played and led his team to the best record in the league with the most well rounded game. Period. End of story. If you vote for Dwight Howard this season as an MVP over LeBron, turn in your vote card blank and spend the offseason learning how to kick yourself in the face.

Philadelphia Police

Running onto the field of a Major League field is dumb. No doubt about it. However, it’s not really that big of a deal. The TV stations won’t broadcast the transgression, the person is caught in less than a minute, chastised and forgotten about before the game ends, usually. That is until a certain policeman at Citizen’s Bank Park in Philadelphia made the decision that running onto the field warranted the use of a Taser. Yes, a Taser. He decided it was necessary to shoot thousands of volts of electricity through the rule breaker’s body to bring his joyous jaunt through the outfield to a close.

Look, I’m no opponent to the use of Tasers in situations that a person needs to be subdued for the safety of a police officer or innocent people standing by, but using one to take down someone because the officer is lazy and out of shape? Come on. Then having the Philly police commissioner releasing a statement condoning the use of a Taser in that situation? Double come on. Maybe give the job of field security to an officer that’s a bit more fit and we aren’t having this conversation. There has to be a better solution to that situation. If the kid was running around throwing punches at his pursuers, sure, Tase the Hell out of him. However, if he’s just fast, elusive and has a lot more gas in his tank than the middle aged, out of shape guys trying to take him down, keep that Taser in it’s holster and use your brain to bring him down. It’s 10 vs. 1, do you really need to step it up and make it 10 plus a Taser vs. 1? Didn’t think so.

Wow, that was a ton of fun. I’m glad to be back and look forward to spewing some tirades at some idiots next week! Keep your eyes peeled for a new column I plan to unveil later this week and if you’re looking for something that I enjoyed, go pay $6.99 and download the Neon Trees album “Habits”. Seriously, do it.