Casting the New York Jets in MTV’s Jersey Shore

michelle ryan rex ryanjersey shore

The 2010 New York Jets (who play their home games in New Jersey) literally began their NFL season on a reality show; with all their internal drama readily available for viewing pleasure. On HBO’s Training Camp: Hard Knocks, plenty of semi-scripted, Hawthorne Effect induced storylines ensued. As the season went on, more debauchery went down.

Today’s reality television landscape (if there is such a thing as “reality” tv anymore) is dominated by a show “documenting” the trashy lifestyle of 8 guidos and guidettes spending an alcohol fueled summer together in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. And there’s more than a few similarities between the Garden State’s two most popular and trashiest, out-of-control frat houses.

Let’s examine them. “CAN’T WAIT” as Jets LB Bart Scott would say.

Note this is being re-run from last winter. We’ll have to re-cast and find a new spot for Plaxico; and get rid of Braylon

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The Anti-Bracket: Kardashian Regional

kardashians

The Sports Bank’s third annual Anti-Bracket (formerly known as the Douchebracket) celebrates all that is wrong in the world, most prominently in the sports world.  Four regionals will chosen by an esteemed panel of TSB contributors.  With your input, the field will be narrowed down to a Final Four where our readers will choose the winner of the 2011 Anti-Bracket.

Past winners of the this Regional include Notre Dame football fans with absolutely zero connection to the school and the Chicago Bears Media Relations Department .  BOTH WENT ON TO BECOME CHAMPIONS OF THE OVERALL BRACKET!

Help me figure who will earn that honored distinction this season by leaving a comment below as to who you think needs to advance to the Final Four. And a 3-peat??!!!

By Paul M. Banks

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Northwestern Closes Out Illini, Illinois Road Woes Continue

In the second battle between Chicago’s two Big Ten college basketball teams, the outcome was drastically different from the first. Just how much of a disparity?

It would be like comparing the body composition of Illini Center Mike Tisdale (7-1, very svelte) to that of Jersey Shore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi (4-8, very squished).

In their first meeting in Champaign, Illinois crushed the Northwestern Wildcats 88-63, in a game that was even more lopsided than that final score reads.

But here at Welsh-Ryan Arena, the ‘Cats knocked off the Illini 71-70. Northwestern Head Coach Bill Carmody was asked if the home/road difference is truly worth 26 points?

“It was to them,” he answered.

By Paul M. Banks

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Vancouver Olympics: Week 1 Rewind

By: Melissa S. Wollering

As the Midwest’s premiere sports website, we are breaking down everything Olympics—from uber good to muy mal.  Welcome to the Week 1 Rewind, Week 2 Fast Forward from Vancouver!

No Medal Here: Bob Costas Makes Reference to Alex Bilodeau Getting Laid

He didn’t say those words.  Nope, he didn’t need to.  Really…really? Canadian skier wins first Gold in the games for Maple Leaf Land; Bob Costas cracks sexual joke. Dirty old man…

I would also rather watch the Flying Tomato hold his own microphone and put an IFB in his ear than have Cris Collinsworth reporting from Vancouver. He’s terrible.  TERRIBLE. Someone send me for crying out loud. Send Snooki to interview the athletes…something, anything!

No Medal Here: Richmond Olympic Oval’s Zamboni

All you have to do is smooth ice. You’re a machine that smooths ice and you’re smoothing OLYMPIC ice.  Our country’s dudes and chicks with huge thighs have been waiting four years to come and skate on your bumpy oval and the machine assigned to the task isn’t up for it.

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Can we get some real Nicknames these days Please?

By Paul M. Banks

From now on we can refer to Demetri McCamey as “Baby Ben”, as in “Baby Ben Gordon.” Or we can simply call him “Cames.” Just don’t for the LOVE OF GOD call him “D. Mac”. There are already plenty of subpar “nicknames” falling into this category, lame abbreviations such as: D. Wade (Dwanye Wade), D. Rose (Derrick Rose), JaBo (Jason Bohannon), A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez), I-Rod (Ivan Rodriguez) and D. Will (Deron Williams). These aren’t nicknames, just good references for brevity’s sake; a way to refer to players in text-message friendly form.

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