UConn Huskies Beat Butler Bulldogs in UGLIEST NCAA Title Game EVER


In Oliver Stone’s classic film Wall Street, the iconic main character Gordon Gekko describes terrible, worthless stocks as “dogs” and “dogs with fleas.” In another line of dialogue, he asks his mentee Bud Fox. “I bet you were up all night analyzing that dogshit stock?”

I guess Mr. Gekko didn’t like canines too much.

His metaphors certainly apply to a college basketball game that the NCAA would probably want us all to erase from our memory. If you were tweeting along with the Butler Bulldogs vs. UConn Huskies national title game tonight, you probably noticed a lot of people saying some nasty things about the 53-41 UConn win. Harsher words than “dogshit” even.

By Paul M. Banks

kemba walker final four

But hey you still had a good time, right? It’s for games such as these that we create our annual National championship drinking game.

We asked ten thoughtful questions before the game tonight, but none of them were “will we see long stretches where neither neither team can make a basket to save their lives?”

There was no way to sugarcoat it, it was the worst performance in the NCAA title game,” CBS announcer Greg Anthony said immediately in the postgame show. Jim Nantz and Clark Kellogg said during the game that watching the title game was in fact like “watching paint dry.” When even the announcers broadcasting the game are denouncing it’s drudgery, you KNOW it’s real bad. This truly wasn’t much better than the Penn State Nittany Lions 36, Wisconsin Badgers 33 in the Big Ten Tournament semifinal.

This game had more missed shots than an alcoholic in deep AA introspection. All the “stars” refused to shine ona night when the lights were brightest. UConn’s Kemba Walker was just 5-21 from the field but “led” the team with 16 points and was one rebound short of a double double. Butler’s Matt Howard was a “hey-is-that-a-typo?” 1-14 from the floor. And Shelvin Mack shot an atrocious 4-16. So honestly, no one except Alex Oriakhi (5-6, 11 points, 10 rebounds) brought their A-game tonight.

The winning team shot a disusting 30% for the game, and just-so-awful-it’s-not-even-worth-ripping-on .071% (1-14) from behind the arc.

So Butler had to have been worse right? Yes, they went 12-67 (.179%) from the field. I think we’re at a point now where citing more statistics from this abomination may make you want to throw up. UConn’s 53 were the fewest points scored by a title game winner since 1949.

On that note….let’s put this one to bed and we’ll see for midnight madness in mid-October. 462 words on the ugliest game since Dr. Naismith’s peach basket is plenty.

Paul M. Banks is CEO of The Sports Bank.net , a Midwest webzine. He’s also a regular contributor to Chicago Now, Walter Football.com, Yardbarker, and Fox Sports

He does a regular guest spot each week for Chicagoland Sports Radio.com You can follow him on Twitter @thesportsbank


  1. It may have been the worst title game, but it was a great tournament. UConn sure knows how to win ugly. Butler had a good run; they just ran into a long-overdue poor shooting night and a tough Big East defense. UConn closed out on the Butler shooters very well all night long.


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