Indianapolis 500: the Infield Party Experience

By Paul M. Banks

The Indianapolis 500 is the world’s highest attended single day event. Its total capacity is approximately 400,000 with about 125,000 located in the cheapest and most “festive” seats of the infield. All newbies marvel at the sheer size of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway upon entering the first time. The modern day answer to Circus Maximus is large enough to hypothetically house the Vatican, Churchill Downs, Yankee Stadium and the Rose Bowl all at the same time!

A Parade Lap of Unforgettable People

While patrolling an infield like Ryne Sandberg, numerous people left an impression on me. A military bomb at 6am symbolizes the opening of the gates. It’s also the same time one must leave to overcome traffic and get a good infield spot for the 1pm starting time. Why they open all six lanes on the way out, but only use three lanes on the way in is beyond reason. Also beyond reason is the purchase of 16 cases of Keystone Light which I see transported in wagons by college kids. Later, I see crushed beer cans serving as clamps affixing a chart of the racers to the inner fence. I’ve also seen Busch Light and Old Milwaukee cans placed on the ground in a pattern to spell the words “tits” and “boobs.” Other people watching highlights include an individual who “manscaped” the number “500″ into his chest hair, numerous mullets, rat-tails, Zubaz outfits and checkered pants.

Because of the old Atari game, I know what “Pole Position” actually is, but when asked, I remark: “what my friend Season is assigned at work on Saturday nights.” The amount of boisterous laughter this joke receives tells me that these people must have been drinking heavily since 5 A.M; because it’s not that great of a joke. (

This leads to my favorite racing fan story. I hear about past racing fans who constructed a stripper pole in their tailgating area. Not a temporary makeshift pole mind you, but a cemented into-the-ground-with-Sakrete stripper pole, right in front of someone’s trailer. (a triple wide to be exact) Obviously, these men spent WAY too much time at some place called the “Classy Chassis.”

Fuelishness

Although the event’s overall carbon footprint is frightening, there are numerous environmentally friendly messages at the race. The starting flag isn’t the only thing that’s green. The 91st running of the Indianapolis 500 utilized, for the first time ever, 100% fuel grade ethanol. I was sort of pulling for Jeff Simmons to win because his car’s main advertiser is ethanol and that would help spread the message-Except we found out that manufacturing ethanol from corn destroys other green spaces, and ACTUALLY creates a more DAMAGING carbon footprint on the environment. WHOOPS!

In the plaza, more brand awareness is created with a trailer marked www.drivingethanol.org “On the Road to Energy Independence.” It sounded like a practical, efficient and patriotic idea to me. (Not the road to nowhere that it actually was) If America is to free itself from petrolist foreign states, this is the right place to pitch the message: an event preceded by four nationalistic songs and an F-33 Raptor fly-over, taking place on a war memorial holiday weekend.

Lots of American flag do-rags on display further exemplify how the crowd is filled with patriots. (just not New England Patriots, as the massive legions in Colts gear find anything associated with Tom Brady as anathema) The Colts are of of course the local sect of the major religion practiced within the Circle City. But today these grounds are the “Chapel of Speed,” as Keith Jackson would say

My first nap in a public place since I was 5 ends with the loud sound of jet engines. Trucks circle the track trailed by jet turbines with wind power drying the asphalt. My favorite racer, Danica Patrick, has pulled from 4th into second and it looks like we could have our first woman champion. I have to admit that I know very little about the IRL, so I root for Danica because she is just so amazingly physically attractive. (and also from my home state, sort of) Basically, this makes me a male, racing fan version of those baseball-ignorant, Lincoln Park Trixie Cub fans who would attended Cub games to root for Mark Grace or Kyle Farnsworth in tight pants.

Just like Boston College is located in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts and Miami University in Coral Gables, FL, the Indianapolis 500 takes place in the town of Speedway, IN. Indiana is a unique state regionally classified as “Midwest,” but largely Southern in culture. They fought for the Union in the Civil War, but seem more in touch with the portion of the country below the Mason-Dixon line today. Indiana’s state quarters feature Indy race cars and the state nickname “the Crossroads of America.” This accurately reflects the importance of automobiles in the state; and the country as a whole.

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