Not Many Midwest Cities on Drunkest List, STL 6th, Madison 15th


st. louis- nellyville

You know how I’m always complaining that St. Louis is the most boring, awful place on the planet? And my two best Cardinal fan friends agree, by telling me how dull it is? Well apparently it is also a drunken, dystopian wasteland- according to the Men’s Health magazine drunkest cities list.

“Nellyville” came in sixth in the United States, and Madison, Wisconsin, home of the state University and the Badgers checked in at #15. The Midwest is surprisingly under-represented, as Toledo comes in at #22, and that’s it for the top 25.

Fresno (Go Bulldogs! Aren’t you proud?) is #1, and the list seems to be dominated by third-tier and geographically remote cities in California, Texas and Florida. The Deep South is well-represented too- no shock there as this pretty much teach courses in alcoholism at Universities in Dixieland.

The list factors in: amount of liver disease, binge drinking, deaths in DUI-related crashes, DUI arrests and the stringency of DUI laws.

That said, I’m really surprised to see 1.) No East Lansing, Michigan on this list as Michigan State is the Arizona State University of the snow belt and 2.) My hometown of Chicago is only 85th.
That’s shocking considering how many people I know here who define their lot in leisure life by how wasted they got last night, or the night before, or last weekend, etc. (or at least through their 20s and early 30s they do). I thought it was indicative of the Second City’s culture.
Turns out I’m just “surrounded by friggin idiots” (as Dr. Evil would say); and empty, unoriginal people. My social problem is micro, not macro level.

See the whole list here


  1. I knew a CA city like LA, San Fran, or Fresno.

  2. …WAS # 1!

  3. Fresno is #1 because the police in Fresno hold 2 to 3 DUI checkpoint weekly. Sometimes, they stake out bars and night club, and nab you if you drink and drive. As stated above, they use DUI arrest to factor in to this study as well. Im just proud to say I live in Fresno, where if you drink and drive, you do the time.

  4. thank you for the classification! That’s really good to hear and my hats off to your city. this list is very confusing to me, and I’m not sure what it really means.

    Vegas was #11 and New Orleans was somewhere in the top 20. since both of those cities basically base their economies on people coming in for the expressed purpose of getting fucked up- why aren’t they in the top 5

  5. 1 things for sure- STL is a miserable river slum, and the people their always seem to have vitriol for me when they find out I’m from Chicago. Let them get drunk and try to contemplate why they have such a chip on their shoulder towards Chicagoans?

    the reversing the river to send our waste down to you guys happened like 90 years ago- get over it! you gave us Jim Edmonds and Mike Martz. the deal is even

  6. There’s another Brian on here? Interesting.

  7. The Brian that is usually on here ( me ) made the 1st, 2nd, and 6th comments, other new Brian made 3rd comment.

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