By Paul Schmidt

I’m sitting here typing this up, trying to keep my son from bawling and watching two guys let Ethan Kanaan die of a heart attack on 24, and I’m wishing that both of them could be in the bracket.  I’ve tried starting writing this 20 times, but the boy keeps shrieking, and I’m enthralled that two people would try to kill one of my favorite 24 characters of all time but leave Renee freaking Walker alive.  I’m almost glad 24 is ending because this is the constant headache I get every week when watching.

Now there’s a preview for a new Tom Cruise movie co-starring Cameron Diaz, and all I can think is that I’d kind of like to see it…and now I think that **I** need to be in the Douchebracket too…I should just write this thing. [Read more…]

By Paul Schmidt

I wasn’t sure if Melissa’s region was the Midwest region or the Milwaukee region, and then I decided that it didn’t matter. The Durty South is the appropriate counter to two of the whitest things in this country — Milwaukee and the Midwest.

There’s plenty of durrrrrty in this bracket as well…felons, prurient television and corrupt politicians. That’s perhaps the nicest thing I can say about all of these things:  They certainly bring the douchey thunder. [Read more…]