Dept. of Suck:Lions “Improved” Season no Cause For Hope

On November 4, 2007 the Lions were 6-2. Up to that point in history 76 percent of NFL teams that began the year 6-2 made the post season.

“This is real,” said defensive tackle Cory Redding at the time. “This is a different team. It’s not the same-old Lions anymore.”

Then Detroit proceeded to go 3-37 from November 5, 2007 to January 5, 2010.

And the natural order of the world had been restored.

Seriously, how does someone even begin to wrap his or her mind around 3-37? Where do you even begin to explain it?

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Time to draft another football team


By H. Jose Bosch

For as long as I can remember December brings about more than snow and long, cold nights. It also brings an exciting free agency period. No, I’m not talking about MLB’s winter meetings.

I’m talking about Lions fan free agency.

Let’s face it: being a Lions fan sucks. I’ve met fans of the Browns, Bungles and Raiders who feel sorry for me. And it’s not like any of those organizations have been glowing examples of competence in the last decade. (Well, at least Cincinnati has been OK recently)

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The Detroit Lions: Where Depression Happens


By H. Jose Bosch

Now that the NFL Network has started to show Thursday Night games, the NFL has made an effort to make clever commercials to create buzz for each week’s game.

This is no surprise as both NBC and ESPN do the same thing for their night games on Sunday and Monday nights.

But why stop there? Sure, many of these games are key match ups but as the season progresses and some teams are long out of the playoff race, why not come up with clever promos for the bad teams? Even they need to fill the seats and want higher ratings, right?

So just a week past the season mid-point, I’ve taken it upon myself to write up some promos for the Lions’ remaining games. After all, the fans need just about any reason to actually watch a Lions game.

Cleveland at Detroit: “It’s your only chance to watch a team with a worse quarterback situation than ours!”

Green Bay at Detroit (Thanksgiving): “We give you a reason not to talk with your in-laws!”

Detroit at Cincinnati: “Ochocinco es muy bueno. Los Liones son horribles. Pero, no comprendes espanol. Si? Si.”

Detroit at Baltimore: “Watch us and you’ll get to see Ray Lewis do his cool little dance!”

Arizona at Detroit: “Stay long enough and YOU may be chosen to replace the secondary after it’s been repeatedly torched!”


Detroit at San Francisco: “You really don’t want to return those Christmas gifts, do you? Watch us instead!”

Chicago at Detroit: “Watch us beat a Bears team that has probably given up at this point!”

Matthew Stafford is set up for failure


By H. Jose Bosch

At least we know the Lions can score points when they’re spoon fed good field position. Unfortunately that’s about the only thing they could do right on Sunday afternoon.

So, to quickly recap: the Lions best offense is a … bad opposing offense. I’m not even giving the defense credit when you consider what happened the rest of the game.

But let’s zero in on more than just the fact that Detroit blew a 17-point first-quarter lead. The real story of the week is, “just how bad/good is matt Stafford?”

On paper alone he looks real bad. He’s thrown 12 interceptions to just five touchdowns. His completion percentage is just about 54 percent. (Compare that to Payton Manning, who has thrown 99 more passes and leads the league in percentage with 70 percent). And his passer rating is 55.9, fourth-worst in the league.

But in person … he looks even worse. Not one of his FIVE interceptions was the result of good defense, unless catching a ball with two hands counts. Stafford misfired badly on all those throws, sometimes throwing into triple coverage when I’m sure he could’ve checked down to an open receiver for a couple of yards.

And all I saw were the interceptions. The only time I’ve seen Stafford for a whole game, Detroit’s lone win over the Redskins, Stafford was overthrowing receivers badly. So I have to believe that the interceptions weren’t the only instance of Stafford missing the mark.

But knowing he sucks isn’t as important as why he sucks.

Detroit doesn’t have a good running game. It also doesn’t have a very good offensive line. Oh, and the defense isn’t anything to write home about either. In other words, the Detroit Lions are a crappy team. Jesus Christ could line up behind center and still couldn’t hit 60 percent of his passes. Throw a rookie back there and it’s even worse.

That’s not to say Stafford shouldn’t get any of the blame. Even when he has time to throw he tends to be erratic. And as I mentioned earlier, he’s sometimes throwing into double and triple coverage, which means he still isn’t reading defenses properly.

But this kid has talent. Every quarterback in the league has talent. You can’t make it to that level without it. What he needs is a better team around him and for the owner, William Clay Ford, to completely clean house. Without that, he won’t last more than three years in the league.

This season is a success only because Detroit has won a game. They might even win a couple of more down the end of the rode when they play other teams that are just as sorry as them (Cleveland, Chicago and San Francisco). But it’s already a failure because there doesn’t appear to be any forward progress within the organization.

The old Lions would blow a 17-point first-quarter lead. These new Lions are doing just the same thing.

The Detroit Lions can’t get worse, but they aren’t any better


By H. Jose Bosch

After watching the Lions-Redskins game I remember telling my dad that the Lions looked like they finally might be turning things around and it wasn’t just because they broke their putrid losing streak.

What I saw was a quarterback that actually had potential and a coach you just might get more out of the players than his predecessors. If anything it just felt like the Lions were a better team. No, they weren’t going to make the playoffs or even win more than five games, but they were going to improve.

Now it has become clear that the Detroit Lions are still just a terrible football team. The only real improvement has been in the wins column because you can’t get worse than nothing.

Last season Detroit finished 27th in the league in points and 30th in the league in yards. This year they’re currently 25th in both categories. That isn’t improvement. All that shows is that the Lions hang in games for about a quarter or two longer than last season before they implode.

Last season the team finished last out of 32 teams in points and yards allowed. This season they’re now 31st in points allowed and 23rd in points allowed. Good god, why does the league even allow teams to play that vaunted defense? It’s almost unfair.

Following the end of last season, the Lions had no where to go but up only because negative wins aren’t allowed in the NFL. This season has been an improvement in the same way that Pacman Jones has improved his life. Whiles the numbers say the team isn’t as bad as last season the eyes tell you that this team still sucks. A lot.

So what do Lions have to look forward the rest of the season? You could be the positive fan and circle the Seahawks and Browns as maybe wins, even though Detroit just proved that a weak opponent means nothing. You could even say the Lions might steal a win at home against Chicago just because it’s the Bears and they tend to screw themselves a lot.

Or you could just pay attention to Matthew Stafford’s development and pray he shows enough potential to convince you that picking him was the right decision.

Or you could pray for the team to fail miserably again and call for William Ford to hire Bill Cowher as a GM/coach who is given all the personnel decisions (kind of like Bill Parcells).

Or you could just turn off your television and develop a new hobby. Like chess.

The Lions season is already in check mate anyway. It wouldn’t be that hard of a transition.