Britney Spears is the Elvis Presley of Our Age


Saturday brought Britney Spears using social media to give the world an update on her personal gym, one that she herself had previously burnt down. It was an accident, she claims, and perhaps that’s true, but there’s still a lot of mystery and controversy surrounding that incident from a few months ago.

There’s a lot to unpack around that, but this is neither the time or space. My first thought in hearing about it was ‘oh like when Elvis Presley used to shoot his own television.’ You see, many years ago I was vocal about how Britney Spears was this generation’s Elvis Presley, and this take was vastly unpopular.

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Minnesota Timberwolves sing Britney Spears (video)


Remember Britney Spears‘ breakthrough hit from the spring of ’99 “Hit me baby one more time?” Of course you do, it was the music video that reintroduced an entire generation of men to the schoolgirl fetish/Lolita complex. The strip club industry should be thankful that the song was so big during an era in which MTV still played music; cuz the song/theme has been a nudey bar staple ever since.

And now the song gets worked by the Minnesota Timberwolves karaoke style.

A few quick notes before you watch the NBA players “fun bad” video.

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Link Bank 12-6-11: Britney Spears, Erin Andrews, WORST Bowl Game


Feel old? You will now: Britney Spears turned 30 yesterday. (Popwatch) I remember back in junior year of college when she burst onto the scene as Little Ms. Jailbait. And some dude in the school paper wrote an op-ed saying something to the extent of “Spears is making Lolita Complexes fashionable right now, but chill out. By the time she’s 25, she’ll be a really fat, divorced single mom.” (It wasn’t me- I swear!)

Damn, he nailed that one. The only part he didn’t prophesize was her second divorce and comeback/weight loss.

-The Erin Andrews peephole video saga is very far from over

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The Anti-Bracket: Kardashian Regional


The Sports Bank’s third annual Anti-Bracket (formerly known as the Douchebracket) celebrates all that is wrong in the world, most prominently in the sports world.  Four regionals will chosen by an esteemed panel of TSB contributors.  With your input, the field will be narrowed down to a Final Four where our readers will choose the winner of the 2011 Anti-Bracket.

Past winners of the this Regional include Notre Dame football fans with absolutely zero connection to the school and the Chicago Bears Media Relations Department .  BOTH WENT ON TO BECOME CHAMPIONS OF THE OVERALL BRACKET!

Help me figure who will earn that honored distinction this season by leaving a comment below as to who you think needs to advance to the Final Four. And a 3-peat??!!!

By Paul M. Banks

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#18 Iowa vs. Ball State: Brutally Honest Game Preview

iowa cheerleaders

Poor Ball State. They’re getting the Iowa Hawkeyes at the exact wrong time. The Hawks were upset in the late night desert air by Arizona, and now they need wins with huge style points to compensate for how far they fell in the national rankings. Critics of Iowa say the team, and the state itself, is boring.

I disagree. Iowa provided the setting for “Field of Dreams” and “The Music Man,” two works of American fiction that have influenced and inspired contemporary pop culture in every genre. Regarding the team itself,  they had a backup offensive lineman appear on a national morning talk show, possess one of the best defensive lines in the nation, and possibly the best defensive player overall in Adrian Clayborn. How many programs have star power like this?

Throughout the season, I’ll be bringing you these informative yet blunt game previews of every contest I cover (and a second game that week that interests me); with a heavy focus on my three “home teams” Northwestern, Illinois, Notre Dame, and the Big Ten in general.

By Paul M. Banks

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The Sports Bank’s Father’s Day Guide


Daughters: Give Your Dad a Special Gift This Father’s Day

By Jake Fowler

Remember that Britney Spears or NSYNC concert your dad took you to when you were a teenager.  Now it’s time to return the favor.  This Father’s Day, sit down with your Dad and spend some quality time watching his favorite sporting event.  It’s a cheap and unique gift (Dad probably has enough golf balls and fishing lures) that will be very beneficial to your relationship, as long as you know what you’re doing.  Here are some tips on how to make the most of your time on the couch with Dad.


Don’t Be Afraid to Talk

Just because you don’t know anything about sports or the players involved doesn’t mean you don’t have any interesting commentary to offer.  Guys are used to watching sports with other guys and women can offer unique and refreshing perspectives that can liven up a game.  For example, many star athletes are dating famous actresses or models that you may know much more about, and talking about them can provide a depth of knowledge about your Dad’s favorite players that he will appreciate.

Recognize the Situation

Talking to your Dad is great, unless it’s during a crucial point in the game.  If there is less than five minutes to play in the fourth quarter or if it is the ninth inning in baseball- save all serious conversations for a commercial break.  Nothing irritates a man more than having a potentially great moment in sports history interrupted.  Understanding the magnitude of the sporting event you are watching is also important.  A man is much more laid back during a regular season football game in November than he is during the Super Bowl.

Don’t Act Bored

A quick way to break your Dad’s heart is to say you really want to watch the game with him but actually appear look like you’d much rather be shopping for Manolos.  A man doesn’t like to feel guilty when he’s watching the game; he wants you to share in his passion.  If you truly find watching sports unbearable, your Dad will realize you’re making a sacrifice and be impressed you are doing something for him that you would never do by yourself.

Brownie Points

Your Dad doesn’t expect you to paint your face on game day or start throwing the remote at the TV after bad calls, but there certainly are ways to make yourself into his favorite daughter.  Take the time to learn about his favorite team and players so you can relate to him when watching the game or just to impress him at the breakfast table.  Most daughters don’t talk to their Dads about sports, so if you know even a little bit, it will be noticed.  Food is also a path to any man’s heart.  Surprise your Dad by making him his favorite snack at halftime or just grabbing him a fresh beer out of the blue once in a while.
Follow these tips and your Dad will be thoroughly impressed.  You don’t have to watch sports with him all the time, just try it this Father’s Day and watch his face light up.  Dad probably doesn’t need any more gift certificates to elaborate steakhouses.  Make him his favorite dip, call a player on the opposing team a bum and enjoy a great bonding experience that he will never expect and also remember for years to come.