Cubs Carlos Zambrano to Marlins: MOST ANNOYING PLAYER EVER IS GONE!


Now that the Cubs have sent Carlos Zambrano packing to the Miami Marlins in exchange for Chris Volstad, with the Cubs eating the majority of the contract. I felt it was time to re-publish something from Aug 13th on Big Z.



Mind-numbing futility and abject failure is so commonplace to Chicago baseball that making fun of it isn’t even worth doing anymore. It’s become so routine: seeing small market teams with payroll half the size of the Cubs and White Sox, yet beating both of them down and passing them over in the Central divisions.

It’s old hat. Just like the stories about White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen having a tirade, straining his relationship with GM Kenny Williams, and his firing being inevitable. Every time I hear these stories I just yawn.

But even more tired, predictable and cliche are Carlos Zambrano fits and the what-did-he-do-this-time rants.


Please be gone for good this time Zambrano. Really, you have the temper of a four year old, and your act is so annoying and over-done, just take your $18 million and go home for good.

By now you’ve heard- that Carlos Zambrano threw another one of his exceedingly childish hissy fits following another one of becoming-all-too typical horrendous outings on the mound. Except this one was different- afterward he cleaned out his locker, left the team and said he was done with baseball.


I really am sick of reading/hearing about you. And I’m sick of writing about you. You pretty much are a waste of a human life to me at this point. I’m sure the Cubs PR department loves you too.

It was easy to root for Big Z when he was the true ace of the 2003 division winning staff; yet constantly pitching in the shadow of Mark Prior and Kerry Wood. (Ok, I guess that situation has ended up badly for everyone involved; even though Wood reinvented himself enough to keep hanging on in MLB still) But today, no one roots for Zambrano, no one likes Zambrano, no one wants him on their team.

Just go home!

I can’t stand the White Sox career of Jake Peavy. I can’t stand all his injuries, and all his potential wasted and all the useless promises we hear from the Sox about what he could do here- eventually. I really find his very presence on the Southside annoying and irritating. Yet he seems as welcome to me as a short, pretty buxom girl in a schoolgirl outfit when juxtaposed against  Zambrano.

Really. Just be done with it already.

Let this retirement be more Greg Maddux and not Brett Favre.

Paul M. Banks is CEO of The Sports, an official Google News site that generates millions of unique visitors. He’s also a regular contributor to Chicago Now, Walter, Yardbarker, and Fox Sports 

He does regular weekly radio spots in Chicago and Cleveland and has appeared on live shows all across the world from Houston to New Zealand. You can follow him on Twitter

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