With curling there are two cliches that always accompany the two week period, every four years (every winter olympics), in which we see mainstream interest in the sport. The first is “oh, it’s not really a sport.” The second is “oh, I can do that, anybody can, we could all be winter olympic athletes.”
First off, it’s worth noting that the curling I participated in is not true curling, in its purest sense. I went to an establishment located at the west end of the SoDaSoPa (for our South Park fans) like district that is Randolph Street in the West Loop of Chicago.
Winter sucks, its been here too long already, and it shows no signs of leaving any time soon.The best thing you can do to combat the winter of our discontent (i.e. every winter) is to get out and do stuff, regardless of the weather.
Curling is the ice form of bocce ball/Italian lawn bowling/what bowls is in England/quasi-cold bowling. In other words, it’s a beer game, best played in a beer garden. Here is a link to an actual history lesson on the sport, but honestly it kind of feels like someone, somewhere wanted to play bocce ball, and it was just too cold, but they thought “hey, let’s go anyway.”
And the objective is to get the stone into the area of the ice painted exactly like the logo on a side of a British warplane and referred to as “the house.” (as it’s a Canadian game, you can pronounce in “the hoose.”)
Also, feel free to get in touch with your early 1990s hip-hop slang and make as many “in the house” rap references as possible.
However, like I said before, this is not full curling, because all you are doing is throwing the stones, hoping to get them into the house.
You are not going onto the ice and sweeping around the stones, and that is a good thing.
You don’t want to mix drinking alcohol with walking on ice; period. Plus, you need special shoes for it. And it is not as easy as it looks on TV- the stones are heavier and more difficult to control than one might expect. Also, you do have to get some exercise in, because you are constantly standing up, kneeling down, repositioning yourself, and extending outward. Have you ever done a bunch of lunges for the first time in a very long while?
And then wondered why you were in a lot of pain the next day?
So no, you can’t perform at curling as well as the olympians can. You do need a high level of skill, and some basic conditioning, as this game can easily be just as frustrating as it is fun.
And if you’re going to say this isn’t a sport, then you have to apply that logic to several other Olympic sports like throwing a spear (javelin), engaging in the 11th century version of what a military air force was (archery), tossing a mini cannon ball (shot put), twirling around and tossing a heavy frisbee (discus) and…well, you get the point.
At the end of the day all that matters is whether the activity is enjoyable or not; who cares if it is/isn’t a sport/game/whatever.
Curling is outdoor fun, and this time of year, such activities are in very short supply. Think of it like the Bad Bunny Super Bowl Halftime Show. Did you totally understand what was going on? Maybe not, but you were able to comprehend that people were having a good time!
Paul M. Banks is the Founding Editor of The Sports Bank. He’s also the author of “Transatlantic Passage: How the English Premier League Redefined Soccer in America,” and “No, I Can’t Get You Free Tickets: Lessons Learned From a Life in the Sports Media Industry.”
He currently contributes to USA Today’s NFL Wires Network, RG.org and Ratings.org. His past bylines include the New York Daily News, Sports Illustrated and the Chicago Tribune. His work has been featured in numerous outlets, including the Wall Street Journal, Forbes and the Washington Post.