By Paul M. Banks and The Soxman
“Ozzie Guillen Unfiltered, Raw, and Uncutâ€
With Ozzie having another outburst making national headlines, my choice is very timely. Right around this time a couple of years ago, I spent a day at U.S. Cellular Field. The overwhelming highlight was not having field and locker room access, nor was it the gourmet upscale dining room I was treated to as a member of the press corps. (Although both were awesome in their own right.) The highlight was Ozzie Guillen when he’s just “Ozzie being Ozzie.†We’ve all heard the stuff he’s said on-the-record, so when I give you a glimpse into his personality unfiltered, you won’t likely be shocked at what you hear. (This is all “off-the record†by the way) Oz just inspired me for an analogy in a recent article:
“The most famous of mythic creatures, dragons, have a separate section. Dragons remind me of White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen in that both are creatures reviled by some and worshipped by others. Many fear what comes out of the mouth of both.â€
This was from my review of the overwhelmingly popular new Field Museum exhibition “Mythic Creatures: Dragons, Unicorns & Mermaids†which highlights the most extraordinary creatures of the human imagination.
https://www.therealchicago.org/0303creatures.htm
Here are a couple cuts, the rest I’m saving for my book:
“The Cubans are horseshit. They spend their whole career playing against little kids; then they get to the major leagues and they shit their pants.†(No, Jose Contreras was not in earshot, thank goodness.)
“I don’t care what Ozzie Jr. does just as long as it doesn’t make the papers. If he does some shit that makes the papers, I will beat his ass.â€
“That band (Fall Out Boy did a two song acoustic set behind home plate that day) is little kids’ shit. I like to SALSA!†(He then got up from his clubhouse barco-lounger and does a couple dance moves)
“I was so high at the Allman Brothers concertâ€
And his son is continuing the family tradition of candor that would make Tony Montana or Borat sound like a PR rep. At the Minneapolis Hilton hotel bar, I heard Ozzie Guillen Jr. tell a group of young women, “You shouldn’t be wearing that stuff; I don’t like it when girls wear White Sox stuff.†One of them asked why; and he responded, “Because girls should always dress slutty all the time.†Again this is not official! Spending an hour or so listening to Ozzie Guillen do to political correctness what a baby does to a diaper almost seemed too entertaining to be true. I seriously thought I was on MTV Punked or something. Hearing him just go to town on issues of….well anything is a show that would sell out in seconds.
The Soxman’s Best Damn Sports Days Ever
I once read a quote stating that reflecting on fond memories is like diving into a pool of cool water on a sweltering summer day. So to pick just one great experience with a sports figure would be like taking a Dixie cup of that cool water and splashing it on myself while running a marathon. My random reflections of interactions with sports figures may not be significant to others, but they influenced the way I treat others. So as I wade through my magical reflecting pool, I hope you find the splashes of memory as cool as I do…
-As a young boy I was invited onto the field of Comiskey Park to play catch with 1983 Rookie of the year Ron Kittle and catcher Mark Salas…all thanks to an errant throw into the stands by relief pitcher Steve Rosenberg. It lasted a mere five minutes, but I got an autographed ball out of it, and the most magical memory of my life.
-Being given the batting gloves of Hall-of-Famer Carlton Fisk as an alternative to his autograph when he went through his pre-game ritual.
-Having a conversation with Frank Thomas one day after he was drafted out of Auburn, when the average Sox fan had no idea who he was. After watching him smash every pitch he saw during BP out of the park, I shagged one of his pre-game dingers, which he gladly signed. When I told him I thought he would be “awesome,†he responded, “thanks man, I sure hope so.â€
-As Soxman, having Hall of Famer Paul Molitor, Bernie Mac, and former Chicago Bull Bill Wennington asking to have their picture taken with ME. Seriously!!!
-Being solicited by Chris Widger to rent my costume for hazing their rookies.
-Being told by A.J. “It’s about time you got here,†when I popped by the batters box as a rally and Sox comeback began…
-Being called the most popular Sox fan in the world by Darrin Jackson during a Sox broadcast….
