My public plea to Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge:
Will you please have your baby already, or at least just go into labor?
The media used to call Kate Middleton Waitey Katie because she was dating Prince William for so long before His Royal Highness of Boring popped the question. And now Kate Middleton is turning the tables and making us wait to see when she’s going to give birth to the Future King or Queen of England, who will be third in line to the British throne.
Please, Kate Middleton, have the kid now. I’m getting tired of hearing everyone on social media and in the news talk about it. Hearing about Kate Middleton’s fetus is starting to make my ears bleed. And I guess I’m not the only one who is getting impatient, albeit for different reasons.
Camilla Parker Bowles (Prince Charles’ wife and reigning booger woofer) and the Queen of England herself, Elizabeth II, are all but imploring Kate Middleton’s water to break.
What do these women want? A gusher?
So Kate Middleton’s due date was allegedly July 11. That date came and went with no word of any impending labor pains. The only news was that Kate Middleton left Kensington Palace and made off to the quaint hamlet of Bucklebury Berkshire to stay with her parents, Michael and Carole Middleton.
Bucklebury Berkshire. Sounds like it’s right out of the Harry Potter books, but I digress.
Earlier this week, Camilla Parker Bow-Wow let it slip that she and Prince Charles are waiting by the phone for any news of the Kate Middleton Labor and Birth Watch, and that they hope to have some news by the end of this week.
Which led people to speculate that Kate Middleton’s REAL due date IS this week and not July 11. And that Duchess Catherine has duped us all into thinking she was due on a certain day when she clearly wasn’t, just to get the media hounds off her belly — I mean back.
And today, HRH Queen Elizabeth II said, “I would very much like it to arrive. I’m going on holiday.”
Then I would suggest to Kate Middleton that she’d better get this labor party started.
Paul M. Banks is the owner of The Sports Bank.net, an affiliate of Fox Sports. He’s also a correspondent for 95.7 The Fan, and reports on Chicago sports media for Chicago Now. President Obama follows him on Twitter (@paulmbanks)