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Not Many Midwest Cities on Drunkest List, STL 6th, Madison 15th

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st. louis- nellyville

You know how I’m always complaining that St. Louis is the most boring, awful place on the planet? And my two best Cardinal fan friends agree, by telling me how dull it is? Well apparently it is also a drunken, dystopian wasteland- according to the Men’s Health magazine drunkest cities list.

“Nellyville” came in sixth in the United States, and Madison, Wisconsin, home of the state University and the Badgers checked in at #15. The Midwest is surprisingly under-represented, as Toledo comes in at #22, and that’s it for the top 25.

Fresno (Go Bulldogs! Aren’t you proud?) is #1, and the list seems to be dominated by third-tier and geographically remote cities in California, Texas and Florida. The Deep South is well-represented too- no shock there as this pretty much teach courses in alcoholism at Universities in Dixieland.

The list factors in: amount of liver disease, binge drinking, deaths in DUI-related crashes, DUI arrests and the stringency of DUI laws.

That said, I’m really surprised to see 1.) No East Lansing, Michigan on this list as Michigan State is the Arizona State University of the snow belt and 2.) My hometown of Chicago is only 85th.
That’s shocking considering how many people I know here who define their lot in leisure life by how wasted they got last night, or the night before, or last weekend, etc. (or at least through their 20s and early 30s they do). I thought it was indicative of the Second City’s culture.
Turns out I’m just “surrounded by friggin idiots” (as Dr. Evil would say); and empty, unoriginal people. My social problem is micro, not macro level.

See the whole list here