By Paul M. Banks

While Head Coach Charlie Weiss gives the Notre Dame program a figurative black eye, QB and team captain Jimmy Clausen suffers a literal one. Make that two black eyes, reports say. It occurred in a South Bend bar called CJ’s a few hours after a tough loss to UConn. An irate fan said something about Clausen, his girl, drinking was almost certainly involved and then fisticuffs ensued. Allegedly. It sounds exactly like a scene from my favorite college football movie, “The Program” (1993). You might remember star QB and Heisman trophy candidate Joe Kane getting drunk and having a townie oaf goad him into a fight.

Here are more details from the both the print and radio arm of the the evil Chicago Tribune empire:

“A South Bend police spokesman said Monday no police reports were filed over the weekend that involved Clausen. The particulars of the confrontation are thus unclear, though a person answering the phone at CJ’s, the bar in question, said the incident “absolutely did not take place inside the bar.”

“WGN AM 720’s David Kaplan reported that it occurred at 2:30 a.m. Sunday. That CJ’s employee, who identified himself as a bartender, said Clausen and family members were at the bar following the Connecticut loss — along with other Irish upperclassmen apparently gathering after their final home game at Notre Dame Stadium.”

The article goes on to remind us all what an egocentric, douchenozzle with a sense of entitlement Clausen truly is. He takes after his coach, who shares his arrogance and misguided belief that the rules don’t apply to him.

Quoting the Trib:

“It is another in an assortment of off-field incidents involving the Irish’s starting quarterback that date back to his first year on campus. He was cited in June 2007 for transporting alcohol as a minor. Then, in August 2008, pictures appeared on the Web site “The Big Lead” depicting a not-yet-21 Clausen and three teammates at what the site labeled “Beer Olympics.”

I know he was supposedly “sucker-punched,” but the way Clausen garners headlines, by draft day he may be portrayed as some kind of Frankenstein douchemonster QB, the horrors of which the world has never seen. Think the delusion of grandeur, over-ratedness, and petulance of Jay Cutler with the whining ability and insecure narcissism of Jeff George meets the self-destructive tendencies and general malfeasance of Joe Kane from the aforementioned film. I know that last one is fictional, but you get the idea, the tragically-wasting-one’s-physical-gifts-because-you’re-a-severe-head-case story.

Or maybe he’s just misunderstood. This guy has spent all his formative years studying film and working on his mechanics, maybe he’s lived a very sheltered life like a real world version of J.D. McCoy from “Friday Night Lights,” and perhaps his social skills aren’t the fittest, and that’s what leads to problems? Only those who know him best can say for sure.

The University has not released a statement yet, and it likely won’t until more details comes out. I’m expecting this story to have some legs, and no matter how interesting, or uninteresting the actual tomfoolery and ballyhoo was, it will certainly do one fantastic thing for sports fans that are extremely fatigued by incessant Notre Dame coverage. Everyone will stop beating the dead horse that is the inevitable Charlie Weiss firing story.

I actually care a lot more about Clausen being #1 overall in my latest NFL mock draft. Now that this news has broken, his stock will fall and I’ll have to change that.

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