Tom Brady No Longer Toils in Relative Obscurity; Tosses TD Pass Record

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Tom Brady is a two-time league MVP and winner of three Super Bowls. He threw for 5,235 yards during the season, second in NFL history to Drew Brees’ 5,476 (also this season). He has a ridiculously hot supermodel wife Gisele who doubles as a global environmental ambassador (she just got back from a mission trip to Africa). Yet it seemed like the media completely ignored him this week.

Brees overshadowed the fact that Brady also broke Dan Marino’s passing record. And that’s understandable.

What’s not understandable is how the entire nation became so transfixed by Tebow’s play, and his polarizing personality that they almost forgot Brady existed.

He reminded them with authority Saturday night.

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Patriots (Not so) Mercifully End TEBOW MANIA!

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Our long national nightmare of media over-exposure is now over! For whatever reason, The Denver Tebows just don’t match-up well with the New England Patriots, getting their azzes handed to them yet again- 45-10 this time. The first meeting in Denver went 41-23 N.E.

With all of America talking about Tim Tebow, the team with the most American of mascots gave Tebow and the Broncos their dismissal for the 2011 NFL season. This 45-10 “game” was to Jesus’ starting QB and Denver what the battle of Yorktown was to King George III and his Redcoats- the decisive final defeat.

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Tim Tebow Media Coverage, Public Faith Greatest Hits Collection

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Resistance is futile. Especially at this point, when ESPN devoted an entire SportsCenter to Tim Tebow; making a Tebow reference literally every 18 seconds. As poignant as song lyrics could ever be. Green Day “American Idiot”….”don’t want to be an American idiot, one nation controlled by the media.”

As a New England Patriots fan, well…I guess whatever gives Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski, Wes Welker and company an extra edge. They’re certainly flying under the radar today, even though their a heavy favorite in the NFL playoffs!

So let’s get to the point and run down all the Tebow pieces we’ve been forced to do. (It’s like covering the Amy Winehouse death, you don’t want to do it, but as a business man you’re a complete schmuck if you don’t).

So let’s talk media-whoring and annoying displays of public faith! Greatest hits after the jump

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SNL Sketch: Jesus Tells Tim Tebow, Broncos he’s Reason for Winning Streak

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Right now Tim Tebow is much more than a Denver Broncos quarterback, he’s a pop culture tour de force. Everyone has an opinion on him including the writers at “Saturday Night Live.”

Last night Taran Killam played the overanxious Tebow, Andy Samberg portrayed unsung place-kicking hero Matt Prater and Jason Sudekis played the Son of Man. Big J.C. claims credit for the Broncos’ winning streak and appears in their locker room post OT win over the Chicago Bears.

The reason? To tell the Broncos it’s time for them to start winning games on their own instead of relying on Him to have to show up and save them every fourth quarter.

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Hate Tim Tebow? Blame the Media and his Defenses, not his Faith

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Without a doubt Tim Tebow is the most polarizing figure in the entire sporting world. And the main reason isn’t his overt Christian faith, which he publicly displays as if he were receiving royalties for every mention of the lord, or even anything inherent to his personality.

I don’t think Tebow himself is worth hating. Sure, none of us really know him, but his public facade seems like a nice guy. We don’t know who he actually is but he seems a decent sort. Sure, he’s home-schooled, and those people are usually creepy and simplistic. But I think he generally means well even if he isn’t exactly bright.

However, I don’t find him likable at all. In fact I think he’s an annoying one-trick-pony, but that’s different from being detestable.  There are other people connected to Tebow who are much more detestable.

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Michael Irvin Refers to Tim Tebow as “Son of God” On-Air (Video)

tebow christ

It’s very easy to draw the analogies between Denver Broncos starting quarterback Tim Tebow and Jesus Christ. For one, very few athletes in recent memory have been as publicly overt about their Christian faith as Tebow. Secondly, the flock of devotees (NFL football fans) who worship Tebow do so in a very religious “onward christian soldier” mentality.

Since there’s no true evidence to believe he’ll be a true star NFL QB, Tebow’s acolytes believe in him through faith. And we in the sports media have fun calling him St. Tebow, Jesus Tebow, Tim Christ etc. But now someone has actually skipped past metaphor or simile and actually gone literal with the comparison.

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8 WORST Sports Team Theme Songs (Videos)

It’s no secret that 99/100 songs written specifically about sports teams SUCK. When they’re written for explicitly for the team, it’s a double whammy- crude, cold exploitative marketing. They’re usually obvious attempts by mediocre or worse musicians to capitalize on brief periods of civic pride. What follows are some of the worst of the worst. And sadly, eight slots is not enough. I know I left quite a few out.

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Kurt Coleman Ohio State’s Religiously Faithful Safety

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By Paul M. Banks

In Monroe Ohio, about halfway between Cincinnati and Dayton, there’s an enormous Jesus statue in front of a church bordering Interstate 75. It rivals the famous “Christ the Redeemer” statue on Corcavado mountain overlooking Rio De Janiero in size. It’s indicative of Ohio’s place as the buckle of the Bible Belt. The Creationist “museum” (or whatever it is) is also located on the same highway exit as Cincinnati’s main airport. And Ohio’s biggest and best college football team, THE Ohio State University Buckeyes, have their share of Christy individuals, including preseason All-American safety Kurt Coleman.kurtcoleman

Coleman, 5’11” 190 with 4.4 speed, is on the 2009 Lott Trophy watch list and a member of the FCA, Football Chaplain’s Association. He’s also active in public speaking and outreach with Fellowship of Christian Athletes and Athletes in Action, an Evangelical based group. “If I’m free, I’ll go speak to a church. It’s a great experience to grow as a person, to help share experience with others and help other people out,” Coleman said at Big Ten Media Day.

Some of the biggest and best Buckeyes on this year’s team –as well as last year’s squad- are extremely Christian, which is part of a much publicized trend in college football. The sport’s most high profile player, Tim Tebow, is essentially Billy Graham with a penchant for running the spread-option.  Tebow is NEVER criticized by anyone in the mainstream media, (see the “Rome is Burning” episode when Jim Rome slurped him for two whole minutes in describing Tim Tebow’s cool response to a very inappropriately sexual question at SEC Media Day)  and subsequently, the media has made more stories about Jesus in football.

This is nothing new of course, as College Football is at its most popular in the South (the proverbial Bible Belt) and many of the premier players emerge from poverty-stricken areas, where church is often the community’s primary focal point. If Jesus were alive today, I don’t think he’d be in favor of much of what goes on in the collegiate athletic cesspool, so the infusion of faith and worship can be a welcome departure from under-the-table payoffs and prostitution slush funds.fieldgoal_jesus1

Coleman told me what he talks about in churches. “A lot of it is how I came to faith, testimonials. For anybody who’s come to faith, the first they’ve said ‘this is what I need in my life at this time.’ I share that and I share tidbits in how you can keep growing in your faith.” Hope and prayer has been a big part of Coleman’s life, especially when his hero and confidant, his father came down with a rare form of male breast cancer. It was trying, but Coleman’s father pulled through just fine; now cancer-free after a treatment that involved little to no side effects. And this fall Kurt will play his final season with more mental resiliency. Last season he was third on the team in tackles despite missing two games from injury. In the NFL, he projects as a top 20 corner prospect, (his height will force him to move over from safety) and a 5-6th round draft pick.

The Father, The Son, Aramis Ramirez, Amen.

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By Paul Schmidt

The moment that the Cubs and their fans have waited for is finally here. The second coming of Jesus Christ himself, Aramis Ramirez, has returned to the Cubs lineup. Now they will start hitting!
He’ll fix the budget crisis too!  And heal all the election tension in Iran!  I also heard he knows where Osama bin Laden is hiding and is, on his next off day, leading a team of Special Forces soldiers to bring him to justice!

I love Aramis, and I think that he is probably the most underrated superstar in the National League – At least, outside the city of Chicago.  For those on the North Side, at least during his injury, you would think that he is Babe Ruth, Ichiro and Brooks Robinson all rolled into one.

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They won their first game back with Rami, but he went 0-for-4.  His mere presence in the lineup must have frightened my favorite Dutch pitcher, Jair Jurrjens, right?

I can’t stand idly by and listen any longer about how, with Ramirez back in the lineup, suddenly the Cubs will hit again.

For the first time since early 2007, the Cubs posting a losing record for a calendar month of the season by going 12-16.  They managed to do this while posting the best ERA for starting pitching in all of baseball.  Think about that for a moment.

Their starters, in June, were the best in all of baseball.  And yet, they lost 4 more games than they won.

Obviously, the offense is a big problem.

Injuries, however, were not the biggest issue.

We have two main cogs in the lineup – Geovany Soto and Alfonso Soriano – who are apparently statistically punting the 2009 season.  We have a second baseman in Mike Fontenot who should either be a platoon player or a sub off the bench – and is playing like it by only hitting .220.  We have a right fielder in Milton Bradley who has been on a pretty big offensive tear as of late – to bring his average all the way into the .240s.

Setting aside Fontenot (who, honestly has no business starting), if Soto, Soriano and Bradley were all putting up the seasons they had last year, prorated, as of right now, you’d be looking at a first place ball club.  And yes, I mean that, even with Aramis Ramirez, he who stands in the white robes and blesses us all, on the disabled list.

For anyone who thinks you can’t lose your best player and still win games, well, all you need to do is look at the team that eliminated us in the playoffs last year, the Los Angeles Dodgers.  They’ve been missing some Manny guy for the last 50 games.  While he was suspended, the Dodgers went 29-21, good for a .580 winning percentage.  Now, granted, that was far less than the nearly .700 clip they were winning at prior to his suspension, but it does prove that a team doesn’t need to fold up shop when their best player disappears from the lineup card.

In earlier times, Ramirez tamed Falcor and saved the Princess from The Nothing.

In earlier times, Ramirez tamed Falcor and saved the Princess from The Nothing.

Which is, essentially, what happened with the Cubs. They just let the snowball start rolling down the hill, gathering speed and momentum, and once it had they couldn’t stop the slump – or the excuses.

Now, with Rami the Great and Benevolent back, the excuses have all run out.

It’s time to prove to your fans and the city what you’re made of, gentlemen. Because if you aren’t good enough, come this winter, we’ll be looking for real answers.

And, just so we’re clear, ‘Aramis Ramirez was hurt’ won’t be good enough.

The Coming of Big JC

BEARS ACQUIRE QB JAY CUTLER FROM DENVER

By Paul M. Banks

It’s rare that I get an endless stream of text messages about a news story. It’s also unique to see one news item dominating the status updates on Facebook and Twitter- and then when you acknowledge it in your status update, you have a few comments almost instantaneously. But what the news broke that Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior was coming to Chicago. Whoops, wrong JC! But given all the hullaballo about a franchise savior arriving, you can understand why I thought judgment day was upon us. Because I always wondered what would happen first: the Bears have an exciting and enthralling passer (instead of a “game-manager” at best) at the quarterback position, or the end of the world. Who knows at this point, the Bulls might actually have a big man that can score! You’ll see Jessica Simpson in Mensa before that happens. But enough nabobs of negativism, this is a day for hallelujah!

Here were the specifics:

LAKE FOREST, IL — The Chicago Bears acquired QB Jay Cutler and a 2009 fifth-round draft pick (140th overall) in a trade with the Denver Broncos today for QB Kyle Orton, a 2009 first round draft pick (18th overall), a 2009 third round draft selection (84th overall) and a 2010 first round draft pick.

Cutler was named to his first Pro Bowl in 2008 after passing for a Broncos franchise record 4,526 yards in 16 starts. He completed 384 of 616 pass attempts (62.3 percent) with 25 touchdowns and 18 interceptions for a 86.0 passer rating last season. Cutler’s 29 completions of 25-plus yards ranked tied for seventh in the NFL and his eight 300-yard passing contests were second most.

In three NFL seasons after being selected 11th overall by the Broncos in the 2006 NFL Draft, Cutler has completed 762 of 1,220 passing attempts (62.5 percent) for 9,024 yards, 54 touchdowns and 37 interceptions for an 87.1 passer rating in 37 starts. Since being named the Broncos’ starting quarterback in Week 13 of the 2006 season, Cutler’s 9,024 passing yards rank third in the NFL, his 54 touchdowns rank tied for seventh and his 60 completions of 25-plus yards rank tied for fifth.

JAY CUTLER’S CAREER STATISTICS

Regular Season

Year        Team       G             GS           Att           Cmp        Pct          Yds         TD           Int           Lg           Sack       Lost        Rate

2006        Den         5              5              137          81            59.1         1,001       9              5              71t           13            85            88.5

2007        Den         16            16            467          297          63.6         3,497       20            14            68t           27            153          88.1

2008        Den         16            16            616          384          62.3         4,526       25            18            93t           11            69            86.0

Totals                     37            37            1,220       762          62.5         9,024       54            37            93t           51            307          87.1

Additional Statistics: Rushing – 113 rushes for 423 yards, 3 touchdowns

Given that most outlets were reporting Cutler would go to the Redskins, this is a great surprise! I must admit I am a bit sad to see Kyle “Captain Neckbeard” go however. He’s an environmentalist, was an extremely hard partyer and probably my favorite Bear, if not the most colorful one. Still it’s worth the sacrifice to finally have a franchise QB in place- especially since the offensive line has received a major upgrade this offseason.


O and there’s a new Pace to the O-Line too!

And on the same exact day no less….

LAKE FOREST, IL – The Chicago Bears agreed to terms with T Orlando Pace on a three-year contract today. Terms of the deal were not disclosed.

The seven-time Pro Bowler (1999-2005) has started 154 of 158 career games played in 12 NFL seasons, including 14 contests in 2008. The 6-7, 325-pounder was the first overall pick in the 1997 NFL Draft by the St. Louis Rams out of Ohio State . During his string of seven-straight Pro Bowl seasons, Pace helped lead the Rams to the Super Bowl XXXIV title, a Super Bowl XXXVI appearance and blocked for three-straight NFL MVPs (QB Kurt Warner in 1999 and 2001 and RB Marshall Faulk in 2000).

Tackle Kevin Shaffer who started pretty much every game for the Cleveland Browns the past 5 seasons was signed on March 25th. Last year’s number one draft pick Chris Williams is now healthy and rarin to go for his sophomore campaign. Also, some of last year’s starters are now gone: John Tait retired, Terrence Metcalf was cut and John St. Clair declared free agency. So things will be looking much different (i.e. much better regarding whom the new quarterback will have blocking for him). Now if we could find a legitimate NFL worthy wide receiver!