It’s Time for Curtis Painter, Indianapolis Colts- Boiler Up Purdue Fans

Curtis Painter has been the subject of much opinion during his tenure as the backup quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts — most of those opinions negative.

He’s not a NFL-caliber QB. Anyone would be better than that no-talent waste of a draft pick.

Are these opinions really the case? Is this thinking based on his play in meaningful games (his total is one, last Sunday’s 23-20 loss to Pittsburgh)?

True, the former Purdue field general has looked mostly poor in his outings, but last week’s game-tying drive (never mind Kerry Collins‘ possible concussion … or Peyton Manning’s long-term health uncertainty, for that matter) should be enough to say that it’s time to find out once and for all how Painter stacks up as a NFL QB.

It’s time for the Colts to start Painter.

[Read more…]

Douchebracket Regional Finals Results- David K. Regional

By: David K.

Fifty years from now, when your grandchildren ask you about the all-time greatest performances in Douchebracket history, you will have to mention Rachel Nichols’ run in 2009.  It has been legend… wait for it… legendary!

Sweet 16
#3 Rachel Nichols vs. #7 T-Shirts under basketball jerseys
Despite a spirited effort by Oklahoma’s Tony Crocker and the long sleeve t-shirt he rocks under his jersey, T-Shirts was absolutely no match for Rachel.  Maybe T-Shirts was hypnotized by Rachel’s eyes since she only blinks once every twenty seconds or maybe it was her over-dramatizing every sentence she said like she was a soap opera star.  Whatever is was Rachel came ready to play and it showed in the final score.

#16 Cub fans who blame Steve Bartman vs. #4 Around the Horn
It was a memorable run for the 16 seed Cub fans, but their Cinderella story ended abruptly at the hands of Around the Horn.  Woody Paige’s yelling for no reason and asinine arguments threw Cub fans off their game from the start.  In an absolutely disgusting act that I am sure Jay Mariotti would fully support on the show, Around the Horn showed absolutely no class at the end of the game when host Tony Reali crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it in the face of one of the fans as the clock read zeroes.  Cub fans then camped outside his house the next day waiting for him to emerge from his domicile while sending him death threats, blaming him for being their curse.

Regional Final
#3 Rachel Nichols vs. #4 Around the Horn
You know how when Pittsburgh played Villanova in the Elite 8 this past weekend, it was pretty much a win-win for the Big East Conference seeing as one of their teams was guaranteed to advance to the Final Four.  This is how ESPN felt heading into the match-up.  The biggest difference between the Pitt/Nova game and this showdown was that there was no last second dramatics needed.  Rachel rolled the entire game and then interviewed herself on the court afterwards which led to this awkward sign-off.  “Rachel Nichols told me, Rachel Nichols, that she’s glad she won the game.  And she hopes you vote for me, I mean, I hope you vote for her.  Wait… Whatever.  I’m Rachel Nichols, EEEEEEE SSSSSS PPPPPPPP NNNNNNNNNN.”

Douchebracket David K. Regional Semifinals

Welcome to the D-Bag Bracket, a tournament deciding the most insufferable douchebags in all of sports.  The field of 64 has been narrowed down to 16.  To check out the complete David K. Douchebracket Regional, click here.  Feel free to express your opinion on who should advance to the Elite 8 and Final 4 in the comment area at the end of the article.

By: David K.

Regional Semifinal: #16 “Cub fans who blame Steve Bartman” vs. #4 “Around the Horn”

How #16 “Cub fans who blame Steve Bartman” got here: Since we are all about making history here at thesportsbank.net, “Cub fans who blame Steve Bartman” not only becomes the first ever 16 seed to win a tournament game, but also pulls off the second round upset of #8 “Acronym Signs.”  Can you say Cinderella?  For the record, “Brett Favre as a Jet” had a turnover on a terrible, completely unnecessary pass late in the game.

How #4 “Around the Horn” got here: Nobody has had a tougher road to the Regional Semifinals than “Around the Horn.”  After narrowly escaping #13 “National Signing Day” in the first round, #12 “Luke Harangody’s Fadeaway Jump Shot” took “Around the Horn” down to the wire in the second round.  Luckily, Jay Mariotti, Woody Paige, and Jackie MacMullen combined for one hell of an effort and brought their douchness ‘A’ game.

Regional Semifinal: #3 “Rachel Nichols” vs. #7 “T-Shirts under basketball jerseys”

How #3 “Rachel Nichols” got here: “Rachel Nichols” is like the UConn of this year’s NCAA Tournament, just running over their competition in the opening two rounds.  The Huskies won their first two tourney game by a combined 82 points, Rachel Nichols by 87 points.  Her doucheness absolutely destroyed Mel Kiper Jr. in the first round and then easily took down the upset minded #11 “Fans who yell ‘GET IN THE HOLE’ after a long drive or iron shot.”  Rachel clearly saved her best ball for the end of the season, just like any good team does.

How #7 “T-Shirts under basketball jerseys” got here: In a tightly contested opener, “T-Shirts” got a questionable call that looked like a flop to save their game against #10 “The Amount of Charges called in College Basketball.”  Then in a Christian Laettner, Tyus Edney, Bryce Drew type thriller, “T-Shirts” pulled off the second round upset of #2 “That Guy” in Fantasy Football, in a match-up that will go down as one of the greatest Douchebracket games of all time.  All the credit goes to Oklahoma’s Tony Crocker, whose long-sleeve t-shirt under his jersey hit the half-court heave at the buzzer to win the game.

DoucheBracket David K. Regional

Welcome to the d-bag bracket, a tournament deciding the most insufferable douchebags in all of sports. Please feel free to comment as much as possible, because your feedback will help determine who advances to the Final Four.
This is the bracket compiled by site Vice President David K.

1. Brett Favre as a Jet- This is not a shot at Favre himself, more a stab at how the entire Favre-Packers saga went down last summer.  This past year NEEDS to be permanently erased from my mind.

vs.

16. Cubs fans who blame Steve Bartman-
How about blaming Alex Gonzalez for his crucial error that allowed the flood gates to open instead of some poor guy who happened to try and catch a foul ball that was coming straight at him, just like the twenty people sitting around him?
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8. “Acronym Signs”- Especially with TV Station Acronyms like ESPN, ABC, FOX.  Here’s one for you “Everyone Sucks and is Penned uNoriginal”  It especially chaps my ass when one of the letters is in the middle of the word like I have the ‘n.’

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9. “Priceless Signs”- This piece of cardboard? 75 cents.  My friend’s face paint? $3  Never having to see one of these overdone signs ever again? Priceless

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4. Around the Horn- Jay Mariotti… Woody Paige… Jackie MacMullen… screaming, yelling, talking over each other, not being funny, not having relative arguments… Tell me when to stop….

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13. National Signing Day- Maybe it’s just because I am not a college football guy, but didn’t we know this guy was signing with our team when he verbally committed nine months ago?

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5. Luke Harangody- Awkward, Doofus, Frankenstein, Baby are all words that come to mind when I think of Harangody.

Vs.

12. Luke Harandgody’s fadeaway jump shot- As a person who appreciates the pure aspects of college basketball, Harandgody’s jump shot is the worst thing I have seen since Manute Bol.
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3. Rachel Nichols- “After the game, Brett Favre told me… “  No he didn’t you short, non-blinking, over-acting, I only have this job because Diane Sawyer is my mother-in-law pathetic excuse for a sportscaster.  He told all of us during the press conference, not just you.

Vs.

14. Mel Kiper Jr.- It is about more than just the ridiculous hair.  Has Mel ever admitted to being wrong about something?  No.  I would love to see Todd McShay pimp slap him sometime.

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6. Fans who don’t take their hats off/are disrespectful during the National Anthem- It definitely is more annoying when it’s an adult, but shut your trap, put your cell phone away, take your hat off, and stand still for two minutes before the game begins.  It’s really not asking that much.

Vs.

11. Fans who yell, “GET IN THE HOLE” after a drive or long iron shot- Hey, that was hilarious buddy… 15 years ago when the 7,429th guy did it.
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7. T-Shirts under Basketball Jerseys- Why?  Seriously?  What are you, eight years old?  Don’t even get me started on the tight-fitting muscle tee’s under the jersey.

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10. The Amount of Charges in College Basketball– I’ll allow my friend Quentin to speak on the matter: “Referees seem to have fallen so in love with the emphatic offensive foul call (buoyed by rambunctious home crowds that respond joyously to it) that whenever they see a defensive player flying backwards, the call is automatic to the point where I no longer even know what is or is not a true foul. The most egregious: two players are running side-by-side 30-feet from the basket, the defensive guy steps in front of the offensive player a half-step early, what gives him anymore right to that space than the man with the ball?”

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2. “That Guy” in Fantasy Football- You know “That Guy”.  “That guy” who wants to tell you about how each of his player’s on his four teams did Monday morning at work.  “That guy” who has nothing else to talk to you about from the months of August-December other than fantasy football.  “That guy” who asks you every Friday who he should start.  I despise “That Guy.”

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15. The two weeks leading up to the Super Bowl- Is it really necessary to add an extra week of hype to already the most over-hyped event of every year?  As if I need any more reasons NOT to watch SportsCenter.