MLB #1 Pick Bryce Harper Signs, with no time to spare


Yesterday was the MLB Draft class signing deadline, so everyone was of course fixated on Bryce Harper, the cocky catcher taken by the Washington Nationals. For most of the day and night it looked like Harper was not going to sign, prompting sports literary legend, and insane curmudgeon Buzz Bissinger to tweet this:

Harper is just being the dumb-assed prick he always was, is and will be. He will never change. Nats fans are in for it.

If you’re not following this crazy old man who Tweets without filter like there’s no tomorrow, please start doing so immediately. You will not be disappointed.

But Harper did eventually come around; just in time for the deadline.

Tim Brown of Yahoo! Sports reported that Harper will receive $9.9 million guaranteed over five years as part of his contract with the Nationals.

$6.25 million of the guaranteed money is the signing bonus. He’ll receive salaries of $500,000 in 2011 and 2012, $750,000 in 2013, $900,000 in 2014 and $1 million in 2015. The 17-year-old has a chance at additional roster bonuses should he be with the major league club in 2014 and 2015.

Ok, so we got that drama settled. I’ll let Bissinger take us out with two more hilarious tweets. Both of these gems have nothing to do with baseball or Harper, but were tweeted tonight close in sequence to the Harper comment.

Let these mental pictures set in. Frighteningly hilarious indeed

I have decided to become a Jet Blue flight attendant. I think I would be quite good at it after a certain period of adjustment.

My favorite tv show is now Glee. Suicide is close at hand. I can only see out of one eye. I have no feeling in my toes.

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