Flop of Phillies Pitching Robot Means Rise of the Machines Not Here Yet



PhillieBot, a robot who was given the opportunity throwing out the first pitch before yesterday’s Philadelphia Phillies-Milwaukee Brewers kind of failed in the task it was programmed to do. His toss bounced 10 feet in front of home plate.

Of course, with the game being in Philadelphia, the crowd booed the poor machine for it’s failure. These are Philly fans after all, they’re always ornery and hating everything.

But the setback of this a.i. in the city where A.I. made his name is good news for us humans, it means there’s no rise of the machines on the way. At least not for awhile yet. It’s not going to be Matrix time any day soon.

Despite what wacko Chicago Sun-Times columnist Rick Telander wrote in his ultra-paranoid, completely nutbar column “Brain Against the Machines.”

By Paul M. Banks


It was reckless and irresponsible of the Sun-Times to publish. Seriously, if you ever thought Telander was very overrated as a columnist before, wait till you read his Terminator scenario. Some excerpts from Telander’s insane ramblings:

we live in a world that is progressing into a vast arena in which mankind has never lived, never even comprehended, the stadium of human-enhanced computer dominance.

It is a place where intelligence, real or artificial, will be all. Scientists say that by as early as 2045 there may well be a computer that dwarfs mankind. By then, according to the current cover story in Time, a computer might exist that will surpass ‘‘the brainpower equivalent to that of all human brains combined.’’ That’s smart. Unless we’re really dumb. And we’re not, except when we do dumb things, like let our heads get damaged continually and call it something like ringing a bell.

And he concludes with:

But the olden days are gone. And you can be assured that if the battle between machines and humans ever becomes confrontational, it won’t be won by fists and forearms, helmets and sticks to our delicate heads.

Are ROTFLing yet? I hope so. Let’s keep the humor rolling with Tauntr’s list/graphics of famous robots who deserve gigs in MLB. And I’m convinced that this pitching bot, PhillieBot could win the closer’s job for the White Sox; and/or strikeout Adam Dunn. Despite the failure of his first pitch.

Here it is in action


  1. Bender Bending Rodriguez would have NEVER EVER bounced a pitch in. And I don’t know if you know how much it warmed my cold unfeeling heart to see a photo from Futurama, even if it was one of the movies, on this website. Just a little tear, in my eye, just like the Indian in those littering commercials…

  2. paulmbanks says

    hahahahhaha. very true.

    I choose Bender because his “kiss my shiny metal ass” resonates with me, and he’s first and foremost when I think of robots these days.

    then I think of the robots.txt file which is a critical set of code for indexing on the server side, layer four in the OSI model

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