Brewers & Twins Trade Talent in the Offseason



By: Andy Weise & Melissa S. Wollering
On Thursday, MLB players eligible for free agency started shopping with the same exuberance as your wife, set loose in a Target at 5 a.m. on Black Friday. The very next day, Milwaukee and Minnesota made an Interleague border swap by trading Twins CF Carlos Gomez for Brewers SS JJ Hardy.

Apparently, Doug Melvin couldn’t drum up any decent pitching in exchange for Hardy.  This now frees up at least $10M potentially needed to keep CF Mike Cameron around, who can now consider himself a free agent. Gomez began last season as the starting CF but batted only .195 through the first month and was moved to a reserve role. Funny, JJ’s stint in AAA for the promotion of Alcides Escobar mirrors the Gomez implosion.
The is proud to bring you this fictional exchange exclusive, captured between the two men Friday afternoon.
JJ: Hey, congratulations Carlos.  I think you’re going to like it in Milwaukee. The retractable roof is really nice in April, May and September.
CG: Good! I am happy. It is cold in Minnesota. You will have fun. Great players, Mauer, Morneau, all of them. I miss the place but my head says go have fun with my new team. I am so excited to meet my new teammates and hope they will like me.

JJ: I don’t think you’ll have any problem with your teammates, but watch out for those backstabbing coaches and managers. They kept me in the minors for exactly 20 days on purpose, pushing back my free agency until next season, or 2011. Even when I came back from AAA, they benched me most of September.  Doesn’t anyone remember I made the NL All-Star team in ’07?
CG:  You angry! Why? I want to be an all-star just like you. I am just trying to focus on being the best baseball player in the world. I will do my very best for my new team and teammates, I hope they accept me. I hope to have lots of fun, running, bunting, playing good defense, all the good I bring to the team. Watch out for Verlander with the Tigers, he’s not right in the head.
Carlos Gomez 

JJ: Neither is Alcides Escobar, who’s taken my place.  His baby’s mama says he’s an a**hole who won’t pay his child support and I still don’t think he can field as fast as he can run. You have your work cut out for you, Carlos.  Mike Cameron’s aging gold glove still saved dozens of homers along the Miller Park wall.  Fans are pretty critical if you go back and can’t make the play over it. But you can always make a play on the hot, young broads in Milwaukee.  They offer action even after a piss poor game. Brauny will show you which clubs to booze and which to bounce.


CG: Um…. I will just take my glove, tell my glove I love you please catch the ball and see what happens. I like girls but I am married. My wife likes warm weather but nothing we can do. I am excited to play with Prince and Braun. They are fun, they are great players. They will see how I play, I play with my heart on the line. I will get on base, they will hit me home. I like playing in that stadium too, it’s pretty fun. Will you take care of my friend Alexi Casilla?
JJ: Hell yes I will take care of Alexi.  I think I got the better end of this deal. I’ll get to play everyday. I get a new ballpark. Fresh start with my offensive numbers/stats. The Brewers couldn’t get ANY good pitching for me and they won’t be able to stop the sieves that are Jeff Suppan, Braden Looper (if he stays) and Manny Parra from draining all postseason hopes. I’m sitting pretty with my pretty boys Mauer and Morneau.  I think I’ll use my connections and get the three of us on the Young and the Restless.  Soap opera heartthrob was my nickname for a while…

Brew Soap Opera

CG: I don’t know why we talking about soap. I mean I usually get mine at the store but I don’t know where the store will be in Milwaukee. Do they have Target? I was excited about Target Field but lately they don’t play me anymore. Enjoy the new field, I wish I could play there but you can have my locker at the new place. I never picked it out but please tell my teammates to remember me and I’ll see them sometime again! Please tell TC the bear that Go-Go will miss him too. I am focus on Milwaukee helping them get a World Series. I was traded for Santana and now Hardy, I hope I never get traded again.

JJ: That makes two of us, bro.  I’m taking this one and only trade and trading it in for action in the World Series.  Yankees get a new stadium and a championship. Twins are going to do the same.  I’m going to help in every way I can. I’ll see you on May 21st Carlos, you’ll be coming back home that day.  Here’s to a better 2010 for both the Brewers and the Twins!

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  1. Is Go-Go’s English that terrible or was Weise drunk when he wrote this???

  2. mswollering says

    I’m not sure…I think GoGo’s English is that broken. Although Weise was quick to respond to me. Maybe it was sips of beer between exchanges?!? Haha. It was enjoyable to collaborate on though. Only I have a heart attack about baseball trades in November.

  3. paulmbanks says

    Love the Dwight K. Schrute picture

  4. jjzollitsch says

    I can see Gomez and Hardy being perfect for a movie version of “The Toroise and the Hare”. I wonder if Gomez could run from Minneapolis to Milwaukee before Hardy “runs” from home to 1st.

  5. I hope I wasn’t drunk, I was at work! And that is how Go Go talks! Read some of his quotes!

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