By Trenni Kusnierek

I just returned from four days in Arizona where I had the chance to take in some Brewers baseball.  In all honesty, the time was far too short for me to get a great grasp of what kind of team will take the field on March 31st against the Cubs, but I did walk away feeling cautiously optimistic that the season will finally stretch into October.  Here is a quick run down of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the intangible.

THE GOOD

I left the Phoenix area feeling pretty good about the depth of young pitching the Brewers have.  I had the chance to see Claudio Vargas, Manny Parra, and Carlos Villanueva take the hill and all of them looked solid.  Villanueva had the toughest outing of the group, giving up four earned runs, but it wasn’t terrible.  Parra was undoubtedly the most impressive.  He struck out seven batters in five innings and did not give up an earned run.  Parra has not given up an earned run since the first game; actually the first batter he faced this spring.  He also showed incredible control and poise on the mound with his off speed pitches showing a ton of improvement since last season. With the recent elbow soreness lefty Chris Capuano is suffering, Parra’s chances of making the rotation out of spring have improved.  The talk at camp is that Villanueva will be sent back to AAA Nashville despite his solid numbers.  This is because he still has a minor league option and the team wants to use him solely as a starter, not put him in the bullpen.  So, with Yovani Gallardo out until mid-April here is how I think the rotation battle will play out; Ben Sheets, Jeff Suppan, Dave Bush, Claudio Vargas, and Manny Parra.

The other glaring positive of camp: the offense.  If you have watched, listened, or checked the box score at any point this spring you’ve noticed the Brewers are not at a loss for runs crossing the plate.  Mike Cameron, Tony Gwynn, Jason Kendall, and Ryan Braun have been hot wire to wire, but in the short time I was in Phoenix a few of the other guys came around as well.  Corey Hart was mired in one heck of a slump (at one point he had struck out nearly 15 times without a home run), but just before the team’s only off day this spring Hart began both hitting the ball out of the park and just making contact in general.  Ditto for JJ Hardy and Prince Fielder, both had been doing OK at the plate, but not where they would like to be.  Following his work on Sunday, Hardy told me that early in camp a lot of the guys are tinkering with mechanics and trying to improve situational hitting (ex: pulling the ball), but as the spring draws to a close hitters try to get in a regular season mindset.  Oh, and for those of you worried that Prince’s vegetation has zapped his power, no worries.  Fielder knocked a monster shot out of a very deep part of the park in Peoria against San Diego on Friday night.

 

THE BAD

I was a little concerned with some of the defensive lapses I witnessed during our two televised games.  If there is one place the Brewers put a ton of emphasis in the off season, it was on improving in the field.  Ryan Braun looked pretty darn good in left field, but there was more than one occasion I cringed at the ball handling in the infield.  I personally witnessed errors from JJ Hardy, Rickie Weeks, and Prince Fielder over the long weekend.  According to Hardy, no one should panic.  The shortstop assured me the fields in Arizona are extremely challenging because of how dry they are and the way the ball can take a funny hop.    Another reason to not panic–the error I saw Hardy commit was his first of the spring and Fielder only has two.  Plus, Dale Sveum is putting in a lot of extra hours to help the young infielders and Ed Sedar is working just as hard in the outfield.  Both coaches are the first to greet their pupils as they exit the field to go over the little things.  Truth be told, I didn’t witness that many negatives in camp, and the few games I saw may have been an aberration. 

 

THE UGLY

I am hoping to say the same thing in a few weeks about second baseman Rickie Weeks–spring was just an aberration.  To say Weeks is struggling all around this spring is an understatement.  Weeks is batting .125 with just five hits, two RBI, and TWENTY strike outs.  He is also struggling in the field where he has committed a team high five errors.  What worries me the most: even though it’s spring you can see the frustration on Weeks’ face.  He looks tense, worried, and beat down every time he comes to the dugout.  Weeks jammed his finger stealing a base over the weekend and will have a few days off to recuperate both physically and mentally.  I don’t want to get too down on Weeks for this reason.  Last spring, while covering Pirates camp, catcher Ronny Paulino was hitting anything and everything out of the ball park.  It was assumed he would be a great power hitting catcher for the Bucs.  Not quite…Paulino finished with 11 home runs in 2007 for the Pirates.  I’m not 100% sure, but he may have matched that total in March.

THE INTANGIBLE

This team is made up of guys who are more than teammates.  After spending the last five years with a team that knew nothing but losing, it was a breath of fresh air to witness guys having fun from start to finish.  Yes, it is just spring training, but you can’t fake camaraderie.  I noticed it while working the Brewers Winter Warm Up in January and this group of players are friends as well as co-workers.  Why does that matter?  Because in August when the team or a player is in a slump, but still in the race, the last thing you need is finger pointing.  You need guys around that will pick each other up and do whatever they can to end the losing or the rough stretch at the plate.  Most importantly, you need a group of players who believe in the team and in each other.  Baseball is the most individual of all the team sports, but that doesn’t take away the fact that they still win and lose as a group.  The clear cut leaders on the Brewers are Prince Fielder and Mike Cameron.  Both of these guys have infectious personalities that clearly rub off on everyone around them.  Cameron, despite the fact that he has to sit for 25 games, has made an immediate impact on his teammates and it is obvious how much they like having him around.  It was fun to watch the dugout ‘shenanigans’ of Cameron, Prince, and the rest of the guys.  (Catcher Jason Kendall isn’t as vocal, but the guy is a work horse and that is not going unnoticed either.)

By Paul M. Banks

 

Building a Winning and Boring Tradition

It’s not Wisconsin’s fault the other teams in the Big Ten can’t score. Look at the conference tournament that just concluded as exhibit A. The tenacious defense the Badgers play is part of the reason why, but the grind-it-out, run-the-shot-clock-down-before- before missing a shot style of play is now spreading through the entire league. Maybe Wisconsin’s style and winning ways are making them a trendsetter. They did win a national title in 1941, and some say that’s the era that Big Ten basketball has regressed to. The Badgers went in a tournament drought from 1947 to 1994. That year, they were led by Michael Finley and Devin Harris, who are the only two former Badgers in the NBA you’ve ever heard of. (The jury is still out on Alando Tucker.) Under Bo Ryan Wisconsin is 7 for 7 in making the tournament. He has seven 20 win seasons. In the previous 103 years of Wisconsin basketball, they had 7 total NCAA  appearances and just four 20 win seasons. This is not a program with a rich and deep history. It is a program that has surged ahead recently and is building a new tradition under a coach whose stock is soaring right now! The football program has risen in the last couple decades in a similar fashion. They didn’t even win a bowl game in their program history until 1982. However, they went to three Rose Bowls in the 90s.

 

Bo Ryan’s resume.

  -2002 and 2003 Big Ten Coach of the Year
  -2007 Rupp Cup as National Coach of the Year
  -Best conference winning percentage in Big Ten history (minimum five years coached)
  -Eight NCAA Tournament victories are most in school history
  -All-time winningest coach in Division III history, garnering four national titles
Last season, the Badgers had arguably their best season in school history accomplishing:

-School record for wins, Big Ten wins
-First time ranked #1 in school history
-#2 tournament seed, highest in school history
-Won a program record 17 in a row
-Alando Tucker became the school career and single season scoring leader

 
 

I like to include a link to the fight song with all these road trip write-ups, but in order to keep it fresh, you have to include some unorthodox clips, here’s an electric guitar version of “On Wisconsin.”

On my visit to the Kohl Center, Dave and I had media credentials to an 10 point Wisconsin win. However, at this Illini-Badger game I did win some beer. Before tip-off, I informed TSB #2 David K. that Illinois is dead last in the conference and probably somewhere around 310th or so nationally in free throw shooting at 59% for the season. I said they would shoot better than this at the charity stripe for the game. With just 1:56 to play, things were looking good for Dave as Illinois was just 4 of 8 foul shooting for the game. Then freshman Illini guard Demetri McCamey hit two foul shots to put the Illini at exactly 60%, 6-10 for the night. Victory for Banks! A 1% win is a win nonetheless! I think we are the only two dorks to ever gamble on a team’s foul shooting percentage.

Mad Love to Give: Madison’s Civic Culture

When mentioning Madison, forward thinking publications like The Isthmus, The Progressive, and everyone’s favorite news source, The Onion, the godfather of great satirical journalism come to mind. Yes, this isthmus, located in between Lake Mendota and Lake Minona, with its over 200 parks is quite a wonderful place. It also produced one of my favorite alt-rock bands, Garbage. You might recall them from the mid to late 90s as they were fronted by a sexy red-haired Irish lass. The coolest thing about that band was how you could casually refer to them. “Yes, I do listen to that garbage.” “Its total garbage, the music is pure garbage.” Fun times. Stephen Colbert often mentions a progressive talk show host who attacks him. This fake character lives and works in Madison. The biggest sports bar for football game pre and post festivities is “The Stadium.” The “Nitty Gritty” is the main bar of choice for basketball.

Erin Go Brah! My meeting with Erin Andrews

For a week in January, I was known to my friends as “the guy who met Erin Andrews.” It was like that episode of the 80sitcom “Married…With Children” where they visit a backwater Florida town with one attraction, “the man who met Andy Griffith.” In Will Leitch’s “God Save the Fan,” he has a glossary of media professionals. Part of the Erin Andrews definition says, “Usually assigned to linger around big ten student sections and pose for pictures which are later photo-shopped into various sexual scenarios. Responsible for 35% of all masturbation fantasies in the states of Wisconsin, Michigan and Iowa.” Yeah, that sounds pretty accurate to me. Andrews is generally regarded to be the most attractive woman currently in sports journalism; but unless one experiences the tour de force that is her combination of knowledge, charm and beauty in person, one cannot truly comprehend what the Erin Andrews barnstorming tour is all about. In 2008, she went from attractive sideline reporter to rock star-esque force of nature. Even I admit it’s gotten a little out of hand now. She’s gorgeous and really good at her job, but she’s not the sexiest woman alive. That honor has been decided, and it belongs to the girl in the yellow top and plaid skirt in the video for Blur’s “Country House.” (clip below)
 

Yes, I could have just said Nicole from the Pussy Cat Dolls or someone else that you might have heard of, but I decided to just go obscure with my reference.

Schmooze Fest

The Grateful Red started a loud “Erin Andrews clap-clap-clap-clap-clap” chant. She is so well received everywhere she goes, that her ESPN teammates, Steve Lavin and Brent Musburgher make jokes about it. “She’s bigger than Elvis,” Musburgher said while wearing his Indiana Jones hat. “We’re just here to hold her bags for her,” Coach  Lav said. (Yes, that’s the 8th ever Lavin reference on the Sports Bank, get ready for more to come soon.) Before I met Andrews, Steve Lavin introduced me to Musburgher in a way that subtly and (actually quite smoothly) forced me to mention the Fulbright grant in journalism that I was awarded. And that my friends, is yet another example of why Steve Lavin is the best schmoozer out of anyone I know. Musburgher is a legend, one of the most accomplished individuals in the field of journalism that I have ever met. So I was very happy that my friend introduced me to Musburgher by mentioning the biggest accomplishment of my journalism career. This is the type of schmoozing that would make even Bill Clinton proud.

You may wonder how Erin Andrews, who is quite young, about two months younger than myself, got to where she is today. Read this Chicago Tribune interview, conducted by Teddy Greenstein, my Facebook ‘friend’ who once had me over at his house a couple years ago (since we’re talking about schmoozing and connections….)

http://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports/college/chi-09-rowoutlouderinmar09,1,4752339.story

Andrews says plainly that she got into sports reporting because her dad was a television news reporter. And I prefer to hear honesty like this from people in jobs that everyone in the world wants. I’d much rather a high profile person speak plainly about their nepotism and connections getting them in the door instead of spouting off BS about how they made it by simply working hard and just being that much more talented. I’m fine with that. The issue brought up next in the interview troubles me more. Someone once wrote on a discussion thread that Andrews “needs a nose job.” That’s the problem of the internet and its anonymous opinions. I propose a new rule: anyone like nose job guy or any retard calling a famous smoking hot chica, “a 6 out of 10 at best” or something else along those lines should also be made to post pictures of his girlfriend or wife when making such statements. That way we can see what his standards are and point out his hypocrisy…if the man making the post does indeed have any. Obviously, my rule would significantly reduce the number of posts made in this vein.

What I actually said to Erin Andrews was pretty banal and blah, and it also made me the subject of ridicule by David K. the rest of the night. Of course, Dave’s idea that I should have said, “Hey, congratulations on winning the Playboy Sexiest Sportscaster poll” would have made me look anything BUT original. And this comes from a man who showed off his “sexy sandal tan” to an Illini cheerleader on the sidelines of Memorial Stadium. I’m sure Andrews would have been very impressed by that.

On deck: Milwaukee Bucks
In the Hole: Orlando Magic

 

I dont know if that bag and hairspray are photoshopped into this pic or not, and if they were..I dont find that funny

By David K.

The Draw

The past three seasons, Marquette has been one and done in the post-season.  In 2005, it was an opening round loss to Western Michigan in the NIT, followed up by first round defeats at the hands of Alabama and Michigan State in the NCAA Tournament.  For the past few months, we’ve heard how this year’s Golden Eagles are different.  They have grown.  They are more mature, and ready to make some serious noise in March.  Come Thursday, we will find out if that is indeed the truth, or just another figment of our imagination that will end in more disappointment.

MU ended up where I expected them to, as a six seed with a favorable first round match-up against 11th seeded Kentucky.  It was a tale of two halves for the Wildcats this season.  After starting the season 7-9, Ashley Judd’s boys won 11 of their final fourteen games to secure one of the final at-large bids in the field of 65. 

Since stud freshman power forward Patrick Patterson went down with a season-ending stress fracture in his left foot, the Wildcats are 2-2, including a first round SEC Tournament loss to eventual champion Georgia.   With Patterson in street clothes, Kentucky does not go very deep on their bench.  Only seven players see significant minutes which serves as an advantage to a Marquette team with a steady rotation of ten guys that love to run and play pressure defense.  I’ve been preaching it all season, if MU can keep the tempo of the game to their liking, running at every chance possible, they should be able to get out of the first round of the tournament for the first time since their Final Four run in 2003.

The bulk of the Wildcats’ scoring comes from the guard duo of Joe Crawford and Ramel Bradley who average a little more than 33 points per game.  If one of these guys has an off-day, I really like Marquette’s chances of advancing. 

 

Waiting in the Wings

ESPN.com’s bracketology correctly projected Marquette’s potential second round game with Stanford.  I let out a four-letter curse word when I saw this prediction become a reality because I think the Harvard of the West is a bad draw for the Golden Eagles, and not just because it will ultimately be a road contest. (the venue is Anaheim) 

Assuming Stanford beats Cornell in the battle of the brains, the second round game will come down to our guards versus their bigs.  The Cardinal rely on the inside play of the seven-foot Lopez twins, Brook and Robin.  Brook is the one with the less goofy hair. But he much more skill on the offensive end than Robin and he is a sure fire lottery pick in this year’s NBA Draft.  Both of those trees patrol the paint on defense meaning Marquette’s guard heavy line-up will have to rely on their outside shooting which we all know has been hit-or-miss all season.  I’ll say it again, RUN, RUN, RUN.  Transition basketball at every possible moment will be a key if they want to live to see another weekend of the Big Dance.  If MU’s inside players get into early foul trouble which has been a problem against bigger, more physical players, Tom Crean and company could be in for a long day of playing catch-up.

The biggest question heading into the greatest weekend of the year is which Marquette team will show up.  If it’s the Golden Eagles that played the first half of the Big East Tournament games versus Seton Hall or Pitt, or the Dominic James that shot a woeful 3 of 16 on Saturday, then we have “early exit” written all over us.  If MU can string together a series of games like they did at the end of February when they won five straight in convincing fashion, then a repeat of 2003 is not outside the realm of possibility.  But that is why it is called March Madness.  Anything can happen.  Any team can catch fire.  Here are my predictions for this weekend:

First Round:
Marquette 76, Kentucky 62

Second Round
(Homer David) Marquette 63, Stanford 59
(Journalistic David) Stanford 68, Marquette 61

By Paul M. Banks

When University of Wisconsin extra-curricular activities are discussed, two things quickly come to mind: a party town with a passion for sports and a bastion of liberal thought/activism. In other words, my vision of UTOPIA!  The University located in Madison, Wisconsin was ranked the #1 college sports town in 2003 by Sports Illustrated and the #1 party school by Princeton Review in 2005. And at a “football school,” their basketball team is 99-6 at home during the past six years under Coach Bo Ryan. The Kohl Center may just be the hardest place for an opponent to win in all of college basketball. Wisconsin has a 135-18 record there since the facility opened in 1998. The city of Madison itself is an open-minded, free-spirited and forward thinking community. No geographic area should be allowed to have that much going for it all at the same time. That’s just not fair. It’s like the famous, rich, and supermodel dating New England Patriots QB Tom Brady if he were a campus and town instead of a person.

 

 Pregame introductions
“State Street that great street:” Campus Culture
 
I was a huge fan of the vegan restaurants and vegetarian friendly cuisine found within campus town. They’re easy to find; look for any establishment with a hippy sounding name like “sunshine” or “moonbeam” café. State street is the main thoroughfare of campus town and it runs all the way through to the Capitol building. Much of it is shut down for automobiles, making it even more eco-friendly. The “Grateful Red” is a clever name for a student cheering section, drawing upon the city’s reputation for “rebelling against conformos man!” The 2,051 student season ticket holder section was created in 2002-03 and is just about impossible to get into. I wonder what’s up with that weird clapping-and-changing-positions-while-still-standing-thing that Badger fans do. This ritual takes place while the band plays a slower and more melodramatic version of their fight song. This song manifests itself as a hybrid of “On Wisconsin” and Strauss’s “Thus Spake Zarathustrah.” (theme from Stanley Kubrick’s ’2001′) To me all that dancing around, clapping and stuff seems like way too much work, and I think Badger nation is just trying way too hard to be creative and distinctive. I get tired from just looking at it. So for a group of supposed hippies wearing tied-eye, they are much more dynamic than the typical hippy stereotype. The average attendance at the Kohl Center has been in the top ten nationally every year since 1999. It is almost always in the top three of the Big Ten.

The Wisco Dance Team practicing about three hours prior to tip-off

One interesting custom of Wisconsinites is their religious devotion to tailgating. Supposedly, both tailgating and homecoming were invented at the University of Illinois, but residents of the badger state seem to think that they do it much better. They take it very seriously in every Wisconsin city at every single Wisconsin sporting event. There is an unofficial set of rules for tailgating too. And trust me if you violate their interpretation of the tailgating protocol, you will hear about it.  And it’s a good thing that their fans do their tailgating; with a lot of adult beverages. It’s mandatory given the boring, slow, and low scoring style of basketball they play.
 

Ambien…in Basketball Form

The Badgers are usually quite effective yet very bland and dull with a horrendously yawn-inducing game plan. Both Dick Bennett’s and Bo Ryan’s teams have been college basketball’s answer to Ambien. Their swing offense and their defensive schemes give us a result similar to the old Mike Fratello Cleveland Cavaliers “stall-ball.” Maybe sometime I’ll tell you how I really feel about watching their basketball team! The Badgers do win with it…in the regular season quite a bit, in the tournament not so much. The hellacious defense they play forces their opponents to score even fewer points than they do. The lowest scoring Big Ten tournament game in history featured Wisconsin, of course, and occurred on Friday as Bucky beat Michigan 51-34. In 1999, the Badgers scored fewer points in their tournament game (a first round 32-43 loss to SW Missouri St. in the first round) than the football team did in the Rose Bowl that same year! During the Michigan State University title run in 2000, I really got sick of having to see Wisconsin and their hypnotically slow paced on both ends of the floor team.  The fourth meeting of the season occurred in the Final Four. The national semifinal game matched the stall ball style of Badger ball against MSU resulting in a halftime score of 19-17. As Homer Simpson would say: “BORRRRRRING!” With three minutes to go in the national semifinal game, the Badgers had garnered a whopping 29 points. To their credit though, they did hold MSU’s “Flintstones” to just 2 of 16 combined shooting in the first half. Losing four times to the same team almost never happens; there’s hardly ever a chance to play a team four times in the same season. One team beating another three times in the same season is pretty rare itself. Five years later, Wisconsin would face Illinois in the Big Ten conference tournament title game and shoot just 25%; on their way to 41 total points for the title game. You get the point. If you ever hear someone describe Wisconsin basketball as flashy, sexy or riveting, check their medication. They’ve probably been using the same substances that the Grateful Dead were known for using.

By Paul M. Banks

The nerve-wracking, oh-so-close, but still ultimately futile Illinois Big Ten conference tournament run is over. You knew from the start that it was going to be a huge long shot for Illinois to get that automatic bid. They inspired and excited us, maybe even got a few of us in Illination to rock out to Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believing;’ but the odds were certainly against them as they faced the nation’s 8th ranked team on Sunday. The defeat broke a school record for losses in a season set in 1998-99. But is also ended a March where the Illini finished 5-2, compared to 11-17 the rest of the season. This year was ‘98-‘99 all over again; right down to the improbable run as a low seed in the Big Ten tournament. Back then Illinois started their 20 game win streak over Minnesota (longest of any Big 10 team over another) with a 67-64 triumph over the #23 ranked Gophers in the first round. Then they smashed the #17 ranked Indiana Hoosiers 82-66 in the second round and squeaked past #11 Ohio State (a Final Four team that season) 79-77 in the semis.

The famous run, largely made possible to the sharp shooting of the ‘Memphis Showboat,’ Cory Bradford (remember him? 5th leading scorer in Illinois history, guy with the NCAA record 88 game streak with at least one trey) ended at the hands of #2 Michigan State (another Final Four team that year) in the conference tournament final game. If you followed the Big Ten tournament at all this past weekend, you’ll notice the eerie similarities. Demetri McCamey did his best Bradford impersonation, going 6 for 6 from distance in the quarterfinal victory over Purdue. The margin of defeat in the title game was almost identical to nine years ago as well.  

Here’s the bright spot: in the following year, ’99-’00, Illinois resolved their point guard issues and made it back to the NCAAs with a 23 win and  final AP national ranking of #21 season. The current Illini team suffered the same adversity as the ’99 squad because it recruited complete morons with judgment issues to play the two-guard spot, and off-the-court problems screwed things up badly for Illinois at that position. Problems with discipline from similar idiots caused comparable distress at the one for Illinois in 1999. Luckily, the shooting guard position is already resolved for next season, so I expect things to return to normal. Missing the tournament is abnormal in Champaign. 

The Big Ten Tournament: lllinois’ House.

The Illini have a record of 21-9 in the Big Ten tournament, the next closest team in wins has 13. They’ve advanced to the semis in every year of the tournament’s existence other than ’06. They won the whole thing in ’05 and ’03, and lost in the title game in ’99, ’00, ’04, and ’08. In honor of St.Patrick’s day, I quote Braveheart (yeah, I know it’s about a Scotland-England war, not Ireland, but that crazy Irish guy: “IT’S MY ISLAND!!!” and his group of Gaelic warriors were key to the film’s plot, so it’s close enough) during this weekend, the Illini “fought like warrior-poets” because one man defending his homeland is stronger than 10,000 hired soldiers. The Fighting Illini finally learned how to actually shoot free throws in their wins over Penn State and Minnesota. Illinois overcame 25 turnovers and 40% foul shooting to beat #17 Purdue in Indianapolis, by far their best win of the season. In the title game on Sunday, Illinois’ horrible shooting percentage was largely due to shots that were missed short- a sign of tired legs refusing to get proper lift and adequate follow through in jump shots. Fatigue had finally caught up to Illinois and not even junior swingman Calvin Brock’s phenomenal vertical leap could save them. We know all about Brock’s sensational ‘ups’ because Billy Packer mentioned it 37 times during the telecast of the title game. 
 

Death, Taxes and Illinois over Minnesota in basketball.

To say that Illinois owns the Minnesota Golden Gophers in basketball is a huge understatement. On Saturday they won the hardest game to watch in college basketball history, a game made more excruciating by numerous commercial breaks prolonging it. ‘Tubby Time’ seems to expire when playing the orange and blue. I broke out the media guide to find that the last Minnesota win of the series occurred on Feb 8th, 1999 as the #18 Golden Gophers beat UI in Minneapolis 75-63. (Pete and Andy, I hope you’re reading on) This 20 game streak has now stretched into 4 different arenas/cities and two time zones. Even in 1997, the year that Minnesota had the only #1 seed and Final Four appearance in school history, Illinois (a 22 win, second round exit team) beat them in Champaign and lost in the Twin Cities by just one point in the closing seconds.
 

It’s morning, not mourning in Champaign

Right before the dawn, it always gets pitch black. I would say that losing at home to Penn St., Miami of Ohio and Tennessee St. is pretty dark. However, this is still a basketball school! Illinois has more wins and a higher winning percentage all time than any other school without a national championship. Indiana is the only school in the Big Ten ahead of Illinois in all-time tournament appearances, tournament wins, and All-Americans. We’re only three years removed from the season in which we tied the national record for wins in a season with 37. Have there been some disasters off the court? Absolutely. Has Bruce Weber flubbed in recruiting and shot himself in the foot? Certainly. However, his hire of assistant coach Jerrance Howard has already fixed that problem. Kentucky de-commit Alex Legion is one of the highest rated players at his position (the position where Illinois is most badly in need of added depth) in his class. He’ll be eligible for conference play next year. A week ago, Illinois signed junior college forward Dominique Keller. Both additions were largely due to Howard’s recruiting efforts. What’s most amazing about the ’98-’99 season, is how that final conference tournament run –despite the fact that it came up just short of the ultimate goal- gives me much fonder memories of that season than my feelings toward the campaign were at the time. History will repeat itself here again.

As St. Patrick’s Day rolls around again I find myself wondering: why do we Hibernians even celebrate this holiday anymore?

 

I mean, are we supposed to be celebrating St. Patrick, who drove the snakes from Eire, but brought us a new plague of Catholicism instead? No more snakebites, but guilt, damnation and 1,000 years of bad sex! Who wouldn’t have the snakes back again, and our vibrant pagan culture of physical enjoyment, painting our faces blue and talking to trees instead of that awful newfangled cult of Christianity? Let me find a couple of wild, red-haired colleens and we’ll get all sky-blue together and reverse that mistake…

-OK, you can go out and drink yourself peloothered on St. Patty’s. Well fine, and how does that differ from any other day for us? And since when did I require your permission, boyo?

-Bono. If we ignore him, will he shut his gob and go away? (I know he has nothing to do with the holiday, but it is Irish and I can’t stand him.)

-Must I root for Notre Dame, for the Red Sox, Boston College, the Celtics, the Patriots!?!? Begorra! That would be harder to swallow than an Irish car bomb and harder to sit through than Riverdance.

-Must we accept the fake Irish who try to “pass” for a day? You know who you are. Do you honestly think that wearing green, drinking a Guinness and singing “O Danny Boy” qualifies you? On the other hand, do any of you South Side Celts even know who James Joyce is? Or Master W.B. Yeats? Or Samuel Beckett? Or Flann O’Brien? Or Brian Boru? Shame on you for forgetting our bards and ancient kings! May Queen Maive curse you all on the Hill of Tara!

Finally, there’s nothing to celebrate for being the biggest bunch of belligerent, know-nothings of all the races on the planet. Except for all the others, that is. When it comes to the accursed generations of man, we are all tied for last place. Now that’s a club I can drink to, and you’re all members of that one t’be sure, so show us the bottoms of your glasses and let’s sing: “When Irish eyes are smiling…” or “The Body of an American” a Pogues tune featured on HBO’s THE WIRE (it recently completed its final episode and many consider it the best show on television) which features a certain hard drinking Irish detective McNulty.

By Paul M. Banks, Peter Christian, Quentin

It’s Championship week: for some, hopes will inevitably be dashed and hearts will imminently be broken as numerous college basketball seasons will end. Next week during March Madness, expect more of the same. For many, emotional devastation is inevitable. Perfect time for our TSB panel to reflect on the worst sports days of our lives. 

I don’t mean to take anything away from fans of teams who are perennial losers. All in all my teams have at least been good enough over the past decade to be involved in some very big games. However, it seems that here in Minnesota we have to deal with more heartache along the entire sports spectrum than any other sports hub in the nation. The five worst sporting events of my life are as follows (in inverse order):

5. August 1, 2001
When my dad told me to get out of bed before six in the morning, I knew something was wrong. The night before we had briefly discussed that Korey Stringer was brought to the hospital for dehydration, but then hearing that he died from heat stroke crushed me. The Vikings had just gone to the NFC Championship for the 2nd time in less than five years but suddenly the team’s chances went to hell without “Big K.”

4. March 2, 2005
The day the Vikings traded the most talented player ever to wear the uniform will always haunt me. From the moment during his rookie season that Moss torched the Packers at Lambeau to his faux mooning of the fans, I loved every minute of Randy Moss as a Viking. To this day I still think Moss’ ability is amazing and is totally worth every single one of his notable “antics.”

3. April 15, 1993
Thanks to the scum of the scum of the earth (Norm Green) the North Stars played their final game as the Minnesota North Stars. The following fall, the team was to be relocated to Dallas with the word “North” being dropped from their name.  After the announcement was made earlier that spring, every home game featured thousands of fans in a unison chant of “NORM GREEN SUCKS” which still echoes around the Mall of America to this day.

2. March 6, 2006
On the previous day, the Twin Cities news was all about Kirby Puckett’s massive life threatening stroke. All day long it was expected that he would pass, but there was no announcement even through the 6 o’clock news. Then that evening as my family had sat down at my parent’s house to watch “24,” a crawl started on the bottom of the screen and immediately I knew. The face of Minnesota sports during my youth had passed away. My heart still hurts thinking about that day.

1. January 17, 1999
I don’t think I’d ever felt like I was going to throw up for 14 consecutive days before the 1998 season’s NFC Championship game. The Vikings dominated the game and had three different opportunities to seal it in the 4th quarter (most notably Gary Anderson missing his first FG attempt of the season that would have made it a two score game with two minutes to play). Instead the Falcons tied the game and Denny Green made the call to take a knee instead of trying to go for the winning drive with 49 seconds left. In overtime…you know the rest. Two weeks later, in what should have been the most exciting Super Bowl in history, the Falcons laid an egg against the Broncos.

Honorable Mention: July 31st, 2007
The man that effectively replaced Kirby Puckett (Kevin Garnett) as the face of Minnesota sports is traded in a deal that guarantees the Timberwolves will not be in the play-offs until the next decade. Thanks Kevin McHale, you’re awful at your job.

-Peter Christian

5. Tie 1984 NLCS Padres eliminate Cubs, 2003 NLCS Marlins bounce Cubbies.
Yes, I’m a White Sox fan, but the drama of the collapse and the poetic method of their demise still haunts me. As a six year old in ’84, I cried. As an employee of a Cubs newspaper in ’03, the Bartman game hurt…quite a bit. The game 7 loss just seemed like an inevitability because I felt the Cubs were essentially done after game 6.

4. Super Bowl 42.
The whole nation was rooting against my Patriots. This ‘Humble Pie’ tastes like crap. This game was anything but ‘Belichickian’ in its final result. Two contributors from this site, The Soxman (who always roots against the empire) and Professor B. (a Giants fan) were exceedingly happy in the result. They can both kiss my a$$! This wound is still a bit fresh.

3. 1994, #2 Penn State 35, #24 Illinois 31.
Simeon Rice and the nation’s best defense had an undefeated team in a 28-7 whole at home on a late November evening. With under a minute to go, PSU QB Kerry Collins had to start a drive with the nation’s best offense from his own 4 yard line. Let us not speak of what happened next. A couple people have told me that I look like Kerry Collins. Those people have been dismissed from my social circle.

2. The 2005 National Title game UNC 74, ILL 70
I really don’t feel like writing about this now.  

1. Seattle Mariners eliminate White Sox in 2000 ALDS
Whenever I get down about anything, I just to try remember what I’ve endured and overcome. Then I take measure of what I’ve gained since then. This day was bad for one of my sports teams, but it also came at one of the roughest points of my life. I associate my first battle with Hodgkin’s disease, (the same lymphatic cancer that Mario Lemieux had) with the 2000 White Sox because I remember feeling too weak to get off the couch when they went on the 7-0 road trip through Cleveland and New York. I watched every inning of the first three games; then on the fourth day I was properly diagnosed. Because of a couple previous misdiagnoses, the disease was pretty far along. It was during this road trip that I learned the awful truth.

I attended game one of the 2000 ALDS with a nasty fever, (I hope my oncologist doesn’t read this) my fever spiked even higher for game 2 the next day, and my parents had to physically restrain me (wasn’t hard given how I felt then) to give up my ticket. Both were Sox losses. I was so weak that I fell asleep on the couch watching the third game in Seattle, but my pet Bastet, a kitten my sister gave me after I was released from the hospital, jumped up and awakened me so I could see the miserable final inning when the Mariners sent the Sox packing. Somehow the animals know!

Chemo put my lymphoma in remission and I was clear and healthy for two years. Then I had to fight the monstrous disease again in 2003. Through much more rigorous treatments and rehabilitation, the disease was put in remission and I recovered. After being clear for four years, the doctors decided in November of ’07 that they’re not even going to bother with my annual check ups!  That’s how confident they feel in my triumph. The Sox had their own victorious conquest too between then and now…you might remember the 2005 World Series! However, on this October day in 2000, you would have a hard time convincing me that I would ever feel joy like I did on October 26th 2005 and November 9th, 2007. Of course, the penthouse suite of life wouldn’t feel so sweet and luxurious, if you haven’t done your time in the basement.
–Paul M. Banks

5. May 19, 1995 – Orlando Magic eliminate the Bulls from the playoffs (shortly after Jordan came back)
It doesn’t feel as personal as these others do today, but I still remember the disappointment. I guess what happened the next three years dulled the pain a bit. 

4. March 1, 2008 – Georgetown at Marquette
Certainly hurts more b/c it’s recent, but going in I was 100% sure Marquette was going to win this game and I had been waiting for it all season. It was memorable for plenty of reasons, like the overwhelming din in the Bradley Center as Jonathan Wallace hit 3 straight free throws to tie it or the roof nearly getting blown off on Dwight Burke’s put-back dunk. But it ended in disbelief as Marquette failed to even get off a shot down two with 9.5 seconds left in OT.

3. February 15, 2003 – Louisville at Marquette
At some point late in this game, I braggingly said something like “Reece Gaines!? What’s he done today??!!” to a friend because Marquette had held him relatively in check. That friend hasn’t ever let me forget it: Gaines hit a long 3-pointer with 5 seconds left to win it 73-70 for Louisville. And my wife wonders why I’m so superstitious about jinxing my teams…

2. October 15, 2003 – Cubs vs. Marlins (Game 7 of the NLCS)
When Kerry Wood gave up 3 first inning runs, I told everyone he’d make up for it. When he homered in the second to tie the game, the bar exploded and I felt responsible. Sadly, I didn’t make any claims about what might happen later. 

1. April 5, 2003 – Marquette vs Kansas (Final Four, national semifinal)
What was probably the worst sports day of my life, also doubled as one of the best. The buses from Milwaukee dropped us off near Bourbon Street with a few hours to spare before the games started. Dozens of friends convened at a bar hundreds of miles from home and we felt like we owned the city. A torrential downpour hit just before we were set to leave for the SuperDome, there were no cabs and we ended up running the few miles to the game in the rain. That didn’t hamper our excitement, but Kansas soon did. It was over before it felt like it had even started. A few weeks later, we graduated and girls started throwing around that “Don’t be sad because it’s over, smile because it happened” quote. It took some time and I’ll never be “happy” with the result, but I have to admit the truth in that. Nonetheless, it was the most emotionally involved I’ve ever been with a team, making the loss hurt all the more.

–Quentin

By Paul M. Banks

 

Hopefully, when you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day and March Madness this week you won’t have to cheat death as I did during the one March 17th that I spent at Michigan State University. When I think of everything that occurred in just one evening, it truly seems a bit surreal. The fact that I can recall the details so vividly 8 years later probably speaks volumes about my level of sobriety that evening. The day began innocently enough as I awoke to watching my #4 seeded Illinois Fighting Illini defeat Michael Jordan’s (no, not that Michael Jordan) #13 seeded Pennsylvania Quakers team. I waited until about 2pm to start drinking that day. Most of my program-mates started imbibing at nine or ten in the morning; what a lightweight I am! I decided to actually get a couple meals down by the time many people had already started throwing their consumption up. I met my classmates at the campus bar and the group included the alluring Christine, a very attractive, but very married young lady in my program who was always flirtatious with me. And a couple inches taller than me which was definitely a turn on! She got married by the time she finished high school to an unattractive, unintelligent auto worker guy who was even more unimpressive in person than how I just described him in that sentence. So she was definitely punching way below her weight in her marriage.

She didn’t come out with the group much, but within a couple of hours she had persuaded me to both dance and make out with her. I don’t recall her doing much asking or cajoling; it just kind of happened, but I regard the next series of events to be a manifestation of bad karma. In addition to the Midwestern small town values with which I was brought up, the following series of horrid events are another reason why I never fool around with married women, no matter how aggressive they are, no matter how miserable and lifeless they may be in their dull, loveless marriages. It’s their problem, not mine. I never saw Christine during the last 6 weeks of the semester. And our potential tryst was cut short because I actually got kicked out of the MSU campus bar (Rick’s American, one of the wilder ones) for doing nothing. I am not joking or making this up. The one time I’ve been kicked out of a bar (or well anywhere for that matter) in my life I was doing nothing. I was doing nothing but sitting quietly at a table. The bouncers and managers told me I had to go because I looked “dangerously inebriated.” This was total bullshit, so I put up an argument and asked them to explain themselves. Apparently, a lot of bars do this on St. Patrick’s Day and Rick’s does this quite often every Friday and Saturday night. There must be something about the way my eyes glaze over too quickly or glaze over too much because my collegiate friends use to give me shit about this all the time. Especially when we watched reruns of Saturday Night Live with sketches that featured Jim Breuer. He’s the comedian always typecast into that post frat-boy partier role because of his natural look; even when he’s sober. I’ve been out on the town with Soxman’s real life alter ego, David K., and Sarah Spain, and I’ve noticed how all three SportsBankers mistakenly react to me as if they think I’m WAY over-served. They make the same mistake that the staff of Rick’s made. Then I made a horrible mistake myself. I accepted a ride from a classmate, who seemed fine to drive at the time.

PSA

He was not ok to drive. The ride home turned into a little detour. My program-mate decided to drive into a closed forest preserve in Meridian Township then go along a wooded trail inside the forest. The off-road adventure ended up with a crash into a big ditch. I actually got a bit of whiplash from it, but I was essentially unharmed. Two Okemos police cars had been trailing us and then came racing in. I was never so happy to see the cops in my life! They immediately arrested and took my classmate into Ingham County lockup. I was happy to be alive…but little did I know that my true battle with mortality was only three months away. (My first diagnosis of Hodgkin’s Disease would occur that June, but that’s definitely a whole ‘nother story)  The drunk driver later told me that he remembered nothing at all from this evening. Scary thought! The cops told me I may have to testify for the state, but that day never came. The cops took me to safety…sort of. They dropped me at a Meijer supermarket in Okemos and then told me I was on my own. They mumbled something about jurisdiction or something, but whatever the reason was…they made it clear that they would get me out of harm’s way, but nowhere near my East Lansing campus home. Huh? What? Que? Luckily, working that night was a sort of nerdier-version-of-Allyson-Hannigan-looking high school girl who was getting off her shift soon. She had seen me in there before and took me home after I waited for about 45 minutes. That time flew by carelessly because she had told me right away that I was going to have a way home. When I finally got back to my apartment, a neighbor of mine, with whom I never had a previous conversation, knocked on my door and really wanted to talk to me. He even tapped on the window and said, “I know you’re home, I just want to talk to you.” “Just come out and talk.” He certainly chose the wrong time and place for a little fireside chat. Good luck with that buddy. To this day, I never had that conversation and I have no clue what he wanted. But it was irrelevant compared to the fact that this Spartan, who had just nearly met his Thermopylae, had escaped to fight another day.

In summation, please THINK WHEN YOU DRINK THIS ST. PATRICK’S DAY and EVERY DAY AND NIGHT FOR THAT MATTER. And it’s not just you, when you designate a driver, BE VIGILANT IN THAT DRIVER’S ALCOHOLIC CONSUMPTION! This is not a drill!