Kurt Wermers thinks scholars are “the wrong crowd”

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By H. Jose Bosch

Hmmmm. Seems like someone probably wishes he had a reset button for his life. On Monday ESPN.com reported that Kurt Wermers, the offensive lineman afraid of mixing with the wrong crowd, was in fact the wrong crowd.

Sources within the program confirmed that Wermers was academically ineligible when he transferred to Ball State. In case you forgot, this is what Wermers said on the way out the door:

“I really didn’t get along with the new coaches. They were bringing in a lot of different kids that were not my kind of crowd. Coach (Lloyd) Carr’s staff was a whole different ballgame. It was like a family. But when Rodriguez came in, it was a whole different feeling. It was more of a business. I figured I’d get out while I could.”

I guess it should come as no surprise the kid was academically ineligible.

Michigan prides itself on its academic superiority but I met some of the athletes during my undergrad years and not all of them slept with Kant under their pillows. To be ineligible you practically have to try.

Now we here at The Sports Bank do more than make fun of college athletes with serious decision-making flaws. We also do some investigative reporting. I’ve managed to find the University’s letter to Wermers informing him of his ineligibility. It reads as follows:

Dear Mr. Wermers,

We regret to in form you that … oh, who are we kidding. Based on your grades you clearly haven’t spent time reading anything the University gives you.

We’d blab on and on about wanting to still be friends and hoping there are no hard feelings but we’re pretty certain you already threw this letter into the garbage. We just hope you don’t do anything stupid like making vague criticisms of the football program on your way out the door. Man that would suck. Are we still talking to ourselves in this letter?

Well, good luck Mr. Wermers in all your future endeavors. You will be missed. Unless you decide to burn all your bridges. Then you’re just asking to be criticized.

Sincerely,
placeholder_lifeatmichigan

The University of Michigan

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Comments

  1. paulmbanks says

    This guy seems like kind of a knob…or just an overgrown frat boy. go toclass now way dude! PARTY!!! WHERE’S THE BONG, BROHAM?

  2. Peter Christian says

    No way! This kid is a spoiled brat that couldn’t handle it when there wasn’t someone there to coddle him and when he wasn’t getting all the attention. He didn’t fit in with the frat boys because he only drinks Zima’s and couldn’t land a girlfriend because he was too busy playing Halo on his XBox 360 against some 12 year old from Newport News, VA (random location) because he has an inferiority complex that he can only satisfy by trash talking tweeners. I could be wrong, but I have a 97% success rate and nailing the personalities/background of these types right on.

  3. H. Jose Bosch says

    But Pete, tell us how you really feel.

    Also, is anyone else disappointed that Newport News’ daily paper isn’t called The Newport News? I mean, that should be a no brainer.

  4. paulmbanks says

    Pete, you should have been a psychologist

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    to your host? I wish my site loaded up as quickly as yours lol

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