Let’s get this party started.
We continue the series with the Minnesota Vikings season preview.
Minnesota Vikings Season Preview Overview:
How many Vikings season previews can you get through before you grow tired of “sinking ship” and “vessel taking on water” metaphors/references?
I’ll try not to be too obnoxious with these analogies as the Vikes begin 2014 with a new Captain, EX-O (Executive Officer) and CPO (Chief Petty Officer). It’s good that there’s regime change in Minnesota- it was very much needed.
When your defense is a train wreck (see I easily could have said “ship wreck” there) and your quarterback position is to passing the football what Amy Schumer is to telling G Rated jokes, you’re not going to win very much. Hence the broad sweeping reforms.
Minnesota Vikings Season Preview Offense:
Christian Steele should be third string. Yes, I called him that on purpose because he should take the surname of Samantha Steele, not vice versa. Because she’s a zillion times better at what she does for a living than he is. I bet you she wears the pants in that family:
“Now get back into the kitchen and make a sandwich!” she probably tells him.
Cassel will start, until “Pro ready Teddy” is in fact ready. We’ll see how Dr. Strangeglove does in the starting role by….I’m guessing mid October.
Seriously, the last time a glove got that much press, it was worn by Michael Jackson. Norv Turner takes over the offense. He’s not good at what he does, but he keeps getting work anyway. And trust me being bad at coaching runs in his family (see Ron Turner). Norv is hired again for some reason, just like Seth Rogen is not funny, but he keeps getting the lead parts in comedies.
Life is weird.
At least Turner will make Petersen less of a focal point. And thank goodness for that Vikings fans! There’s only so much mileage you can put on him before he starts declining. That downhill slide may actually be closer to starting than you think it is. On another note, getting Stanford OL David Yankey in the 5th round was probably THE STEAL of the draft.
Minnesota Vikings Season Preview Defense:
The Williams Wall has now officially been torn down for good, sadly. Just like the Metrodome has now been dismissed. And Jared Allen has moved on to the Chicago Bears. I can’t really say the new blood at the DL is an upgrade though. Everson Griffen got a five year $42 million deal and he started just one game his entire career.
Can you say “buyer’s remorse?”
He is versatile though, and he’s a solid piece.
Not just a cornerstone level player. Anthony Barr could be. I love the fact that he fell all the way to #9- what a deal!
Mike Zimmer brings a defensive mastermind and leadership style that is more hard-liner than Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. I expect lots of yelling and swearing all season long.
And I expect that hard line approach to yield positive results. It literally can’t get worse, as the Vikings were dead last in 2013 in points allowed. The Vikings also have a new Captain, literally. I’m not making yet another bad nautical pun. Cornerback Captain Munnerlyn should upgrade the NFL’s penultimate secondary. Yes, 31st out of 32 teams in passing yards allowed!
Minnesota Vikings Season Preview Special Teams, Odds and Ends:
Their return game is dangerous, and their punter is improving. It will be interesting to see how they adjust to their new home. The Vikings will play in the Minnesota Golden Gophers outdoor facility for the next two years; then their sparkling new billion dollar cathedral in downtown Minneapolis opens.
Minnesota Vikings Season Preview Bottom Line:
Like the most shopworn of all platitudes says, “it all starts with the quarterback.” If Cassel/Bridgewater is serviceable, they should be more competitive. The D will still be bad, but improved. We’ll go with 6-10 or 7-9.
Paul M. Banks owns The Sports Bank.net, an affiliate of Fox Sports and Yahoo! He’s been a guest on news talk shows all across the world. He’s also a special contributor to the Chicago Tribune RedEye edition. Banks has been featured in numerous media outlets including NFL.com, Forbes, Bleacher Report, Deadspin, ESPN, NBC, CBS, the History Channel and more. Follow him on Twitter (@paulmbanks)