CNN’s Rachel Nichols: photos and bio

During the NCAA Tournament, sports are certainly getting their Rachel Nichols fix. Rachel Nichols is with CNN, part of the Turner Sports family which is broadcasting much of the tourney. Sports fans and media consumers everywhere used to joke that every time Brett Favre moved, sneezed, went to the bathroom or even breathed- ESPN’s Rachel Nichols was there. I’m speaking of course about Favre’s three year period in which he retired/unretired 1,298 times and held the media and fan bases of the Green Bay Packers, Minnesota Vikings and New York Jets hostage.

Later the Rachel Nichols joke applies to the soon to be NBA champion Miami Heat.

BTW, isn’t that screen grab above just priceless (photo credit here)

 

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NFL Lockout: The Movie

hollywood-sign-l.a.

The Lockout is OVER!!! Over the past few months, the lockout has provided no shortage of twists, turns and some stuff that Aaron Sorkin and Scott Rudin could easily turn into Hollywood drama (if you doubt that last sentence, I direct your attention to the film “Moneyball” coming to a theater near you in September).

Regardless, arguing the merits of whether a series of events would make a decent movie is not what this post is all about, nor is it what’s fun about creating fake movies. The fun lies in thinking about which actors would play each of the main players.

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VOTE NOW! Anti-Bracket Rachel Nichols Regional

Rachel Nichols

We have a first in The Sports Bank’s Anti-Bracket (formerly known as Douchebracket) history as a team was forced to forfeit their opening round game.  In the end, the bracket almost played out as expected with only one seed crashing the party in the Rachel Nichols Regional.  Now we need your help to cast your cote to see who will represent this regional in the Final Four that also features the Ty Cobb Regional, Kardashian Regional, and Milton Bradley Regional.

By: David Kay
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The Anti-Bracket: Rachel Nichols Regional

rachel nichols espn

The Sports Bank’s third annual Anti-Bracket (formerly known as the Douchebracket) celebrates all that is wrong in the world, most prominently in the sports world.  Four regionals will chosen by an esteemed panel of TSB contributors.  With your input, the field will be narrowed down to a Final Four where our readers will choose the winner of the 2011 Anti-Bracket.

Past winners of the Rachel Nichols Regional include Rachel herself and last year’s winner, Luke Harangody.  Help me figure who will earn that honored distinction this season by leaving a comment below as to who you think needs to advance to the Final Four.

By: David Kay
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Douchbracket National Champion Notre Dame Fans with no School Affiliation

The Paul M. Banks Regional Champions cut down the nets in the Inaugural dbag bracket Final Four

In the douchebracket, as well as in the NCAA tournament, sometimes it’s all about match-ups. How far your team goes or doesn’t go depends on who you draw in your bracket. And in the inaugural douchebracket “Notre Dame fans with no connection to the school” reached that “one shining moment” partially because they got lucky with match-up advantages. It also doesn’t hurt that St. Patrick’s Day coincides with the douchebracket and March Madness.

And this year was an extra special year for Notre Dame on the court as the Irish won the NIT (or so I’ve been told, I can’t say for sure, cuz I really don’t care about the NIT) and 50+ inebriated idiots on Chicago’s South Side acted like drunk buffoons and thugs to the point that they had to be arrested and in consequence frustrating the city into ending the 31 year old institution that was the South Side Irish parade. And you know many of those morons committing those acts were rocking ND colors despite no connection at all to the school.

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It wasn’t an easy road for the ND fans- they had a very tough bracket in the Paul M. Banks Regional, and faced the winner of what was considered the strongest bracket, the Peter Christian regional. That was essentially the true national championship game. Their dramatic come from behind victory over Alex Rodriguez was by the slimmest of margins and wasn’t secured until the closing seconds- it was reminiscent of Illinois’ OT thrilling come from behind win over Arizona in the 2005 Elite 8. This spring, it was hard to imagine anyone beating A-Roid, with his constant stream of negative press, but as Pete pointed out, A-Fraud always crumbles in the clutch. As close as that game was, the title game was the opposite: a rout, a laugher, an 84-16% landslide over Rachel Nichols, the David K. Regional champion, who ran roughshod over her entire bracket and dominated Ronnie Woo Woo in her Final Four game. No one expected her to run out of gas on the biggest stage after owning the competition for so long. Perhaps she should look into blinking once in awhile. Maybe her eyes weren’t sufficiently hydrated and that kept from performing at the highest level.

In closing, I just want to thank everyone who voted for the ND Fans in my bracket, as well as everyone who commented on all articles posted within the inaugural bracket of sports douchitude. This was a big success and I look forward to doing it again next year. (I call Digger Phelps, Nick Saban, and Sports bars with bathroom attendants)  This is a nice little complement to my Michigan State Spartans reaching the National Title game and my procuring the 3rd and final “in-the-money” position in my pool. (Of course, gambling is illegal, and that’s for novelty purposes only) With the exception of 2000 (MSU wins national title) and 2005 (Illinois, MSU reach Final Four) this has been the best March Madness ever! Thank you and we’ll see you in the 2010 Douchebracket!

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Dbag Bracket Finals, Vote Early Vote Often

Rachel Nichols vs. Notre Dame Fans with no connection to the school

It’s the final countdown! This is Chicago so vote early, vote often for the national championship of the inaugural douchebracket. POLLS CLOSE ON SUNDAY APRIL 5TH 10:30 CT!!!!

Our two previous Final Four games were as different as night and day. Rachel Nichols was up by as many as 50 points before the final score was tallied. She more than doubled Ronnie Woo Woo’s percentage- winning 67-33%.

Alex Rodriguez was up by as many 10 for most of the contest, but whittled down the stretch as the non-academically affiliated Notre Dame fans chipped away at the double digit deficit and emerged victorious in final minutes by the SLIMMEST of margins 51-49% The final game should be equally exciting!

Douchebracket Regional Finals Results- David K. Regional

By: David K.

Fifty years from now, when your grandchildren ask you about the all-time greatest performances in Douchebracket history, you will have to mention Rachel Nichols’ run in 2009.  It has been legend… wait for it… legendary!

Sweet 16
#3 Rachel Nichols vs. #7 T-Shirts under basketball jerseys
Despite a spirited effort by Oklahoma’s Tony Crocker and the long sleeve t-shirt he rocks under his jersey, T-Shirts was absolutely no match for Rachel.  Maybe T-Shirts was hypnotized by Rachel’s eyes since she only blinks once every twenty seconds or maybe it was her over-dramatizing every sentence she said like she was a soap opera star.  Whatever is was Rachel came ready to play and it showed in the final score.

#16 Cub fans who blame Steve Bartman vs. #4 Around the Horn
It was a memorable run for the 16 seed Cub fans, but their Cinderella story ended abruptly at the hands of Around the Horn.  Woody Paige’s yelling for no reason and asinine arguments threw Cub fans off their game from the start.  In an absolutely disgusting act that I am sure Jay Mariotti would fully support on the show, Around the Horn showed absolutely no class at the end of the game when host Tony Reali crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it in the face of one of the fans as the clock read zeroes.  Cub fans then camped outside his house the next day waiting for him to emerge from his domicile while sending him death threats, blaming him for being their curse.

Regional Final
#3 Rachel Nichols vs. #4 Around the Horn
You know how when Pittsburgh played Villanova in the Elite 8 this past weekend, it was pretty much a win-win for the Big East Conference seeing as one of their teams was guaranteed to advance to the Final Four.  This is how ESPN felt heading into the match-up.  The biggest difference between the Pitt/Nova game and this showdown was that there was no last second dramatics needed.  Rachel rolled the entire game and then interviewed herself on the court afterwards which led to this awkward sign-off.  “Rachel Nichols told me, Rachel Nichols, that she’s glad she won the game.  And she hopes you vote for me, I mean, I hope you vote for her.  Wait… Whatever.  I’m Rachel Nichols, EEEEEEE SSSSSS PPPPPPPP NNNNNNNNNN.”

Vote in the Dbag Bracket Final Four

Here we go! Polls close at 11pm central on Thursday night. Soon after the title game poll will open. Vote as many times as you like

Douchebracket David K. Regional Semifinals

Welcome to the D-Bag Bracket, a tournament deciding the most insufferable douchebags in all of sports.  The field of 64 has been narrowed down to 16.  To check out the complete David K. Douchebracket Regional, click here.  Feel free to express your opinion on who should advance to the Elite 8 and Final 4 in the comment area at the end of the article.

By: David K.

Regional Semifinal: #16 “Cub fans who blame Steve Bartman” vs. #4 “Around the Horn”

How #16 “Cub fans who blame Steve Bartman” got here: Since we are all about making history here at thesportsbank.net, “Cub fans who blame Steve Bartman” not only becomes the first ever 16 seed to win a tournament game, but also pulls off the second round upset of #8 “Acronym Signs.”  Can you say Cinderella?  For the record, “Brett Favre as a Jet” had a turnover on a terrible, completely unnecessary pass late in the game.

How #4 “Around the Horn” got here: Nobody has had a tougher road to the Regional Semifinals than “Around the Horn.”  After narrowly escaping #13 “National Signing Day” in the first round, #12 “Luke Harangody’s Fadeaway Jump Shot” took “Around the Horn” down to the wire in the second round.  Luckily, Jay Mariotti, Woody Paige, and Jackie MacMullen combined for one hell of an effort and brought their douchness ‘A’ game.

Regional Semifinal: #3 “Rachel Nichols” vs. #7 “T-Shirts under basketball jerseys”

How #3 “Rachel Nichols” got here: “Rachel Nichols” is like the UConn of this year’s NCAA Tournament, just running over their competition in the opening two rounds.  The Huskies won their first two tourney game by a combined 82 points, Rachel Nichols by 87 points.  Her doucheness absolutely destroyed Mel Kiper Jr. in the first round and then easily took down the upset minded #11 “Fans who yell ‘GET IN THE HOLE’ after a long drive or iron shot.”  Rachel clearly saved her best ball for the end of the season, just like any good team does.

How #7 “T-Shirts under basketball jerseys” got here: In a tightly contested opener, “T-Shirts” got a questionable call that looked like a flop to save their game against #10 “The Amount of Charges called in College Basketball.”  Then in a Christian Laettner, Tyus Edney, Bryce Drew type thriller, “T-Shirts” pulled off the second round upset of #2 “That Guy” in Fantasy Football, in a match-up that will go down as one of the greatest Douchebracket games of all time.  All the credit goes to Oklahoma’s Tony Crocker, whose long-sleeve t-shirt under his jersey hit the half-court heave at the buzzer to win the game.

DoucheBracket David K. Regional

Welcome to the d-bag bracket, a tournament deciding the most insufferable douchebags in all of sports. Please feel free to comment as much as possible, because your feedback will help determine who advances to the Final Four.
This is the bracket compiled by site Vice President David K.

1. Brett Favre as a Jet- This is not a shot at Favre himself, more a stab at how the entire Favre-Packers saga went down last summer.  This past year NEEDS to be permanently erased from my mind.

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16. Cubs fans who blame Steve Bartman-
How about blaming Alex Gonzalez for his crucial error that allowed the flood gates to open instead of some poor guy who happened to try and catch a foul ball that was coming straight at him, just like the twenty people sitting around him?
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8. “Acronym Signs”- Especially with TV Station Acronyms like ESPN, ABC, FOX.  Here’s one for you “Everyone Sucks and is Penned uNoriginal”  It especially chaps my ass when one of the letters is in the middle of the word like I have the ‘n.’

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9. “Priceless Signs”- This piece of cardboard? 75 cents.  My friend’s face paint? $3  Never having to see one of these overdone signs ever again? Priceless

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4. Around the Horn- Jay Mariotti… Woody Paige… Jackie MacMullen… screaming, yelling, talking over each other, not being funny, not having relative arguments… Tell me when to stop….

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13. National Signing Day- Maybe it’s just because I am not a college football guy, but didn’t we know this guy was signing with our team when he verbally committed nine months ago?

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5. Luke Harangody- Awkward, Doofus, Frankenstein, Baby are all words that come to mind when I think of Harangody.

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12. Luke Harandgody’s fadeaway jump shot- As a person who appreciates the pure aspects of college basketball, Harandgody’s jump shot is the worst thing I have seen since Manute Bol.
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3. Rachel Nichols- “After the game, Brett Favre told me… “  No he didn’t you short, non-blinking, over-acting, I only have this job because Diane Sawyer is my mother-in-law pathetic excuse for a sportscaster.  He told all of us during the press conference, not just you.

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14. Mel Kiper Jr.- It is about more than just the ridiculous hair.  Has Mel ever admitted to being wrong about something?  No.  I would love to see Todd McShay pimp slap him sometime.

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6. Fans who don’t take their hats off/are disrespectful during the National Anthem- It definitely is more annoying when it’s an adult, but shut your trap, put your cell phone away, take your hat off, and stand still for two minutes before the game begins.  It’s really not asking that much.

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11. Fans who yell, “GET IN THE HOLE” after a drive or long iron shot- Hey, that was hilarious buddy… 15 years ago when the 7,429th guy did it.
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7. T-Shirts under Basketball Jerseys- Why?  Seriously?  What are you, eight years old?  Don’t even get me started on the tight-fitting muscle tee’s under the jersey.

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10. The Amount of Charges in College Basketball– I’ll allow my friend Quentin to speak on the matter: “Referees seem to have fallen so in love with the emphatic offensive foul call (buoyed by rambunctious home crowds that respond joyously to it) that whenever they see a defensive player flying backwards, the call is automatic to the point where I no longer even know what is or is not a true foul. The most egregious: two players are running side-by-side 30-feet from the basket, the defensive guy steps in front of the offensive player a half-step early, what gives him anymore right to that space than the man with the ball?”

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2. “That Guy” in Fantasy Football- You know “That Guy”.  “That guy” who wants to tell you about how each of his player’s on his four teams did Monday morning at work.  “That guy” who has nothing else to talk to you about from the months of August-December other than fantasy football.  “That guy” who asks you every Friday who he should start.  I despise “That Guy.”

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15. The two weeks leading up to the Super Bowl- Is it really necessary to add an extra week of hype to already the most over-hyped event of every year?  As if I need any more reasons NOT to watch SportsCenter.