The Week in Review Late March

“SEND IT IN- BIG FELLA”

By Paul M. Banks

-Wow! Last week, I missed compiling a Week in Review for the first time in the site’s year history; obviously I was crazy busy (this phrase translates into “wicked busy” in New England English) for that to happen. I’ll recap a lot of what kept me so occupied, and remember it was my Christmas Eve and Christmas Day- otherwise known as the first two days of the NCAA tournament. In honor of March Madness, I’m going to end each item with a catchphrase of our favorite b-ball announcer Bill Raftery.

-On the first day of March Madness I gave a presentation entitled “Sports Media in the Post-newspaper Landscape” at Roosevelt University on Michigan Avenue. It was part of the Scholastic Press Association’s Annual Conference. I was up against some heavy hitters (As Kanye says “really heavy hitters, 87 go-getters, two hoes like John Ritter”) from Fox, CBS, the Trib etc. in my time slot, so I was I really proud to have a full house in my room. And thank you Lisa for making that awesome power-point presentation that dazzled everyone………“ELEVATED!…..with the KISS of the glass”

-I also took part in my first ever parade on the 14th, marching with Da Bus Chicago Bears Football Club. I’ll let Da Bus founder Tim Shanley describe the experience.

“WHAT A DAY!!! A sun-splashed, blue sky day that had temps close to 50 degrees brought out a large festive crowd of over 400,000 people to celebrate the 54th downtown St. Patrick’s Day Parade on Saturday March 14th 2009. Da Bus and it’s crew are celebrating 20 years of tailgating in ’09, and this was the perfect way to kick-off the year long festivities. From the time that Da Bus lined up as float number 36, practically front row, you knew it was going to be a special day. Da Bus, and its crew, marching down Columbus Drive in front of 400,000 people, is a surreal experience in itself. The crowd was loud and enthusiastic and it was hard to hear someone from just a few feet away.

As we strolled past the ABC7 Chicago television camera perched about 20 feet above Columbus Drive, the camera scanned our entire crew, and it also zoomed in and stayed focused on Da Bus. The easiest way to find this video is to google abc7chicago and click on the video link. Scroll down and click on the St.Patrick’s Day Parade, Part 2. Scroll back to the top of the video page. Put your pointer on the video screen to be able to see the time-line.The video is 19.24 minutes long, and Da Bus and its crew come on at the 18.15 minute mark. That is a great download for those of you who were there to celebrate with us, and to get seen on television right in the middle of a huge event taking place in the heart of Chicago.”


-Look for the detailed story behind Da Bus and my interview with founder Tim Shanley as we get closer to the NFL Draft……………….”ONIONS!!!”

-On Saturday my “Tom H to tha Izzo interview/Michigan St. preview was featured on Ball Hype (still not too late to “hype it up” by clicking on the link Tonight the Jayhawks will “see hoop dreams deflate like the true feen’s weight”

-It’s no secret that the “Bracket of Bad” from 670 The Score’s Boers and Bernstein show helped inspire TSB’s “Douchebracket.” In their bracket, “People who use Blue tooth while not driving” was the champion, beating out such noteworthy competitors as Sarah Palin, David Spade’s TV shows, and books by coaches. My pick though would have been Chicago potholes.

-Seriously, every time I drive anywhere in this city it’s like playing a game of Frogger to avoid the giant craters that are EVERYWHERE! Even in the rich, white neighborhoods. I’ve lost two tires in the past nine months due to how shitty the streets are and how undeniably broke this city is. And we want to host the Olympics? HA HA HA!…………”Earl CLARK BARRRR!”

Are you kidding me? I know our 2016 bid was a joke even before a crazy winter created swiss cheese streets to complement the do nothing public transit system, but now I expect us to finish 4th out of the 4 bid cities!…….”

-I have another new and emotional heckler for my work on NBC. Thank you “Jimmy” You helped my Hawks-Sharks preview become the most viewed and 2nd most commented story of the day on NBC Chicago.com’s sports page. Why don’t you come over here and start criticizing the posts. Peter Christian would love to see you in the comment threads.

-Yes, we all got sick of ESPN reminding us that President Barack Obama filled out a bracket- and then we got sick of how bad his bracket is doing. But Coach K. had to voice his complaint about Obama filling one out. I’m sure the Duke leader’s issues/concerns have nothing at all to do with the fact that Coach K. uses state-money to hold Republican fundraisers where he espouses his ultra-right demagoguery. Or with the way he used Team USA basketball as a tool to promote American military hegemony…Nice job in the Nova game too!………“SCOTTIE on the MONEY!!!”

-How come everyone they showed on TV representing VCU during their first round loss to UCLA was…how can I put this delicately? Disgusting white trash? Even their cheerleaders looked nasty with too much spray tanning action and big hair like they just tried out to be in a Bon Jovi video.

-On the flip side, the cameras sure loved those hotties by the Utah state bench! Good lord I was sort of half-hoping the Aggies could eliminate Marquette so we could see more overtly gratuitous shots of those gorgeous blonde mormons as the tournament progressed. SHORRRT-Y! (that’s not a Raffteryism by the way)

-I know both of these Big Ten ballers have seen their teams eliminated from the postseason (Ohio State and Penn State) but it’s still not too late to recap the “text message of the week” from Paul Schmidt

“Take it to the hole, big man” starring Dallas Lauderdale and Tailor Battle. True, it will have more penetration than any movie in history…….”And Schmidt comes out- in the MANTMAN!”

-By the way, did I mention there’s no way in hell our city’s getting the Olympics in 2016?

-Remember in 2006 when Ozzie guillen called A-Rod a hypocrite? Well in Oz’s words “now I look like genius.” As if we needed any more reason to doubt A-Roid’s integrity, he was caught with his pants down with Eliot Spitzer’s madam.

-Yahoo! the web’s fourth highest page in traffic has a news section that is a PATHETIC JOKE! Actually, it makes pathetic jokes look like Walter Cronkite. Here are some of the month’s featured news stories it deemed most important by placing in the prime location on their homepage: Katie Holmes gets a new haircut, Danica Patrick’s tattoo airbrushed out of a picture, Rachael Ray not apologizing for FHM spread she did 6 years ago. I’m considering dropping Yahoo mail, so I can bypass this worthless excuse of a “news” page altogether. You’re dead to me!

-Last week everyone was talking about Comedy Central’s The Daily Show: specifically the episode where Jim Cramer of CNBC’s Mad Money received a harsh dressing down from host Jon Stewart. Despite how the interview was marketed, this was not a “feud,” this was a coming-to-Jesus moment for Cramer and an Edward R. Murrow confronting Joseph McCarthy type moment for Stewart. The interview reminded me of a line in “Goodfellas.” The main character, played by Ray Liotta, laments after his guy gets whacked at a time they thought he was getting made: “there’s nothing we could do. He was a made guy, we had to just take it.” Cramer did as well.

Read more about these last two topics at the Washington Times here…….“CARROTS!”

-It’s no surprise that the Chicago Luvabulls got bounced (and lost very badly at that) in the first round of the NBA.com Dance team bracket. Looking at that group I can obviously tell that they were assembled by someone who is definitely not attracted to women…..”the ball was humming my friends”

-This march madness really brought out the country music lyrics in all of us. Watching Illinois I thought to myself “Pour me something strong and tall make it hurricane before I go insane,” A couple days later Marquette and their promising season were dismissed so at least I knew that “I got friends in low places where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases my out blues away- and I’ll be ok”……..”ATTACKING the TIN!”

-I know I’ve moved this segment around a lot, and I’ve been told by some that it’s their favorite bit. I think it’s found a new home on late Thu/early Friday. If you enjoyed this segment then…..“Send it on Jerome!”