Former Chicago Cubs pitcher and current front office professional Ryan Dempster did a very fine job hosting/MCing day one of the 2015 Chicago Cubs Convention. This year, the first day had just two events: the opening ceremonies and “Late Night with Ryan Dempster.”
It was modeled after the old “Late Night with David Letterman” talk show (much more reminiscent of Letterman’s NBC days than his CBS tenure), and Dempster did himself say that Letterman was his role model for doing this three hour show.
Dempster had a lot of expectations to live up to given that his act was the sole focus of Cubs Convention day one.
The Canadian pitcher-turned-front-office-guy-doubling-as-a-jokester killed a lot more than he bombed, and his opening monologue had a very edgy (especially by Cubs Convention standards) joke about Randy Johnson’s penis.
“The Big Unit,” Dempster said.
“It’s not enough that you had to be the best pitcher of a generation, but you also had to have a nickname that let us know how well you’re doing from the waste down.”
“As if the name Randy Johnson wasn’t suggestive enough,” Dempster quipped further.
Pretty funny!
Especially when you consider the arch-conservative atmosphere of a Major League Baseball fan convention. With the exception of NASCAR, MLB is our nation’s most socially conservative sports league. It was doubly bold of Dempster to run the gag around 7:40 p.m. CST, instead of closer to 10:30, when his “show” was scheduled to conclude.
“The Big Unit” has always been a phrase ripe for obvious schlong jokes. However, until tonight I never realized that the name Randy Johnson itself is brims with phallic symbolism.
Think about it, “randy” is a synonym for horny and “johnson” is a synonym for….let’s move on…
Theo and Jed, or Jed and Theo if you will, were the first “guests” of Dempster’s on his show, and their entrance music was Bill Withers’ “Just the Two of Us.”
Very clever, and quite apt, but since the Cubs already went that route, why not go “all in” and use this song when they appear?
I guess “Guy Love” from the sitcom “Scrubs” is still a bit too obscure.
The best part of Dempster’s performance is that he made sparse usage of his Harry Caray impersonation. Dempster’s lampoon of Caray is spot on, but that bit has been beaten to death for numerous years already.
Dempster also effectively and humorously delivered a Letterman style top ten list.
That’s not easy; as it’s a bit which is very hit-or-miss. The Joe Maddon tampering joke was the best part.
Here is your full list of Cubs Convention attendees. And at this link you’ll find your schedule listing out all Cubs Convention events. Enjoy!
Oh and here’s our collection of Cubs Convention day one nuggets and tidbits.
Paul M. Banks owns, operates and writes The Sports Bank.net, which is partnered with Fox Sports, Yardbarker Network, eBay, Google News, and CBS Interactive Inc.
You can read Banks’ feature stories in the Chicago Tribune RedEye edition and listen to him on KOZN 1620 The Zone. Follow him on Twitter (@paulmbanks)