Tim Tebow is Actually not God or Jesus


By Paul M. Banks

This is how most of the media “cover” Florida QB Tim Tebow

1 First Tim Tebow made heaven & earth 2 The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of Tim Tebow was moving over the face of the waters. 3 And Tim Tebow said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. 4 And Tim Tebow saw that the light was good; and Tim Tebow separated the light from the darkness…And Tim Tebow saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day. Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. 2 And on the seventh day Tim Tebow finished his work which he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had done.tebowcreation

So maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But no college athlete in the history of sports has had the entire press roll over as lapdogs for him.  All Tebow needs to do is exist and everyone acts like hysterical 1960s teenage girls seeing The Beatles in public.

Television, radio, the internet, newspapers etc. have told us that he is Superman, God, Jesus, or simply what happens when someone artificially (or perhaps immaculately) makes a child with from the raw material of Jesus, God and Superman. And it’s impossible not to refer to him in biblical terms because Tebow cites the Lord and God numerous times in just about every interview he does. I don’t have a problem with Tebow being a devoted Christian; to each his or her own. But the pious evangelical Christianity that he, the media, and the PR people at UF flaunt at every opportunity (like his trips abroad to circumsize the penises of the unwashed) is probably why he’s escaped a critical eye from so many college football experts. To criticize Tebow is to literally be deemed blasphemous.

Yes, we know he’s not like every other college kid. In that he skipped the beach, boobies and beer-induced debauchery of spring break to instead help Third World people shed the epitome of sin that is the foreskin. And that’s quite noble that he choose to do that, but we don’t to be told about his “greatness” a million times a week.

In all seriousness:

-The mainstream media made a national story out of the fact that he wasn’t a unanimous all-conference preseason selection. It wasn’t enough that he was all-conference, in order to not provoke a vengeful God, he had to be picked by everybody.

-They took a freaking Tebow postgame quote and made it into a plaque for goodness sake.

-A journalist actually asked him at an SEC media day, “Why are you special?” Seriously, whoever did that needs their credentials forever revoked NOW.

-ESPN’s Chris Fowler said after the LSU game last month, “I know some people out there are having Tim Tebow fatigue…” I got excited that there was finally going to be some balance, but no Fowler reverted to typical Eastern Seaboard Programming Network form, which is literally calling him Superman on air.

-Jim Rome once said on his show “we are all better people for having heard him speak.”

-Former Super Bowl Head Coach Tony Dungy said he thinks Tim Tebow will be a “franchise quarterback in the NFL”, and that anyone who has the chance to draft him #1 overall should do just that. There are plenty of experts saying his skills will not translate to the next level and he will become a NFL star.

We are now all dumber for having heard Dungy say that. It’s a good thing for NFL GMs that none have to deal with Dungy screwing up their organization.


I’ll admit that he’s a very good college football player, but it makes me nauseous that I’ve had to spend the past four college football seasons hearing about it. Yes, he wins championships and awards, but he also spends a great deal of time on the field yelling foolishly and acting like a complete moron. Yet people claim he’s such a good leader. Maybe because they could believe he’s yelling “Onward, Christian soldiers!” to his teammates. Because it’s Tebow, this behavior is deemed “fiery” and “energetic.” If it were anyone else, the antics would be cast in a pejorative light.

After this season, Tebow will be nothing more than a glorified Chase Daniel. In the 2010s and 2020s, he could be remembered as the Sarah Palin of college football, a flash-in-the-pan who was essentially much ado about nothing. A lot of fire and brimstone; unsubstantiated.

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