Media’s Dire need for Tim Tebow to Succeed

tebow-broncos

The case of St. Tim Tebow is an interesting one. The media blatantly and obviously want him to succeed professionally. And I can’t think of any other case that comes even remotely close. If he doesn’t make it in the NFL, the mainstream football media will probably collectively commit suicide. I asked an expert on the topic, Clay Travis, if he could recall any other athlete who had the media acting as a de facto PR agent on their behalf.

By Paul M. Banks

Travis, who authored a chapter entitled “Tim Tebow is God” in his book “Dixieland Delight,” had this to say:

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Douchebracket Banks Regional Finals

digger phelps cheerleader

By Paul M. Banks

Remember to comment in the threads below, because your feedback will help determine who advances to play for the douchebag national title.

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Douchebracket Banks Regional

By Paul M. Banks

It’s that time of year again! The 2nd annual douchebracket; which is exactly what it sounds like, a tournament of douchitude. In last year’s inaugural event, my regional finalist, “Notre Dame fans with no genuine school affiliation” routed Rachel Nichols in the title game. The earlier rounds were much more exciting as Alex Rodriguez out-lasted his agent, Scott Boras in the finals of Peter’s regional and then had the ND fans on the ropes until A-Rod choked away the national semi-final.  The Notre Dame fans were aided by 1.) this tourney coincides with St. Patrick’s Day 2.) Chicago’s Southside Irish parade got so unruly last year that the event was indefinitely terminated. In the other semifinal, Rachel Nichols routed Ronnie Woo Woo.

#1 Tim Tebow Media Coverage vs. #16 Joe Francis

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Jacksonville fans don’t want Tebow

tim tebow

By Paul M. Banks

No prospective 3rd-6th round NFL Draft pick has been as publicized or as scrutinized as ex-Florida QB Tim Tebow. From Senior Day to the Combine to his own personal workouts, no other potential NFL Draft pick as received even a miniscule fraction of the coverage that Tebow has. And certainly no player projected to be as drafted as low as Tebow received even 1/1,000,000 of the publicity that Tebow has inspired. And it all makes perfect sense given that no college athlete in history has garnered the unconditional love from the media that Tebow has.

But all that positive publicity still hasn’t sold the  Jacksonville Jaguars ticket-buying fanbase.

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Tim Tebow’s Re-training Won’t Help His Draft Stock

By Paul M. Banks

Recently, St. Tim Tebow (the mainstream media has officially canonized him) began work to completely revolutionize his throwing delivery. So you know what that means? For the first time in football history, one guy working out by himself for the NFL draft will get incessant media coverage. If you only follow this story, you can gather everything you need to know about his NFL Draft stock this April. (And if you read the ESPN story I linked to you’ll see yet another example of how bad ESPN and CBS’ man-crush on him truly is)

The very fact that he’s attempting to undo so many habits that he’s had his whole life in football tells you he’s not ready for the next level, and he certainly knows it. The fact that we (and everyone else in the football world) is talking about this also exemplifies why he’ll be drafted; somewhere.

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2010 NFL Mock Draft 11-9

nfl_draft

By Paul M. Banks and Peter Christian

Our draft order is based on how we predict the final NFL standings might will look. Team needs have been taken into account for this draft. And of course, this is all highly subject to change between now and late April. Especially the draft order. By now you’ve probably heard that former Super Bowl Head Coach Tony Dungy said he thinks Tim Tebow will be a “franchise quarterback in the NFL”, and that anyone who has the chance to draft him #1 overall should do just that. We are now all dumber for having heard Dungy say that. It’s a good thing for NFL GMs that none have to deal with Dungy screwing up their organization.

Team                             Player               Position     School

1. St. Louis Rams  Ndamukong Suh   DT      Nebraska

Suh is an expert at winning his battle at the line of scrimmage and causes disruption in the backfield constantly. He is an every down defensive tackle due to his dual ability to stuff the run or crash the pocket.

2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers Russell Okung  OT  Oklahoma State

Russell Okung is as good a left tackle you will find in all of college football. He has the fundamental base of a franchise tackle to go with his physical skills. Okung also gets praised by pretty much everyone for his intelligence as well. His time spent at T. Boone Pickens University will serve him well.

3. Cleveland Browns    Eric Berry      S      Tennessee

If you don’t know who Eric Berry is, look him up. He could be the heir apparent to Ed Reed as the elite defensive playmaker in the NFL. And if there’s one thing Cleveland needs, it’s defensive plays. And offensive plays, and special teams plays and….

4. Kansas City Chiefs Trent Williams        OT        Oklahoma

The Okung or Williams debate over who is the better choice at offensive tackle is one where there really isn’t a loser. Trent Williams, like Okung, has good feet, strong hands and the talent to become elite in the NFL.

5. Oakland Raiders Gerald McCoy      DT             Oklahoma

McCoy is a pillar of strength that can dominate from the center of the field. He is very agile for a guy just shy of 300 pounds and will be a combine favorite. It’s always interesting to see teammates go back-to-back in the high picks of the 1st round. Makes you wonder why the Sooners couldn’t beat Florida in the title game.

6. Jacksonville Jaguars Jake Locker     QB      Washington

Rumors were previously circulating that said the Jags might take Tim Tebow, partially as a quasi-publicity stunt to help sell more tickets. Why not take a QB with actual pro potential instead? Locker’s draft stock has shot up with his solid play this season for the Huskies. Even if his team’s overall record is anything but solid. I expect things will come down by draft time but he’s raised enough eyebrows to maintain his status as a potential number one pick.

7. San Francisco 49ers (From Carolina) Jimmy Clausen QB Notre Dame

Remember when Clausen was being recruited out of high school, and his game was rumored to “bigger than Jesus”? (I’m sorry, bigger than Tim Tebow)  All the tools college scouts raved about then (arm strength, accuracy, pocket poise, ability to read defenses) are being raved about again, this time by pro scouts

clausen-emu

8. Tennessee Titans Greg Hardy   DE          Ole Miss

Greg Hardy may be the purest sack artist in the draft. He has a lethal combination of speed and power that he mixes up to get to the quarterback. Hardy also has a sort of “Overdrive” that he shifts into once he smells a possible sack.

9. Buffalo Bills  Sam Bradford QB Oklahoma

Trent Edwards is obviously not the answer, not with that 30th ranked passing attack. After season ending surgery, Bradford’s draft stock was, to paraphrase Snoop Dogg “dropping it like its hot,” but it hasn’t fallen as fast as you might think. His body of work still speaks volumes about what he could do on the next level.

10. Detroit Lions Carlos Dunlap DE Florida

Dunlap is one of the biggest reasons Gator opponents have backfield mishaps. He is fast AND strong which will allow him to cause nightmares for opposing tackles for years to come. But because the press is busy kissing Tebow’s a$$ every time the Gators play, he’s a well kept secret.

11. Washington Redskins Charles Brown OT USC

The group of offensive linemen in D.C. right now, aren’t exactly the next incarnation of The Hogs. They’re not even The Hoggettes. And Brown is a people mover that has the benefit of playing in a pro-style offensive scheme that will make the college-to-NFL transition much easier than some.

12. Miami Dolphins Taylor Mays S USC

If you asked a scout to write down their ideal size and speed numbers for an NFL free safety they’d list: 6-3, 235, 4.4. Oddly enough that is Taylor’s height, weight and 40 time on record. Enough said.

13. Green Bay Packers Jonathan Dwyer RB Georgia Tech

Dwyer is an old school workhorse running back. He can run inside and outside and can handle as many carries as the coach gives him. Dwyer’s a big back, but he has good speed as well and can be the muscle of a two back system or handle the lone number one duties as well.

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14. Seattle Seahawks Jahvid Best RB Cal

Best is exactly what is name proclaims at his position. He has very good vision and an even better instinct on when to turn on the jets. He is very good at making defenders miss at every level. He isn’t a bruiser back but if coupled with a versatile offense he has the makings of the next young playmaking running back.

15. Houston Texans Sergio Kindle OLB Texas

Kindle is a versatile linebacker that is an excellent attacker. He takes very good angles to the ball and makes tackles all over the field. Sergio’s mix of energy and instincts allows him to overcome the fact that he is a little slower than coaches would want.

16. Denver Broncos (From Chicago) Dez Bryant Oklahoma State

Did you hear that? It’s the sound of Bryant’s NFL Draft stock falling after his reinstatement attempt failed. I expect him to fall a bit more between now and the spring, but when combine rolls around, he should win some of that interest from scouts back

17. San Francisco 49ers Sean Weatherspoon OLB Missouri

Weatherspoon can play both sides of the field (he’ll end up near the ball anyway) and is always around a big play. Whether he’s rushing the passer, busting up a play in the backfield, breaking up a pass or chasing down a receiver from behind, Weatherspoon can do it all.

18. San Diego Chargers Terence Cody DT Alabama

Cody is a big time anchor guy who could go higher if he stays in good shape throughout the combine and workout process. He is a perfect 3-4 true nose tackle and can really control the flow and direction of a play.

19. New York Jets Brandon LaFell WR LSU

LaFell is a rubber band man when it comes to contorting his body in the air to make the catch. His hands are his biggest asset as he catches the ball softly and away from his body. He needs to improve his route running as he isn’t a super fast runner but as long as he makes catches to bail out his quarterback he’ll be a good NFL player.

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20. Dallas Cowboys Arthur Jones DT Syracuse

Jones’ is a gap filler and is stronger than Atlas. He is in a Pat Williams type run stopper that will be look like a man amongst boys at times. He plays hard on every play and is of the rare breed of football players that will never quit on any play.

21. Atlanta Falcons Rolando McClain LB Alabama

McClain is an amazing tackler in space and can cover a lot of ground from the middle linebacker spot. He’s got great fundamentals and has a knack of shedding blockers to make big tackles.

22. Arizona Cardinals Joe Haden CB Florida

Haden has jumped to the top of the board amongst other corners with solid coverage and ball skills. He makes good reads and adjusts well to the ball when its in the air. And if weren’t for all of the college football media devoting 90% of their coverage to telling us what a model American Tim Tebow is, we’d all be more well aware of these facts.

23. Philadelphia Eagles Brandon Graham DE Michigan

Graham is a big body that plays very well upfield. Scouts will love that he is versatile enough to play the end position in either scheme.

24. New England Patriots Brandon Spikes LB Florida

The Patriots front-seven can use another injection of youth, especially if Adalius Thomas is indeed on his way out, at season’s end. The “incident” if you will that Spikes was involved in will surely send his draft stock-a-tumbling as all the “character issues” will come into play. But if the Bill Belichick regime can make model citizens of miscreants like Randy Moss and HGHers like Rodney Harrison, they can easily get Spikes into line.

25. New York Giants Jermaine Gresham TE Oklahoma

Gresham is an elite pass catching tight end. He can run a perfect seam route or he can cover a lot of space over the middle. He needs to work on his blocking but he should be a touchdown machine with his hands, size and route running skills.

26. Baltimore Ravens Arrelious Benn WR Illinoiscj_spiller

To cite the film Wedding Crashers: “Crab cakes and football, that’s what Maryland DOES!” And the Ravens will help bring the D.C. area native home once he formally decides to skip his senior season. And why would he not? with the clusterf@%k going on in Champaign, the Illini coaching staff has ruined his draft stock enough already for him to stick around another year.

27. Cincinnati Bengals CJ Spiller RB Clemson

Spiller’s a fast runner built on a solid frame. His outside running game and ability to catch the ball out of the backfield is where he’ll make his mark, but he’s not afraid to go right at a defender. A little extra muscle and being able to show his durability will help Spiller’s stock go up.

28. Pittsburgh Steelers Jermaine Cunningham DE Florida

Cunningham isn’t as explosive as his teammate Carlos Dunlap but he is more reliable on a play by play basis. He gets to the quarterback with regularity and makes a lot of tackles in the run game as well.

29. Minnesota Vikings Patrick Robinson CB Florida State

Robinson is a super fast coverage man that is above average in nearly every aspect of the game. He anticipates routes but isn’t a huge risk taker and tackles well in the open field. He is also a very good return man.

30. Seattle Seahawks (From Denver) Jon Asamoah G Illinois

Obviously, the University of Illinois has had a very challenging season, even with the copious amount of talent on offense, but what might actually surprise some is that the top rated player by position, according to ESPN’s NFL draft guru Mel Kiper isn’t Arrelious Benn – it is offensive guard Jon Asamoah. And the Seahawks have got to be realizing that some of their big uglys up front are over the hill or getting there quickly.Asamoah playing

31. New Orleans Saints Trevard Lindley CB Kentucky

Give how potent their O is, NOLA will obviously draft for D this spring. And Lindley is about to put the finishing touches on what could be the best-ever career by a University of Kentucky defensive back.

32. Indianapolis Colts Navorro Bowman LB Penn State

More of a value pick than need. Bowman has spent much of the year ranked the #1 OLB prospect from ESPN.com Finally healthy, he’s been an absolute force down the stretch for PSU, and it’s becoming impossible not to compare him to Lavar Arrington- same school, position, and jersey number. Arrington went on to six Pro Bowls, so that’s quite a complement.

2010 NFL Mock Draft

draftpodium

By Peter Christian

The 2010 NFL Draft is about 6 months away. There is more than half of the NFL season left to play. We still have to wait two and a half months to see a BCS Champion crowned. But the 2010 NFL Draft is about 6 months away. Let’s have some fun. (Draft order is reverse order of Peter Christian and Paul M. Banks NFL power rankings, positional need has been taken into account with each pick)

sam-bradford

#1 St. Louis Rams

Sam Bradford QB Oklahoma

Bradford’s injury status is now behind him and he is still looked upon as a potential great NFL QB. If all things stay static (Rams get the #1 pick overall, Bradford stays healthy) you can pretty much guarantee Bradford will be moving his game about 500 miles North and East up I-44. Rams fans have probably already begun counting down the days (190 to be exact) which they have every right to do.

#2 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Russell Okung OT Oklahoma State

Russell Okung is as good a left tackle you will find in all of college football. He has the fundamental base of a franchise tackle to go with his physical skills. Okung also gets praised by pretty much everyone for his intelligence as well.

#3 Cleveland Browns

Eric Berry S Tennessee

If you don’t know who Eric Berry is, look him up. He could be the heir apparent to Ed Reed as the elite defensive playmaker in the NFL.

spikes

#4 Kansas City Chiefs

Brandon Spikes LB Florida

Tim Tebow gets ALL the hype around the Gators which means Brandon Spikes isn’t quite the household name it should be. He is the best inside linebacker to come out of college since Patrick Willis and will have a similar impact in the NFL.

#5 Oakland Raiders

Ndamukong Suh DT Nebraska

This is pretty much the lowest Suh should go. He is an expert at winning his battle at the line of scrimmage and causes disruption in the backfield constantly. He is an every down defensive tackle due to his dual ability to stuff the run or crash the pocket.

#6 Buffalo Bills

Carlos Dunlap DE Florida

Dunlap is one of the biggest reasons Gator opponents have backfield mishaps. He is fast AND strong which will allow him to cause nightmares for opposing tackles for years to come.

#7 Detroit Lions

Trent Williams OT Oklahoma

The Okung or Williams debate over who is the better choice at offensive tackle is one where there really isn’t a loser. Trent Williams, like Okung, has good feet, strong hands and the talent to become elite in the NFL.

#8 Tennessee Titans

Gerald McCoy DT Oklahoma

McCoy is a pillar of strength that can dominate from the center of the field. He is very agile for a guy just shy of 300 pounds and will be a combine favorite.

tim-tebow_w9b8

#9 Jacksonville Jaguars

Tim Tebow QB Florida

Tebow gets knocked for his throwing shortfalls but he has the leadership market cornered and if there is any player in the draft pool that will work to better themselves, Tebow is it.

#10 San Francisco 49ers (from Carolina)

Jevan Snead QB Ole Miss

Snead’s stock has solidified as a first rounder but a good run through the SEC could determine if he is picked near the top or bottom. He isn’t elusive by any means but his pocket presence and second nature footwork in the pocket makes him a quarterback with a future in the NFL. He has the ability to throw to any spot on the field but his accuracy fails him when he gets lazy.

#11 Washington Redskins

Dez Bryant WR Oklahoma State

Bryant’s body of work is more than enough to impress scouts even with his current eligibility issue. His body control and athleticism is something that has NFL coaches very intrigued. He has battled injury issues, but when he’s on the field he is a force.

#12 Miami Dolphins

Taylor Mays S USC

If you asked a scout to write down their ideal size and speed numbers for an NFL free safety they’d list: 6-3, 235, 4.4. Oddly enough that is Taylor’s height, weight and 40 time on record. Enough said.

#13 Houston Texans

Greg Hardy DE Ole Miss

Greg Hardy may be the purest sack artist in the draft. He has a lethal combination of speed and power that he mixes up to get to the quarterback. Hardy also has a sort of “Overdrive” that he shifts into once he smells a possible sack.

jahvid-best-p11

#14 Seattle Seahawks

Jahvid Best RB California

Best is exactly what is name proclaims at his position. He has very good vision and an even better instinct on when to turn on the jets. He is very good at making defenders miss at every level. He isn’t a bruiser back but if coupled with a versatile offense he has the makings of the next young playmaking running back.

#15 Green Bay Packers

Charles Brown OT USC

Brown is a people mover that has the benefit of playing in a pro-style offensive scheme that will make the college-to-NFL transition much easier than some.

#16 Dallas Cowboys

Terence Cody DT Alabama

Cody is a big time anchor guy who could go higher if he stays in good shape throughout the combine and workout process. He is a perfect 3-4 true nose tackle and can really control the flow and direction of a play.

#17 Arizona Cardinals

Jermaine Gresham TE Oklahoma

Gresham is an elite pass catching tight end. He can run a perfect seam route or he can cover a lot of space over the middle. He needs to work on his blocking but he should be a touchdown machine with his hands, size and route running skills.

#18 Denver Broncos (from Chicago)

Arthur Jones DT Syracuse

Jones’ is a gap filler and is stronger than Atlas. He is in a Pat Williams type run stopper that will be look like a man amongst boys at times. He plays hard on every play and is of the rare breed of football players that will never quit on any play.

dwyer

#19 San Diego Chargers

Jonathan Dwyer RB Georgia Tech

Dwyer is an old school workhorse running back. He can run inside and outside and can handle as many carries as the coach gives him. Dwyer’s a big back, but he has good speed as well and can be the muscle of a two back system or handle the lone number one duties as well.

#20 New England Patriots

Sergio Kindle LB Texas

Kindle is a versatile linebacker that is an excellent attacker. He takes very good angles to the ball and makes tackles all over the field. Sergio’s mix of energy and instincts allows him to overcome the fact that he is a little slower than coaches would want.

#21 San Francisco 49ers

Sean Weatherspoon LB Missouri

Weatherspoon can play both sides of the field (he’ll end up near the ball anyway) and is always around a big play. Whether he’s rushing the passer, busting up a play in the backfield, breaking up a pass or chasing down a receiver from behind, Weatherspoon can do it all.

#22 Atlanta Falcons

CJ Spiller RB Clemson

Spiller’s a fast runner built on a solid frame. His outside running game and ability to catch the ball out of the backfield is where he’ll make his mark, but he’s not afraid to go right at a defender. A little extra muscle and being able to show his durability will help Spiller’s stock go up.

gallsuap

#23 New York Jets

Brandon LaFell WR LSU

LaFell is a rubber band man when it comes to contorting his body in the air to make the catch. His hands are his biggest asset as he catches the ball softly and away from his body. He needs to improve his route running as he isn’t a super fast runner but as long as he makes catches to bail out his quarterback he’ll be a good NFL player.

#24 Cincinnati Bengals

Rolando McClain LB Alabama

McClain is an amazing tackler in space and can cover a lot of ground from the middle linebacker spot. He’s got great fundamentals and has a knack of shedding blockers to make big tackles.

#25 Pittsburgh Steelers

Brandon Graham DE Michigan

Graham is a big body that plays very well upfield. Scouts will love that he is versatile enough to play the end position in either scheme.

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#26 Baltimore Ravens

Arrelious Benn WR Illinois

Benn is the prototype when it comes to the big, athletic receivers. He has the potential to be the first WR off the board if he starts producing or has an amazing combine and workout process.

#27 Seattle Seahawks (from Denver)

Jake Locker QB Washington

Locker’s draft stock has shot up with his solid play this season for the Huskies. I expect things will come down by draft time but he’s raised enough eyebrows to maintain his status as a potential number one pick.

#28 New Orleans Saints

Derrick Morgan DE Georgia Tech

Morgan is a high energy pass rusher with great size. He is an animal off the snap and disrupts plays behind the line of scrimmage with regularity.

#29 Philadelphia Eagles

Jermaine Cunningham DE Florida

Cunningham isn’t as explosive as his teammate Carlos Dunlap but he is more reliable on a play by play basis. He gets to the quarterback with regularity and makes a lot of tackles in the run game as well.

#30 New York Giants

Joe Haden CB Florida

Haden has jumped to the top of the board amongst other corners with solid coverage and ball skills. He makes good reads and adjusts well to the ball when its in the air.

coltmccoyqbs

#31 Minnesota Vikings

Colt McCoy QB Texas

From a mechanics standpoint, McCoy is not quite the best he could be. Yet, he is amazingly accurate and can rifle the ball to almost any location on the field. Though its his playmaking skills that make McCoy an attractive QB to NFL teams in need.

#32 Indianapolis Colts

Patrick Robinson CB Florida State

Robinson is a super fast coverage man that is above average in nearly every aspect of the game. He anticipates routes but isn’t a huge risk taker and tackles well in the open field. He is also a very good return man.

Houston QB Case Keenum for Heisman

case_keenum_vs_air_force_falcons_in_2008

By Paul M. Banks

You know these quarterback names: Colt McCoy, Tim Tebow. Even people who have never been interested in college football have heard of Tebow, or at least they’ve heard the ginormous hype surrounding him. But there’s no ginormous hype surrounding Houston Cougars QB Case Keenum, who’s put up the biggest passing numbers in the nation. Compare these stats:

Keenum
Comp Att % Y Td Int
144 210 69 1696 13 2

3rd nationally for TD passes and Yards, 5th in completion percentage

Tebow
44 68 65 643 6 1

McCoy
103 145 71 1145 9 5

Keenum doesn’t play in a power conference, therefore his team receives little national publicity. However, prior to last Saturday’s 58-41 loss to UTEP (Hey, he doesn’t play defense) his Cougars were ranked #12 in the nation. In 2009, Keenum has victories over another pass-happy program in Texas Tech and also Oklahoma State, ranked 5th at the time. But the buzz that started to gather dissipated last week in the wake of the loss to the unranked Miners. Keenum did his part though, going a ridonkulous 51-76 for 536, 5 TDs, no INTs. “It’s not really a whole lot of fun when you don’t win. You can put up a bunch of stats, but it wasn’t the way we wanted it to turn out,” Keenum said on conference call Tuesday.

Keenum was also asked about the eye-popping stats he and his team have put up so far this year. “We look at a few stats that matter, how we do on 3rd downs and in the red zone. And of course, the Ws, but we don’t really look at those other stats right now. The rest are for the end of the year, when we can reflect,” he responded.keenum

His Cougars are 2-0 against BCS schools this season and will face another opponent of that sort in the SEC’s Mississippi State. It’s yet another opportunity for him to step up as the bright lights shine upon him, perhaps prompting more people to compare him to recent Houston QBs with legendary careers: David Klingler, Andre Ware, Kevin Kolb (a name somehow pronounced Cobb).

“It’s definitely cool and an honor to be mentioned in the same sentence as those guys, I take it not lightly. I know Kevin pretty well. They’ve all done great things and continue to do great things. I appreciate those kind of compliments,” Keenum stated.

Being this is Armed Forces appreciation week in college football I asked Keenum his reflections on playing in the Armed Forces Bowl. “I remember being on the field for the coin toss, and I wasn’t paying attention to who I was shaking hands with, but I saw 4 stars and it was General Petreaus, so it was petty neat to meet a guy like that. It was pretty cool there, the atmosphere, all the different armed forces at the stadium, the events surrounding the game, the different speakers they brought in. And it’s something that there needs to be more of. I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” he articulated.

I followed up by asking his thoughts about comparing football to war. “You always hear “It’s a fight, it’s a battle, it’s a war,” every week and I’ve never really agreed with it, especially in times like now. I don’t think we can really compare what we do to what they do overseas, laying down their lives so that we can do what we do. In football there’s injuries and stuff, and a few people do lose their lives here and there, but it’s nothing like the risks those men and women take. So I don’t like to compare it in that way, because they’re doing something that means so much more,” Keenum responded.

More Coverage? Tebow playing b-ball or Tyler playing Football?

tebowcross1

Point-Counterpoint by H. Jose Bosch and Paul M. Banks

Another week of college football, and you know what that means: another week of the Eastern Seaboard Programming Network whoring Syracuse QB (and former Duke basketball star) Greg Paulus in their coverage. And now that he’s actually won a game (thanks Northwestern secondary, you just had to have your first 2 CBs banged up THAT week, so that Paulus’s wide receivers could make him look good) expect the overexposure to be even worse. hansbrough_bloody

Within this framework, we thought about what might happen if ESPN’s other 2 overwhelmingly favorite college athletes switched sports? What if Tim Tebow played college basketball? What if Tyler Hansbrough played football?

1 First Tim Tebow made heaven & earth 2 The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of Tim Tebow was moving over the face of the waters. 3 And Tim Tebow said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. 4 And Tim Tebow saw that the light was good; and Tim Tebow separated the light from the darkness…And Tim Tebow saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day. Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. 2 And on the seventh day Tim Tebow finished his work which he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had done.

In all seriousness, when I tried to replace God with Tim Tebow the computer asked me why I was replacing a word with the same word. Crazy.

But Tim Tebow can do nothing wrong in the world. To think that Psycho T would get more press than Tebow is crazy. They took a freaking Tebow postgame quote and made it into a plaque for goodness sake. All Tebow needs to do is exist and everyone wets themselves.
tebow-christ2

The biggest difference between the two is that Tebow clearly works hard but looks like an athlete. Hansborough works hard and looks like he has the mental capabilities of a gym sock out there. His style is like that player who tries too hard during a pick up games except he wins national championships and my shots …. er … that player’s shots go over the backboard.

Just accept it Paul, Tim Tebow could quit football right now and he will be considered a bigger success than the two of us…even if we found the cure for cancer; which is Tim Tebow’s tears.

Too bad he doesn’t cry.

(Sorry Chuck Norris, but Tim Tebow tears are much better. In fact, did you know that Chuck Norris looks in the morning every day and thinks to himself, “God, I wish I was Tim Tebow.” To which God replies, “So do I.”)
–HJB

Wow! It’s very tough to respond to that. Hard to argue against the laws of divinity. I always knew That Tim Tebow=Jesus, or that he was this generation’s messiah, but I didn’t know that he was in fact, God himself. Oh wait, Jesus is the son of man, and the human embodiment of God, while also being the son of God. So I guess by transitive property on inequality, Tebow=God. I’m not sure. That part of the Bible, like the rest of the book, is very vague and mysterious to me.
But what does all this make Tyler Hansbrough? Well, he’s hard working. And energetic. And he works really hard expending a lot of energy. And he brings a lot of energy to all the hard work that he does. And he’s extremely competitive in the hard work that he does. Work that he does with tremendous energy. You might have heard that Psycho T “is a tremendous competitor” who “does all the things that don’t show up in the stat sheet,” and he does all these things with “a blue-collar work ethic” and that he’s also hard-working. Blue-collar even.

tylerhansbrough

So if you work a blue-collar job and you’re relaxing from working hard like Tyler Hansbrough, you must by law, (or by God’s will, make that Tim Tebow’s will) love Tyler. There is no other way. His hard work, and energy, must be adored at all times by everyone. Because he’s “what’s right with this game” “what’s right with college basketball” and everything that’s right in America, in the world, in the universe. Tyler Hansbrough’s work ethic is so powerful it’s the karmic polar opposite of strip-mining, child pornography, and clubbing baby seals all rolled into one.

Tyler Hansbrough’s energy and work ethic is to basketball what pictures of kittens and puppies are to being cute. Resistance is futile, If you don’t like Psycho T. you don’t like college basketball, or basketball at all. Or sports, or pizza, or looking at girlie magazines, or even breathing for that matter. Tyler Hansbrough is better, and more important than all these things. If you are not with Hansbrough, than you are with the terrorists. He is to the secular world, what Tebow is to the heavenly.

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So basically HJB, I see your point, but basically you and I are having a debate which is the sports media equivalent of Aristotle and Plato in Raphael’s famous Fresco painting, at the Vatican, “School of Athens”. In the center of the foreground, Plato points down to signal that the answers to life are to be found here on Earth, in the secular realm. Aristotle, points upward to the Heavesn signifying that the answers are to be found in the cosmos. Which is what this debate boils down to. But I win this round for another reason. Psycho T. would be playing America’s Game:football which would get all the headlines. Tebow is playing basketball- which is just not as popular. Sorry. Game. Set. Match.

–PMB

God Might Actually Hate Tim Tebow

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By Paul M. Banks

Perhaps the best compliment one can get is a backlash. Because backlash can only occur when someone or something has become popular enough…to be overexposed and start turning people off. This fall, the Tim Tebow backlash will take off!

From the beginning of my hate-hate relationship with University of Florida QB Tim Tebow, I noticed the supposed chinks in his armor. He was home-schooled throughout high school, but under Florida law was still allowed to play organized ball in the district where he lived, which was also questionable itself because he made a special move to an apartment in Jacksonville in order to play for pass-happy Nease High. So my first impression of the “onward Christian soldiers” QB is that he’s the creepy home-schooled kid who also grew up to be the BMOC at the biggest jock school in the country. That in itself is an interesting story; but not after it’s been told 536, 756 times.

Today, Tebow acolytes have created numerous websites fawning over him. Some claim Tebow is the highest form of biological evolution, but maybe Tebow doesn’t believe in evolution, so who knows if he’d be flattered or not by that comment.  According to Eastern Seaboard Programming Network, and the rest of the mainstream media who have whored him these past three years, the Gators QB is Superman, God, Jesus, or simply what happens when someone artificially (or perhaps immaculately) makes a child with from the raw material of Jesus, God and Superman.tim-tebowscreaming

Of course, even I’ll admit that he’s a very good football player, but it makes me nauseous that I have to spend yet another college football season getting even more sick and tired of hearing about him. Yes he wins championships and awards but he also spends a great deal of time yelling and acting like a moron. Yet people claim he’s such a good leader. That he’s “fiery” and “energetic.”

He’s simply football Tyler Hansbrough. Part of the reason he has all those records and awards…he wasn’t good enough to leave school early!

I don’t have a problem with Tebow being a devoted Christian, to each his or her own. But the pious evangelical Christianity that he and the PR people at UF flaunt at every opportunity: like his trips abroad to circumsize the penises of the unwashed is condescending. It’s like legislating morality upon us. Yes, we know he passes on the boobies and drunken debauchery on spring break in order to help Third World people shed the epitome of sin that is the foreskin, and that’s fine that he chooses to do it, but do we have to be told OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!

No college athlete in the history of sports has had the entire press roll over as lapdogs for him. A journalist actually asked him at an SEC media day, “Why are you special?” Seriously, whoever did that needs their credentials forever revoked NOW.

There are plenty of experts saying his skills will translate to the next level and he will become a NFL star. And there are plenty of  experts saying his skills won’t. So maybe after this season, he’ll only be a glorified Chase Daniel. In the 2010s, Tebow might remembered as the Sarah Palin of college football, a flash-in-the-pan who was essentially much ado about nothing.

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Actually, I think God himself truly hates Tim Tebow. This may shock you when you consider all that he has going for him- (just look at the picture I led the article off with) pretty much anything and everything a dude could ask for. But this is why I know an almighty creator would despise Tebow.

Think about all the smoking hot slags at the school he goes to, and about how all his overcoverage and publicity makes all those panties drop for him. And what’s a primary belief among evangelical Christians? That any form of sex not within the confines of marriage and exclusively for the purpose of reproduction is heathen, immoral and will certainly bring plagues upon us all.

So if he wants to stay super Christy, Tebow can’t sleep with any of that tail he attracts. Seems like a horrible trick or prank for The Creator to play on him, so perhaps he hates him as much as I do. Or as much as I hate ESPN and company for fawning over him any chance they get.