The Hansbrough Rule

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By Paul M. Banks 

How DISGUSTINGLY ANNOYING was it of ESPN to CONSTANTLY show Chase Daniel’s family during the final hour of the Alamo Bowl? Every other freaking play!!!!! Laura Quinn didn’t get half this much coverage during the 2005 Fiesta Bowl- where her brother Brady and husband-to-be A.J. Hawk squared off.

Like we freakin care that much about somebody whose life just peaked last night, and is inevitable headed into an Al Bundy like downward spiral starting tomorrow morning. This is yet another example of why ESPN sucks royally most of the time and I’m naming it the Hansbrough rule. After UNC post player Tyler Hansbrough, it’s an unwritten rule of the Boo-Yah network (and the mainstream media in general) they seemingly must whore college stars possessing absolutely zero potential to make in the professional ranks. It’s almost like they feel sorry for them and decide “hey, this guy’s going to have the best times of this life right now…he’ll spend the rest of his life telemarketing or driving a fork lift, so let’s fawn on him now as much as possible. Let’s help him get laid best we can by giving him extra publicity…because you know it’s going to become really hard for him to get some booty when he moves back in with his parents next year.

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The players fitting this rule are all exceedingly annoying because the collegiate stars who play professionally in Turkey or the Arena League (well, they’re in dire financial straits right now- guess you’re not playing pro ball after all next year Mr. Daniel!) are around for all four years. The real stars skip their last year of college ball to turn pro; these polarizing figures become so overblown and so overexposed that legions of people like myself and the TSB writers and readers grow to hate them. See Tim Tebow.
Now I understand why Peter Christian hated Drew Neitzel and Andy Weise hated Brian Butch so much. There are many others who fit the Hansbrough rule…if you think of some other good examples leave them in the comments below.  
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Comments

  1. Don think that this rule is a Caucasian thing, because Dee Brown and Mateen Cleaves also fit this rule.

  2. Ha! Good to see you’re fired up about this one, Paul! ESPN is on everyone’s sh*t list of 2008. I think the network itself and its display of the Hansbrough rule deserve some SportsBank Sucker Award to start off 09.

  3. Yes, I’m more than a bit fired up about this one. I’m not the hugest fan of Deadspin, but I am glad that part of that site’s mission in life is to rip ESPN because someone has to…and hopefully that someone keeps growing in popualrity and juice because we need a check on their absolute dominance.

  4. Dee Brown is playing for the Suns now, FYI

  5. I thought he was on the Wiz…well, he can get his 1.7 PPG in PHX now. I can’t believe Awvee Storey had an NBA career, up until the Bucks cut him this past fall

  6. Peter Christian says

    Tim Tebow and Tyler Hansbrough are both first ballot hall of fame “My life was best in college” athletes. Drew Neitzel will probably have to wait a few years to get the nod. Other notables include Adam Morrison, J.J. Redick, Chris Weinke, Gino Toretta, Andre Ware and Christian Laettner.

  7. Among former Dookies and Heisman winning QBs (Danny Wuerfel, Josh Huepel anyone) there are lots of candidates for this “award”

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