May 21st 2011: ARMAGEDDON, Alison Brie, Kirsten Dunst’s Face

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So if you’re reading this, I guess the Rapture wasn’t really coming today after all. Or maybe it’s actually later on May 21st, 2011. Or maybe the end of days has already happened and this never actually made it to publication. Either way, it’s been a pleasure delivering news and entertaining you. See ya in the next life!

-From Yahoo:

“A new theory that Judgment Day is coming this Saturday has certainly generated lots of media attention, but done little to convince many Americans, including most evangelical Christians.

Some of those skeptical of the prophecy are planning on celebrating Saturday with tongue-in-cheek “rapture parties,” LiveScience reports. Tacoma, Wash., non-believer Paul Case told the Seattle Times that he wants to celebrate on Saturday because if the Rapture does happen, and all Christians are lifted to heaven, “we know as atheists, we’re not going.”

The theory that the “Rapture“–or Judgment Day–will occur on May 21 appears to have originated with the 89-year-old leader of the ministry Family Radio Worldwide, Harold Camping, who earlier predicted the end of days as Sept. 6, 1994. He went back to the drawing board and says his calculations are now correct.”

-Time for the Dr. Evil voice: “riiiiiiight.”

By Paul M. Banks

alison brie hot

-Since the “end of days” will make this the last ever Link Bank, here’s a hot photo gallery of Alison Brie (her 13 hottest photo shoots), my new celebrity crush. Let’s meet the rapture in style. (Ranker)

-From Business Insider, the origin of the prophecy by the numbers. The article quotes the bible passage that led to the “fuzzy math” that gets us to the end times today.

When God referred to seven days, he meant both seven days and seven thousand years, because “one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” The flood occurred in 4990 BC. Seven thousand years later is 2011.

The second proof looks at the significance of the number of days between the Crucifixion and May 21, 2011.

There are 722,500 days between these dates. 722,500 is a significant number because it is composed of the significant numbers 5x10x17x5x10x17. Five signifies redemption; ten signifies completion; and 17 signifies heaven. The numbers represent the day of redemption (5) and the end of the Christian era (10) and the ascent to heaven (17) — and these factors are doubled for added significance.

-Personally, I think the world has ended already; twice. In the past three years alone.

The first was September ’08 when John McCain was up in the presidential polls for a week or two- prior to the economic collapse. The idea of Sarah Palin, a white trash dilettante who’s dumber than a box of rocks, possibly having the launch codes for nuclear weapons signifies the end is near.

The Mayans predicted 2012 for the apocalypse; which is coincidence: Palin could be elected president that year!

-The second time I thought the world ended was sometime in 2009-10, when the Jersey Shore phenomenon engulfed our nation; once you have the dumbest, trashiest, and skeeziest elements, the bottom rung of the evolutionary ladder, setting the cultural pace for the rest of society…there’s nowhere else left to go. The end has already been here for well over a year.

-No we know why Britney Spears recorded a song this year entitled “keep on dancing till the world ends.” Marketing genius by her team!

-Someone agrees with me that the world has already ended:

Research tells us that today’s children are growing up more narcissistic than their predecessors and this has serious repercussions. Today’s youth are more pampered, spoiled and over-indulged. Their sense of entitlement is mind-blowing. They learn their values from reality television and role models who have absolutely zero class and no morals.

Think about who our children model their behavior on today. Reality television stars like Snookie from the Jersey Shore who ultimately shows young girls how to pick up men at bars while doing body shots off her chest. Or Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton who each launched their respective (lol) careers by making a pornographic sex tape with their boyfriend for the whole world to see, up close and personal.

I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want my daughter growing up to be anything like these women! (Narcissim in the City

UPDATE: the bible-thumping nutjobs were right! See this link, and the pic below

Kirsten Dunst’s face has been a punchline with comedians for awhile. Especially among Family Guy animators, but now it’s for a different reason. Her obvious and understandable uneasiness for Nazi references

Novak Djokovic (I seriously knew how to pronounce that name correctly once, really I did) is a force to be reckoned with on the tennis court. Currently ranked number 2 in the world and vying for Rafael Nadal’s top spot, the young Serbian professional tennis player has been setting records since 2007, including the youngest player to win a Men’s Championship (Miami Masters) and to have reached the semi-finals of all four Grand Slam events.

Some have been speculating if his recent winning streak may, in part, be attributable to his gluten free diet – either by physically improving his health or giving him a confidence boost so critical to the game of tennis. (Gladly Gluten Free)

-Evan Longoria’s awesome fake CGI save! This is really cool.

-A cheesy ’80s hit set to ’80s 8-bit Nintendo music. You gotta hear it to experience it. Doobie Brothers “What a Fool Believes” in video game music of the era (YouTube)

Paul M. Banks is CEO of The Sports Bank.net. He’s also a regular contributor to Chicago Now, Walter Football.com, Yardbarker, and Fox Sports

You can follow him on Twitter @thesportsbank and Facebook

 

 

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Comments

  1. Soapy Johnson says

    If the world’s about to end … All the salty margaritas in Los Angeles, I’m gonna drink ’em up …
    http://placeitonluckydan.com/2011/05/earth-everything-must-go/

  2. paulmbanks says

    Maybe it’s the RAPTOR, not the rapture which is coming! I fully expect to meet Andrea Bargnani at 6pm tonight!

  3. paulmbanks says

    Good link btw, enjoyed reading it

  4. Nick Grays says

    Now that the second season of Community is over, I needed this gallery of Alison Brie, thanks!

  5. Why do people look for the end…concentrate on the present. The past is history, the future isn’t reachable, only the present exists.

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