I’m not sure anyone really knows what the words trolls and haters mean anymore. Haters is getting misused a lot; and trolls gets misused pretty much every time you hear it nowadays. Maybe it really doesn’t matter; we don’t need these slang buzzwords. Eventually, they’ll like phase out as they become no longer trendy. What matters is how you deal with the hatred and hostility; and that’s entirely up to you.
The haters, trolls, hostiles, malcontents, instigators, trouble-makers, losers with no life, people with nothing better to do, call them what you will. Or as Dan Bernstein from WSCR CBS Chicago put it:
I’m not really concerned with how people label Twitter nuisances. The blocking feature allows for painless removal of those who forfeit their place in any discussion. Following is voluntary, just like listening to a radio show. To lash out profanely about what you choose to read or hear serves no logical purpose.
I couldn’t agree more.
Nevertheless, here are the ten cardinal rules of how trolls behave, so you can spot them instantly and deal with them.
The late Robert Strange McNamara was the President of Ford Motor Company and later Secretary of Defense under Presidents John F. Kennedy and Lyndon B. Johnson from 1961 to 1968. He is the longest serving SecDef in history; and probably the most controversial as well. He played a huge role in escalating U.S. involvement in the Vietnam War. So he knew a thing or two about conflict, controversy, and receiving bad press.
The Fog of War: Eleven Lessons from the Life of Robert S. McNamara is a 2003 documentary in which McNamara reflects on his life experiences and what he’s learned from them. The first three of those lessons I borrowed here, as they also apply to Twitter trolls.
1. Rationality will not save us
There are three types of people that will disagree with you on the internet. The first are people who may or may not have a legitimate point. You may be wrong; they may be right. Discussion with them may or may not be productive. Rationality probably will not save you. The second group are people who could have a point but instead choose to get personal with you; or they attack you professionally, but in way that’s so dickheadish that you can’t see anything salient. These people can only be ignored. The third group are those who know they’re wrong, but adopt the opposite of your position just to create conflict. Rationality will not save you from either of these two groups.
2. Be prepared to reexamine your reasoning
Reexamine, but you might find you’re correct and these people wasted your time. “You’re bad at your job” is always in-bounds, but “You should die. DIE DIE DIE DIE!” is never inbounds. You will get “I hope you die” on even the most innocuous and inoffensive offerings that you produce. You don’t have to write inflammatory pieces on the topics of religion or politics to piss people off. Even the shallow subject ignite them.
3. You can’t change human nature.
See the video above, and watch it again. Everyone’s a tough guy when they hide behind a computer screen. “FUCK YOU CHEESCAKE FACTORY! FUCK YOU IN THE FACE!” You can write something that’s grammatically perfect, no typoes and mispellings’ yet somehow loser with post “this is the worst article ever written. There’s so many mistakes here.”
4. Twitter is where they’ll attack you
No one emails anymore, and you can easily ignore comments sections, so these people have no way to reach but Twitter, and that’s Club Med for trolls. They know you check it 100 times a day and they know you’ll see it. I really shouldn’t give the losers more tips on how to attack. Then again, they already know this anyway.
5. College football zealot fans are the most insane and scariest of all rabid sports fans.
This summer and fall I’ve dealt with malcontents from: Penn State, Ohio State, Iowa, NIU, South Carolina, Notre Dame and Michigan. Even my own people: Illini and Michigan State fans, have gotten snippy and accused me of bias. But at least they weren’t wishing death upon me or finding issues/fault with prose and facts that were flawless. Yes, I write about college football a lot; especially when compared to other sports, but that doesn’t explain this. What does explain it is the fact that a lot of college football fans come from parts of this great nation where this little else to do. They’re from remote outposts where there’s limited entertainment options. Good God, those South Carolina fans…
6. Some Penn State fans are in a class by themselves
I’ve dealt with a lot of smart and rationale PSU fans. Many of them are doing great things to fight child abuse and try to prevent a monster like Jerry Sandusky ever happening again. I’ve had a lot of productive chats with the more enlightened members of Nittany Nation. And the hostile contingent of Nittany Nation, those disagreeing with much of what I have to say, they’ve been respectful. A lot of the malcontents have shown be a lot of respect and disagreed in a civil, polite manner.
Then you have the people who just don’t believe in facts. And the special breed that will get angry and find fault in even articles highlighting work of charities and non-profits. When you try to use your media voice to bring awareness to a worthy cause, and still people get inflamed over it…well, maybe these types of people exist in other fanbases too. I just haven’t seen them with the same numbers or amount of zeal as I have with Penn St. And that’s a shame, because they ruin it for the rest of Nittany Nation. They smear the name of the good ones.
7. ALL CAPS and “Your gay” or “Your stupid” are staples
I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT! LOUD NOISES!
Why are contractions so difficult? Why are the words “You’re” and/or “You are” so difficult for Americans?
8. Often times, they only read the headline, or a snippet
Again, another reason why 99.999 of these arguments, and internet commenters in general, are completely useless. As useless as internet trolls.
9. Don’t be a woman, a minority, fat or be pictured wearing clothes
This will be the first place trolls go: sexist, racist, bigoted remarks. Or making fun of your weight and/or your wardrobe. Whatever it is your style of clothing may be.
Paul M. Banks is the owner of The Sports Bank.net, an affiliate of Fox Sports. He’s also an analyst for multiple news talk radio stations across the world; with regular weekly segments on NBC and Fox Sports Radio. Follow him on Twitter (@paulmbanks) and RSS