Share the Illinois-Ohio St. 1st Place Love on Valentine’s Day

By Paul M. Banks and Hans Hetrick

(PMB) It’s Valentine’s Day, a holiday manufactured by the collective efforts of Hallmark, Zales, Russell Stover and the Vermont Teddy Bear Corporation, so you know what means? It’s time to celebrate the fact that all of the most annoying and overplayed commercials that we’re sick of will soon be put away for another year! And we have a HUGE game, #13 Ohio St visiting Illinois, to focus on and drown out all the irritating crass commercialization.

(HH)  It’s true. Those Valentine’s Day commercials are torture. Just a reminder that civilization hasn’t progressed much since the actual St. Valentine was beaten with clubs and beheaded by the Romans. On the other hand, the Romans and early Christians certainly didn’t witness a Big Ten title race as exciting as this 2010 version. Five teams fighting it out down the stretch. Illini and Buckeye fans probably weren’t thinking Big Ten Championship three weeks ago.

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Sidetracked: Crap, Valentine’s Day is Coming

By: Smoove C

Oh no.  I hate the singular act of turning the calendar from the month of January to February.  Why even turn the thang?  I turn it and POOF.  My woman’s voice mysteriously echoes throughout the room and the 14th jumps out at me like an ugly Harangody all up in my face.  Her voice starts calling out thangs she wants. This year, I’m cutting her off like Daniel Snyder putting a sock in Jim Zorn. It’s about what Smoove C wants.  Fellas, if we gotta do this, we gonna to do it my way. And for those of you without a woman, I’ve got something in this article for you, too.

For those of you with a big pocketbook, maybe seven figures on your contract, we gonna benefit from this here research. Go big or go home on the court or on the field; that’s what we do. So this is what the professionals are doing this Valentine’s Day, and that’s right—this really does exist.  If you don’t believe me, all the details are right here.

We’re going to DC’s W Hotel for their Valentine’s Day Package.  In short, you get VIP copter rides to private wine tastings, bottomless champagne, Kobe steak and Maine lobster, a personal Body Chocolatier that makes candy molds of your naked selves, Louis Vuitton luggage full of lingerie for her and some Swarovski crystals on your PJ’s or whatever. It’s gonna set you back $28 G’s man, but it’s worth it. Here’s what they give ya. [Read more…]

TSB Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

By Rikki Greenberg & Melissa Wollering

With Valentine’s Day approaching fast, TSB’s two female contributors thought they would try to put their fellow male contributors (and readers alike) at ease during what can be a tense Hallmark Holiday weekend.

RG: Burning number one question, Melissa.  There’s so much pressure to get her the perfect gift.  Is this really necessary?
MW:  I don’t know if it’s the retail industry or materialistic women making a bad name for the rest of us, but you don’t have to buy me a thing.  I’m a busy person and the person I’m dating is likely a go-getter and workaholic too. If anything, I’d appreciate some time spent together and it doesn’t even have to be on the 14th. Any night that week, come over to my house, make me a drink, let’s watch some NCAA basketball I DVR’ed and didn’t get to watch yet. Then let’s go to bed, but not go to bed. Rikki, what are your thoughts?

MW: If your significant other insists on getting you something, what would you actually appreciate?

RG: That’s a toughie. Victoria Secret is nice, but I tried that once and my booty was a little too bootylicious for them. I would have to say something personal, like a really sweet Bears jersey or a $100 gift certificate to Ulta. When I get a gift like this, I know my guy has been paying attention and that always puts a smile on my face.

MW:  Bootylicious, huh? Nice. I would have to say it’s not cliché to go VS for me. New Victoria’s always makes me feel good about myself and if it makes the guy happy, slam dunk. If however, that’s all he’s ever gifted me after 2 years, I may start to become concerned…

RG: If your boyfriend/husband/significant other gave you the Vermont Teddy Bear I see advertised on SportsCenter how would you react?

MW: Dude, keep your money, save your cash, hold onto your pesos. Buy us two tickets to see the Badgers play the Gophers or find the teddy bear you had as a child and give it to me.  Both earn you more points. Shooting from beyond the arc actually takes less effort. Think about it.

RG: First of all, I love all your basketball analogies and we must have been separated at birth because I share the same reaction to this question. If I got this present, I would deeply rethink the relationship and come to the conclusion that my guy doesn’t know me at all.

MW: Do you have any professional athlete Valentine’s Day stories?

RG: Besides the dream of me and Patriots wide receiver Wes Welker getting married in the Bahamas after a two year courtship filled with hot, passionate love, I would have to say no to this one. The dude is super fine, so ask this question again in a couple years and maybe I’ll have a better answer for you :)


MW:  I’m coming to your wedding, my dear! I have a story: Chris Capuano, 2006 National League All-Star team pitcher with the Milwaukee Brewers, did not fare well in baseball last year, but he hit the jackpot in love.  The 30-year-old LHP left-hander missed the entire season after reconstructive surgery on his left elbow, but it gave him the time to seriously date his long-time love interest Sarah Clifford. They started seeing each other when both were students at Duke.  Chris popped the question in June – something he would not have been able to do while on the road mid-season. The couple got married November 29th in Maui, Hawaii.  See Pete, off-season anniversaries rock.  Now they live in Scottsdale, Arizona, perfect for spring training.

RG: Of course this article begs the question: Melissa, are you single?

MW: Intelligent readers will notice I wrote “person I’m dating is likely” above.  You get the hypothetical connotation. Rikki, you? C’mon…give me the scoop.

RG: Oh the dreaded topic that’s my love life. I’ve been single for 24 years now and my VIP card to the singles club doesn’t have an expiration date on it, so I’m going to say yes to this question. However, there’s a slight wave in the ocean, so I might have to rethink about laminating my card.  It’s time for the 2009 V-Day Survival Guide Shopping List. We agree, it’s not wrong to spend money on something you’ll BOTH use…Beer Pong it up with your woman!  Melissa, aren’t you a b-pong aficionado?

MW: That’s what my Facebook TSB Officer Description says…Banks is recommending this to the guys trying to win my heart. But again, I don’t like people spending money on me.

RG: I am head over heels in love with this gift!! There’s nothing I wouldn’t love more on game day than to dunk my Frito Lay Tostitos Scoop chip in a cup of sour cream and onion dip from a Chicago Bears helmet. Should I hand you a Scoop chip Melissa?

MW:  Yes!  Crunnncchh. Yum. Now to wash it down. Chick Beer comes in Michelob Ultra’s Lime Cactus, Pomegranate Raspberry and Tuscan Orange Grapefruit.

RG: That’s right, 6-pack if you like her, 24 if you’re really in love. No more blue foldable chairs you see at baseball games! The inflatable tailgating chair comes with a beer holder and a mesh pocket to store more beers. Got grease stains and puddles of Bud Light on your new tailgating partner? No problem! The chair is washable so eat and drink away!


RG: Chicago Bears blanket? Check. Chicago Bears lighting fixtures? Check. Chicago Bears Ultimate Game Day Recliner? I knew I was missing something!

MW: Everyone seems to want my full-size portable Coleman grill when I’m tailgating at Miller Park.  Consider any Pro-Team Grill Cover, or go Busta Rhymes and buy your woman a “grill” at Thug Fashion’s website.

RG: A fan isn’t really a fan until every inch of his or her property is covered with team memorabilia. The bathroom may be painted white and black, but I bet the car is lacking a little team spirit. Ride in style and support the cause with a blinged out license plate from your favorite team. (Editor’s note: You guys HAVE to see the Soxcave- Soxman’s crib is pretty much like what you’re describing above!)

MW:  Guys always love a new Bears Jersey. Go his & hers and ask the wife to sport JUST her jersey and nothing else around the house all weekend.   Honestly, we don’t mind as long as you think it’s hot. Remember, it’s all about you. Rikki, would you agree?

RG: Of course! If I have the opportunity to slink around in my favorite player’s jersey, I’ll not hesitate to take it. If it results in a sexy game of tackle football, even better!!
His –
Hers –

RG:  Or you can forget the jersey and wear nothing but these fantastic NCAA slippers or pair of Chicago White Sox socks!!

MW: Reading material for the bathroom is great. We know you guys follow the latest trends on the runway, so why not catch up on the latest in swimsuit fashion?
SI Subscription:
SI Swimsuit Edition:
Sports Illustrated NFL Book

RG: You can’t go wrong with a baseball signed by a big time major leaguer. Bonus points if he or she is a member of Red Sox Nation or a supporter of Big Papi.