Week 7 NFL Live Blog

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11:30 AM — Hey everyone, welcome to our NFL live blog for Week 7 of the NFL!  This is the first of three straight weeks with 6 teams on a bye, so hopefully, even if YOUR favorite team isn’t playing this week, you’ll still come in to chat us up.  Learn more about those other teams! Analyze those matchups for later in the season!

But until the games start, check out some of these great stories from the week gone by…

Looking for some NFL pick advice?  Tom Lea talks Halloween in his picks, and there’s a picture at the top of Where The Wild Things Are…if that doesn’t make you smile, I don’t know what will.

Paul Schmidt takes on Vegas and the spread again this week, looking for redemption after last week’s 0-4 debacle. His bank account would also appreciate the reprieve…

How about notes from on of the more pure football experiences you could have?  That’s right, Melissa Wollering is back with “Sidetracked” again, and she talks Wisconsin High School football.  Friday night lights, baby!

It’s like an early Christmas present here at The Bank, with our Fantasy Football Advice!

Finally, Wanda Sykes gets abused by a racist dolphin.  Presumably not Greg Camarillo.

TSBFL Week 4 is on the way!

Week 4 Standings

Week 4 of the TSBFL is already upon us, and the divisional favorites, busts, and mediocres are slowly sifting to the surface like worms in electrical shock after a rainstorm. Drug habits have been broken, a few teams got their first wins, and a certain loudmouth agent spends his time raving about the problems with the American justice system. If you need a refresher about team lineups, click here. Otherwise, if you have any advice/hate mail for the league’s coaches, don’t hesitate to let them know. This is entertainment industry and we have to give the people what they want, after all.

Team Penetration 62, The Stafford Effect 50
Team Creepinfrbehind 92, SICA SportsBankers 83
FREE PLAX 107, Large, Oval Balls 90
The Dick Whitmans 82, Grateful Red 74
Purple Jesus is My Homeboy 91, JaJuan Johnson All-Stars 89
Team Guinness 83, Orange Crush 63

carson-palmerTeam Penetration
(Jake McCormick)

What wins football games in this league? Defense and special teams. Sure flashy offensive performances from guys like Greg Camarillo and Shaun Hill have people buzzing, but I’m giving all of my props reserved for this week to the Giants D and David Akers, who scored a combined 22 points and were two of my three players in double digits. For the Giants D, shutting out a Tampa Bay team that has a tough running offense with Mike Alstott and Warrick Dunn is no easy task, but they managed to contain both running backs and shut down Brad Johnson, Joey Galloway and the Buccaneer passing game. What? This isn’t 2003?

Either way, I’d also like to give Carson Palmer a firm, yet completely non-gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that) pat on the butt for his bounce back performance against a normally reliable Pittsburgh defense. Doubly awesome was the fact that we played the defense Palmer gutted for 13 fantasy points. He is now our starter for the rest of the season, barring any injuries and bye weeks. We’ve got our first true Penetrating win, and that’s definitely a big load off the small of our backs.

The Stafford Effect
(H. Jose Bosch)

I don’t understand why you guys keep asking me about the receivers. I think the media is trying to goad me into a controversial answer. At least that’s what T.O. told me. Wait, why am I listening to him? He had zero points this week. Even I got a fantasy football point and I don’t even play in the NFL. Sigh. I think we’re going to go one more week before we start tweaking things. I don’t want to hit the panic button yet but the guys have to understand how serious a poor start is. I expect Drew Brees to be back in form and net us some points and I have confidence that our Steelers defense will step it up. The receivers and running backs have to show up and play, though, or heads will roll.

Team Creepinfrbehind
(Jake Fowler)

Aaron RodgersI’m proud to say that at 2-1, team CreepinFrBehind is no longer CreepinFrBehind. A very solid effort from the squad this week. The game ball goes to Aaron Rodgers with Desean Jackson coming in second, although if he keeps doing those stupid ass TD celebrations and gets hurt I’m going to personally come to Philly and do a back flip as I punch him in the face. Clinton Portis also is on the hot seat. This is his last chance to produce. If he can’t get 10 points against the Bucs, he’s benched/traded… This being the first bye week, it’s time for some fresh faces to make an impression. Leon Washington, Hines Ward this means you. My players have some favorable match ups this week, so team penetration… oh that’s too easy…

SICA Sportsbankers
(Head coach Paul M. Banks and General Manager Soxman)

On Falling to 0-3 and the team’s chances of turning the season around

Soxman: I survey the best talent week in and week out to win. PERIOD. Our roster is hurting with some key injuries. Losing Dwayne Bowe killed us because we were forced to start Eddie Royal who failed to come through for us again. He’s been put on notice that his roster spot is not a right, it’s a privilege.

Banks: We had a lot of guys play well. It certainly wasn’t perfect there by any stretch. A lot of guys did a lot of good things and it was across the board. Only one spot truly let us done.

On their Opponent

Soxman: You guys ask the same question every week. I’m not talking about the past. We are focuses on next week. They beat us and proved to be the better team. All the teams in the league can say that right now.

Banks: I think fundementals was the biggest reason why they came out on the better end of things yesterday. I’m proud of the way the team played and performed.

On breaking the winless curse

Banks: Fundamentally, we want to keep making improvement in our techniques and fundamentals.

Soxman: No comment.

On Tom Brady having as much fantasy value as Mark Sanchez after week 3

Banks: Tom is our quarterback. Next question.

Soxman: We are not making any roster changes at the QB position at this point in the season.

FREE PLAX
(Andy Weise)

Drew RosenhausDrew Rosenhaus is enjoying the 3-0 start and now with Anquan Boldin on a bye, he still refuses to cut ties with Plaxico Burress.

“I love Plaxico and have faith that he will get out of jail sooner than later and help this team. We’re committed to him like Whitney was committed to Bobby, like Marc Stein is committed to Twitter, like I am committed to being the world’s biggest jackass. That’s committment. I love you, Plaxico.”

Large, Oval Balls
(Paul Schmidt)

Just a disappointing week. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue…

Look, Weise’s team is good. It’s very good. But I feel vindicated that he got really….REALLY lucky this week. He got Maurice Jones-Drew’s insanely good week this season this past week. He got Matt Schaub’s second ridiculous week in a row.

But let’s be realistic about them, too. He’s starting Darren McFadden and Torry Holt week in and week out. That’s not a formula for success. Or anything else for that matter.

We had some good things happen this week — Pierre Thomas got started late in the game but got his first major performance of the season, and Brandon Jacobs FINALLY showed up. Dallas Clark was outstanding as usual. All in all, we put up 90 points and had a solid, if not spectacular, week.

Now that we’re entering bye weeks, we’ll be making some hay against these teams that have no subs.

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Fantasy Gods and Boobs: Week 2

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By Peter Christian

Yes, its back. The feature in which I showcase my complete and utter lack of a life is here to remind you why you were cracking the champagne or slamming your head in your car door. Why did you pull out that unbelievable upset against the team that scored the most points last week? Why did your team fail miserably after such a good performance last week? Here are your answers.

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Why Your Team Won:

Utilizing the 10 team snake draft method it is highly likely you could have put the following starting lineup together:

Week Two Gods:

Chris Johnson – 197 Rush Yds, 87 Rec. Yds, 3 TD (1st Round Pick)

Frank Gore – 207 Rush Yds, 39 Rec. Yds, 2 TD (2nd)

Matt Schaub – 357 Pass Yds, 4 TD (7th)

Marques Colston – 98 Rec. Yds, 2 TD (4th)

Vincent Jackson – 141 Rec. Yds 1 TD (5th)

Ronnie Brown – 136 Rush Yds, 2 TD (3rd)

Dallas Clark – 183 Rec. Yds, 2 TD (6th)

Nate Kaeding – 4 FG (29, 22, 23, 25) 2 PAT (12th)

Giants Defense – 31 Points Allowed, 3 INT, 1 Fumble Recovery (8th)

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Going by the average draft position of both players I’d say it is a good chance that you are puffing out your chest and talking some serious trash on the league message board if you had a late first and an early second round pick which you selected Chris Johnson and Frank Gore respectively. The two of them alone probably won your game for you with their combined 80 points but your team total of 217 is far more impressive. It is doubly impressive compared with the projected total of 94 points that team was to get.

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Why Your Team Lost

On the flip side, there are players whose performances were less than stellar and likely combined to net you the loss. If you just set the league record for least amount of points scored in a week, your team might look like this:

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Week Two Boobs

Tom Brady – 216 Pass Yds, 1 INT (1st)

Randy Moss – 24 Rec. Yds (2nd)

Greg Jennings – 0 Rec. Yds (3rd)

Thomas Jones – 54 Rush Yds (4th)

Roy Williams – 18 Rec. Yds (6th)

LenDale White – 25 Rush Yds (7th)

Zach Miller – 0 Rec. Yds (12th)

Eagles Defense – 48 Points Allowed, 1 INT, 1 Safety, 2 Sacks (10th)

Josh Scobee – 1 FG, 2 PAT, 1 Missed FG (Final Round/Waiver Wire)

Interesting to see three of last weeks Fantasy Gods on the Boobs list this week in Jennings, Jones and the Eagles Defense. Those three players combined for a whopping 73 points last week and this week got you exactly 1 point. The rest of your team didn’t help either. The Brady-Moss combo you drafted 1-2 (let’s pretend you had the 9th pick overall) really puked all over the coffee table this week. They should have put up about 30 on your side of the scoreboard but instead netted you 8. In total this team scored 16 points of its projected 108… yes that team’s actual output was less than 15% of its expected output. It’s OK, go take that triple shot of Jim Beam mixed with Rubbing Alcohol, I’ll see you next week.