TSB contributors face off in the 1st Annual Sports Bank Fantasy Football Challenge!

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Welcome to the first annual Sports Bank Fantasy Football Challenge! Twelve of our best and brightest, um, people will be facing off throughout the NFL season in The Sports Bank Fantasy League. The 12 teams are split up into two divisions: Miller Lite and Bud Light. Scoring is standard for ESPN fantasy leagues, and each team goes head-to-head. Of the 12 teams, six will make the playoffs, which start in Week 15.

We will be bringing you highlights and lowlights of the TSBFL each week, including classic rants in the vein of Dennis Green, JimMichael Turner Mora, Herm Edwards, and other angry coaches that choke in big games. But to counteract that negativity in fantasy football that media assumes everyone feels, we’ll also have some love letters each week to players that carried a team to victory. For this week, we have a list of each team’s starting lineup (so you can decide who looks to be the favorite heading into the season and who drafted under the influence), some of the best quotes from draft night, and the Week 1 inaugural TSBFL matchups. Hopefully we last longer than the XFL.

Miller Lite Division

Team Penetration (Jake McCormick)
QB – Carson Palmer
RB – Michael Turner
RB – Marion Barber
RB/WR – Lee Evans
WR – Steve Smith
WR – Roy Williams
TE – Chris Cooley
D/ST – GiantsDrew Brees
K – David Akers
BE – Matt Hasselback
BE – Brady Quinn
BE – Le’Ron McClain
BE – Brandon Jackson
BE – Kevin Walter
BE – Darrius Heyward-Bey
BE – Kevin Boss

The Stafford Effect (H. Jose Bosch)
QB – Drew Brees
RB – Thomas Jones
RB – Joseph Addai
RB/WR – Bernard Berrian
WR – Randy Moss
WR – Terrell Owens
TE – Dustin Keller
D/ST – Steelers
K – John Carney
BE – Eli Manning
BE – Matthew Stafford
BE – Sammy Morris
BE – Santonio Holmes
BE – Steve Breaston
BE – Joey Galloway
BE – Brandon Pettigrew

Large, Oval Balls (Paul Schmidt)Larry Fitzgerald
QB – Tony Romo
RB – Brandon Jacobs
RB – Pierre Thomas
RB/WR – Marshawn Lynch
WR – Larry Fitzgerald
WR – Laveraneous Coles
TE – Dallas Clark
D/ST – Bears
K – Neil Rackers
BE – LeSean McCoy
BE – Fred Jackson
BE – Jamaal Charles
BE – Ted Ginn Jr.
BE – Domenik Hixon
BE – Nate Burleson
BE – Jeremy Maclin

Team Fowler (Jake Fowler)Steven Jackson
QB – Aaron Rodgers
RB – Steven Jackson
RB – Clinton Portis
RB/WR – Hines Ward
WR – Chad Ochocinco
WR – DeSean Jackson
TE – Owen Daniels
D/ST – Patriots
K – Josh Brown
BE – Ben Roethlisberger
BE – Chester Taylor
BE – Tim Hightower
BE – Leon Washington
BE – Muhsin Muhammad
BE – Devery Henderson
BE – Justin Gage

Team Weise (Andy Weise)Maurice Jones-Drew
QB – Matt Schaub
RB – Maurice Jones-Drew
RB – Brian Westbrook
RB/WR – Darren McFadden
WR – Anquan Boldin
WR – Vincent Jackson
TE – John Carlson
D/ST – Vikings
K – Ryan Longwell
BE – Jamal Lewis
BE – Julius Jones
BE – Mike Bell
BE – Torry Holt
BE – Michael Jenkins
BE – Patrick Crayton
BE – Plaxico Burress

SICA SportsBankers (Paul Banks and Soxman)Steve Slaton
QB – Tom Brady
RB – Steve Slaton
RB – Ronnie Brown
RB/WR – Chris Wells
WR – Dwayne Bowe
WR – Eddie Royal
TE – Zach Miller
D/ST – Eagles
K – Stephen Gostkowski
BE – Kyle Orton
BE – Darren Sproles
BE – Bernard Scott
BE – Antonio Bryant
BE – Earl Bennett
BE – Tony Scheffler
BE – Cowboys D

Bud Light Division

Purple Jesus is my Homeboy (Peter Christian)Matt Forte
QB – Peyton Manning
RB – Matt Forte
RB – Ray Rice
RB/WR – Cadillac Williams
WR – Roddy White
WR – Lance Moore
TE – Tony Gonzalez
D/ST – Texans
K – Jason Elam
BE – Brett Favre
BE – LenDale White
BE – Donald Brown
BE – James Davis
BE – Shonn Greene
BE – Glen Coffee
BE – Percy Harvin

JaJuan Johnson All-Stars (David Kay)Chris Johnson
QB – Matt Ryan
RB – Chris Johnson
RB – Ryan Grant
RB/WR – Knowshon Moreno
WR – Greg Jennings
WR – Donald Driver
TE – Anthony Fasano
D/ST – Packers
K – Mason Crosby
BE – Mark Sanchez
BE – Jerious Norwood
BE – Rashard Mendenhall
BE – Felix Jones
BE – Correll Buckhalter
BE – Hakeem Nicks
BE – Jerricho Cotchery

The Dick Whitmans (Shaymus McLaughlin)DeAngelo Williams
QB – Donovan McNabb
RB – DeAngelo Williams
RB – Willie Parker
RB/WR – Derrick Ward
WR – Marques Colston
WR – Brandon Marshall
TE – Jason Witten
D/ST – Ravens
K – Rob Bironas
BE – David Garrard
BE – Jason Campbell
BE – Earnest Graham
BE – Ricky Williams
BE – Visanthe Shiancoe
BE – Titans
BE – Chargers

Orange Crush (Chad Wuttke)Frank Gore
QB – Jay Cutler
RB – Frank Gore
RB – Kevin Smith
RB/WR – Reggie Bush
WR – Calvin Johnson
WR – T.J. Houshmandzadeh
TE – Antonio Gates
D/ST – Jets
K – Nick Folk
BE – Joe Flacco
BE – Shaun Hill
BE – Ahmad Bradshaw
BE – Devin Hester
BE – Derrick Mason
BE – Donnie Avery
BE – Jeremy Shockey

Team Guinness (Mike Escalante)Adrian Peterson
QB – Philip Rivers
RB – Adrian Peterson
RB – Cedric Benson
RB/WR – Anthony Gonzalez
WR – Reggie Wayne
WR – Braylon Edwards
TE – Greg Olsen
D/ST – Dolphins
K – Robbie Gould
BE – Matt Cassel
BE – Chad Pennington
BE – Jake Delhomme
BE – Fred Taylor
BE – Kevin Curtis
BE – Bobby Engram
BE – Nate Kaeding

Grateful Red (Thomas Lea)LaDainian Tomlinson
QB – Kurt Warner
RB – LaDainian Tomlinson
RB – Larry Johnson
RB/WR – Jonathan Stewart
WR – Andre Johnson
WR – Wes Welker
TE – Jermichael Finley
D/ST – Panthers
K – Kris Brown
BE – Trent Edwards
BE – Michael Bush
BE – Willis McGahee
BE – Chris Chambers
BE – Santana Moss
BE – Josh Morgan
BE – Kellen Winslow

Week 1 matchups (Home team listed second)

SICA Sports Bankers vs. The Stafford Effect
Large, Oval Balls vs. Team Penetration
Team Fowler vs. Team Weise
Grateful Red vs. Orange Crush
JaJuan Johnson All-Stars vs. Team Guinness
The Dick Whitmans vs. Purple Jesus is My Homeboy

Best draft night quotes (in context, of course. Remember, we may be playing on ESPN, but we aren’t into reporting ambiguous statements):

Large, Oval Balls (P. Schmidt) 8:31pm: That’s a great pick on Smith
Large, Oval Balls (P. Schmidt) 8:31pm: Til he punches another DB
– Said after Team Penetration picked Steve Smith in Round 2

Large, Oval Balls (P. Schmidt) 8:42pm: However, I do have a buddy who swears by drafting as many players with the same bye week as possible
Purple Jesus is My Homeboy (P. Andersen) 8:43pm: Do you tell that “buddy” he is a tard-factory?

Large, Oval Balls (P. Schmidt) 8:43pm: It’s the 7th round right?
Team Penetration (J. MCCORMICK) 8:43pm: 4th
Large, Oval Balls (P. Schmidt) 8:44pm: oh…then the ray rice pick blew

The Stafford Effect (H. Bosch) 8:45pm: if i didnt know any better, i would say no one liked the olsen pick
The Stafford Effect (H. Bosch) 8:52pm: i think ive regretted every single pick ive made tonight

Purple Jesus is My Homeboy (P. Andersen) 8:52pm: by taking Marshall are you required to pay for his babysitter?
– Said after Brandon Marshall came off the board in Round 6

Large, Oval Balls (P. Schmidt) 8:53pm: I feel like I just punted
– Said after taking Dallas Clark in Round 6

Purple Jesus is My Homeboy (P. Andersen) 9:03pm: I think I’m gonna take Greg Paulus… since this is an ESPN league and all. His leadership should give me the win every week

JaJuan Johnson All-Stars (d. kmiecik) 9:04pm: im gonna give u H1N1 next time I see u
JaJuan Johnson All-Stars (d. kmiecik) 9:05pm: i was convinced i’d get him in a couple rounds
– Said in response to Purple Jesus is My Homeboy selecting Brett Favre

The Stafford Effect (H. Bosch) 9:32pm: this feels like a junior high dance where everyone is standing off to the side and no one is dancing
– Said after the comment box went quiet for a few minutes and the pick selection started getting slower and less dramatic

Stay tuned next week when people stop being polite and start being real. This…is the TSBFL.

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Comments

  1. Good job McCormick! yeah, lets get it started in hah let’s get it started in here

  2. H. Jose Bosch says

    You are going down this week Paul and Soxman. Drew Brees might pass for 700 yards against the Lions and single handedly beat you.

  3. Bring it Bosch. For the record, you took at least three players I was ready to take, but we have the man Paul M. Banks would want to marry if her were female, Tom Brady leading our pack.

    You are going down.

  4. Exactly Brady has a chip on his shoulder now with a lot to prove. HJB is going down like Elisha Cuthbert in a room full of pro hockey players.

    I’m really going to enjoy the smack talk in this league, especially on our discussion boards

  5. H. Jose Bosch says

    What you’re forgetting is that Brady’s favorite target is on MY team.

    Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  6. It’s funny the two people who are too lazy to pick a team name are playing each other this week. Prepare for the people’s elbow Team Weise

  7. I think I might be said ‘tard-factory buddy.’ If I am, I don’t ‘swear’ by the same bye week thing. In fact I’ve never even enacted that strategy, but have often thought about it. I just get tired of having to play one or more of my crappy bench guys every week and I wonder what it would be like to just have one crud week and go full-strength every other time. But it’s impossible to draft that way in a snake…you could only do it in an auction.

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