The Millen-Favre Convo (sort of)

By Rikki Greenberg 

The NFL rumor mills are churning once again, and the man responsible for the latest hurricane of “Is it true?” news is the same from this past summer…
 
The Big Cheese. The Gunslinger from the East. Old Man River himself…Jets quarterback Brett Favre.
 
He’s the Britney of Sportscenter. The latest stinky cheese against Favre is the infamous chat between him and former Lions president and GM Matt Millen. According to FOXSports.com, sometime before the September 14th match up between Green Bay and Detroit, Favre and Millen exchanged in a lengthy conversation which consisted of Favre informing Millen and Lions coaches on the guts of the Green Bay offense that he used to run. Due to updated reports from every sports news outlet in the Chicagoland area, Favre confesses conversing with Millen about hunting and football, but not about confidential Packer information.
 
An hour-long conversation about football and hunting between two guys? Come on Brett! You can do better than that. You work for Jets head coach Eric Mangini now. He could of at least taught you how to lie more convincingly in order to cover up illegal (well in this case, the NFL considers talking to personnel of another team legal) behaviors with possible intention of strategically hurting an opposing team. It’s like Brett didn’t learn anything except how to stand like a receiver during a wildcat play and throw a record six touchdown passes against the Cardinals during Week 4 of the regular season.
 
I am not saying Favre did not discuss football and hunting with Millen. Nor am I saying Favre did not discuss how to beat the Packers (which proved to be totally useless anyway because the Lions lost 48-25). All anyone knows at this point is the conversation between Brett the Jet and Millen took place, but I’m going to go Jon Stewart on y’all and assume the conversation went something like this…
 
Brett Favre: Hey Matt! It’s Brett, How’s it going?
 
Matt Millen: (silence)
 
BF: From the Jets
 
MM: (intense pondering of who the freak is Brett from the Jets)
 
BF: The guy who came out of retirement a couple months ago
 

 
MM: Oh man, are you serious?! I have GOT to get caller ID on this phone
 
BF: I was just calling to see if you got the Wranglers I sent you.
 
MM: Yes Brett, I did. Thanks for the additional stuffed Turkey too. Nice touch.
 
BF: Oh yeah, I forgot about that…
 
MM: So is there a reason why you’re calling because my team is sucking royally right now and I’m in the hole pretty deep. The Ford family told me today they can’t figure out what was looking worse: the motor company’s bottom line or my personnel moves
 
BF: Come on, man. Would I call if I didn’t have a reason?
 
MM: Yes, but I love just hearing your voice anyway.
 
BF: I wanted to tell you that I saw your schedule and it looks like you’re playing Green Bay next week. Really tough team. How about that offense?
 
MM: Well now that they got Rodgers, I’m pretty scared.
 
BF: Rodgers….
 
MM: Brett, you still there?
 
BF: (Suspicious silence)
 
MM: Hello…Brett?
 
BF: (Hear thumping of large object) Sorry! I’m here…I was just looking at my rifle. I was thinking about shooting it, but later thought I had done enough shooting…but then later I changed the mind and realized I had the itch to shoot it again.
 
MM: Speaking of rifles, you want to go hunting some time? Hunting is a favorite pastime of mine. Right up there with drafting overrated Wide Receivers that don’t pan out every April.
 
BF: Yea, sure…whatever. So the Green Bay Packers next week…Ya know I used to play for them back when I wasn’t in retirement for two days.
 
MM: Right, well I would really love to go hunting. The way my team is playing I might be out of a job soon. And I’m no longer the Ford Family’s pet, so I’ve got that going against me.
 
BF: Well, if you would just let me tell you about how to consistently defeat the Green Bay offense Millen, your job might still be yours, just don’t draft Michael Crabtree from Texas Tech next April, I’d hate to see his career end up in the graveyard.
 
MM: Whatever. Listen I gotta go. I think there’s another group of disgruntled Lions fans starting another “Millen Man March” My wife is cooking meatloaf tonight. Maybe that will appease the angry mob. Patricia, WHERE’S THE MEATLOAF?!?
 
BF: Millen…you there?
 
MM: (Silence)
 
BF: Damnit! Where’s Romo’s number…