Take It To The Bank, NFL Edition

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And here’s those long awaited NFL picks for Sunday’s games.

You’re probably wondering why I didn’t pick last night’s game, and there’s a few reasons: 1) the whole getting out of jail thing. 2) I don’t bet on games where the quarterback is a grandfather, and almost my age. 3) I didn’t feel like it.

Yeah that’s right, I said it, whatcha gonna do about it?

Look, football was meant to be bet on on the weekends, not when people have to go to work the next day. Except for Monday night, because as my good ol’ pal, Scootch Malnoti used to tell me when he was making book, Monday’s the night everyone tries to win back what they lost over the weekend. So they don’t have to pay a guy like Scootch on Tuesday. Or get a visit from any of Scootch’s two sons. Did you know they both walked on to the UNLV football team? Offensive linemen…big kids.

Anyway, that won’t be a problem for you — like I always like to say, I’m Lucky, and you listen to me, you’ll be lucky too.

By “Lucky” Louie Esposito

As always, these are Harrah’s lines and the home teams I’m told will be listed in bold. I don’t post this though. Mr. Banks does. It might be in paisley. I don’t know. As long as the home teams look different so you all know who they are, that’s all that matters. Also, my pick is the first team listed, in case people didn’t figure that out. Since you probably didn’t, and  now that you know that, go look at my college picks HERE.

New York Giants -6.5 against Carolina – Does anyone know who is starting at quarterback for Carolina? Some guy named Matt Moore? I thought he was one of those guys from those crappy boy bands. I don’t think some crappy boy band singer can win in The New Meadowlands.

Miami -3 at Buffalo – Buffalo is terrible. You know how bad they are? That crappy boy band singer, Matt Moore? He could start for them. On the offensive line. And be better.

Pittsburgh +2 against Atlanta – I don’t think I like this Atlanta team as much as everyone else. Or, I like Pittsburgh more. And Dennis Dixon doesn’t suck, either. He won his only start at QB, against Baltimore last season. And Baltimore’s defense last year was better than Atlanta’s this year. And Rashard Mendenhall, don’t forget him, he’ll get a lot of carries.

Detroit +6.5 at Chicago – The one thing the sharps always say is don’t take a road dog unless you think they can win. Well, there ya go. I like this Detroit team. They might be a year away from competing and contending, but they’ll handle this terrible Chicago team. What’s that Nigerian guy’s name…Endommakong Soo…or is he Vietnamese, I don’t know. Anyway, he’s going to get like 500 sacks against this bad Bears O-line.

New England -4.5 against Cincinnati – The Pats’ offense is too strong right now. If they get any production from their running game, the Bengals won’t be able to keep up.

Cleveland +3 at Tampa Bay – I know that Cleveland isn’t that good, but they finished strong last season. And doesn’t anyone remember how bad the Buccaneers were last year? I think that Matt Moore guy could have seen some time at QB here too.

Jacksonville +3 against Denver – Denver isn’t as good as you think they are. If a team is talking about running plays for a bible thumping 22 year old virgin, that’s a bad sign for their NFL season.

Indianapolis -2.5 at Houston – Wasn’t Indy one of the best teams in the NFL last year? Do any of you guys play fantasy football? Houston has a lot of great fantasy football players. I think that’s why this line is so low. This is a lock. Indy wins by at least a TD.

Tennessee -6.5 against Oakland – The Raiders are getting better, but I don’t think they have enough to stop Chris Johnson.

Green Bay -3 at Philadelphia – Everyone loves Philly this season, and it isn’t that I am lukewarm about them, but I just really like the Packers. I love betting on teams that will just go out and score at will, especially when the lines are small. If the Pack win, it won’t take much for them to win by more than 3 points.

San Francisco -3 at Seattle – There is nothing more terrifying than betting on a team going TO Seattle. That stadium is unreal to have to travel to and play in. The crowd there does such a great job of creating noise and making it hard for the visiting team. Unfortunately, the Seahawks are so bad this year, it won’t matter. No QB and a terrible defense is not a prescription for success.

St. Louis +4 against Arizona – So…wait. Derek Anderson needed half the preseason to beat out a terrible Matt Leinart, and now we are supposed to believe he can win on the road in the NFL? I don’t think so. I don’t even care if they are starting a rookie, I think the Rams could win big here.

Dallas -3.5 at Washington – The Redskins are much improved, but it’s an age-old story: first game at home with a new head coach or a new starting QB and there is just too much pressure and the team has a rough go of it. The Redskins have both, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Cowboys roll.

Baltimore +2.5 at New York Jets – Again, don’t take that road ‘dog without thinking they can win. This Ravens offense is stacked, and I’m not a believer in the Jets’ O.

San Diego -4.5 at Kansas City – If this was closer to a touchdown, I’d really like the Chiefs. But I think there is value here for the Chargers. Beware — this is a dangerous game, and I do like the Chiefs this season, but I think the Chargers get one on them early.

Hey everyone, that’s all for week one! I’m Lucky! Let’s all get Lucky together!

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Comments

  1. I agree the Seahawks and Bills suck. It’s too bad for Sea they can’t get Jake Locker in the draft this year and have the local kid stay home. cuz buffalo is so bad they’ll get the #1 pick for sure.

    and I didn’t post this…I delegated to my assistant. I can’t be held responsible sometimes, for what my assistant/intern does

  2. At least I didn’t get slammed in this one, lol…

  3. Bears will get slammed by det on sun. glad I’m not the only one who sees that the Lions’ DL will murder Cutler

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